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So how does a guy give a girl a looks-based compliment that will sound genuine and not self-serving? Unless it’s about the girl’s insecurity more than anything else. I’d suppose the answer would be to tailor the compliment specifically to her...”You have pretty hair” vs. “I really like how your hair falls down your shoulder like that, and I love the color, it reminds me of a mocha I get at this coffee shop I know.” Something along those lines, would it seem more genuine?
Either of those things sounds like a come on, not a compliment. From guys, it usually does. Unless they are very, very obviously and totally gay.
But I can tell ya one thing, and many women have said this, the way to go is to compliment something that was deliberate on her part, not something she was just born with. Something she chose, not something she IS. It comes off as a friendly opening of connection, rather than a pick up attempt. So I've told people that the color of an item of clothing they are wearing compliments the color of their hair or their particular skin tone, or just said it was a "really nice color on them." I've commented on jewelry, shoes, accessories, the design or band on a t-shirt or a purse or a cool hair color job (in the case of the bright colors some ladies rock these days.) Something that she did ON PURPOSE.
People complimenting me on something I was born with, it's kinda like, "Yeah, I worked real hard on that." Meh. At least men. Women, though, it's different. What gets me (and I mentioned this) it's not just straight women or where there could not be any sexual connection there, the compliments that have lifted me up the most, of anyone I've encountered, came from a former girlfriend (the other lady in the poly group.) For some reason she has a magical ability to make me feel really good about myself. I'm glad we still spend time together, if as close friends rather than partners now.
If a guy says I'm pretty I'm like, "So you want to sleep with me." Whether I'm in a relationship with him or not.
If a woman says I'm pretty I'm like, "Really? You think so? Wow... " Whether I'm in a relationship with her or not.
Guess it's too much of being brought up on "guys will say anything to get what they want" talk.
So how does a guy give a girl a looks-based compliment that will sound genuine and not self-serving? Unless it’s about the girl’s insecurity more than anything else. I’d suppose the answer would be to tailor the compliment specifically to her...”You have pretty hair” vs. “I really like how your hair falls down your shoulder like that, and I love the color, it reminds me of a mocha I get at this coffee shop I know.” Something along those lines, would it seem more genuine?
As a general rule i would avoid giving dripping sweet looks based compliments to women....especially the good looking ones. "You look decent", or "You dont look bad" is way better than "You are really pretty".
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Think vetting process and you dont want to disqualify yourself.
As a general rule i would avoid giving dripping sweet looks based compliments to women....especially the good looking ones. "You look decent", or "You dont look bad" is way better than "You are really pretty".
.
Think vetting process and you dont want to disqualify yourself.
Lol... if you said I look “ decent” or “ don’t look bad” You would disqualify yourself in a heartbeat. You don’t have to give me gushy compliments, but insinuating that I am less than.... Up yours!
You’d fare better just keeping your mouth shut.
Last edited by Sydney123; 01-03-2019 at 11:41 PM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sydney123
Lol... if you said I look “ decent” or “ don’t look bad” You would disqualify yourself in a heartbeat. You don’t have to give me gushy compliments, but insinuating that I am less than.... Up yours! You’d fare better just keeping your mouth shut.
Seriously. "You don't look bad" is along the lines of that idiotic negging crud.
Either of those things sounds like a come on, not a compliment. From guys, it usually does. Unless they are very, very obviously and totally gay.
But I can tell ya one thing, and many women have said this, the way to go is to compliment something that was deliberate on her part, not something she was just born with. Something she chose, not something she IS. It comes off as a friendly opening of connection, rather than a pick up attempt. So I've told people that the color of an item of clothing they are wearing compliments the color of their hair or their particular skin tone, or just said it was a "really nice color on them." I've commented on jewelry, shoes, accessories, the design or band on a t-shirt or a purse or a cool hair color job (in the case of the bright colors some ladies rock these days.) Something that she did ON PURPOSE.
People complimenting me on something I was born with, it's kinda like, "Yeah, I worked real hard on that." Meh. At least men. Women, though, it's different. What gets me (and I mentioned this) it's not just straight women or where there could not be any sexual connection there, the compliments that have lifted me up the most, of anyone I've encountered, came from a former girlfriend (the other lady in the poly group.) For some reason she has a magical ability to make me feel really good about myself. I'm glad we still spend time together, if as close friends rather than partners now.
If a guy says I'm pretty I'm like, "So you want to sleep with me." Whether I'm in a relationship with him or not.
If a woman says I'm pretty I'm like, "Really? You think so? Wow... " Whether I'm in a relationship with her or not.
Guess it's too much of being brought up on "guys will say anything to get what they want" talk.
Agreed - in general you'd like a guy to have worked a bit harder to find a "deeper" compliment and one that you can actually take some credit for. I mean, I can be glad you noticed my gorgeous blue eyes, because yeah, at least you noticed - but - maybe you didn't really and it's just a line. And in the end, should I say - "thank my Dad"?
Of course it's hard to come up with something deeper than her appearance if you've hardly started a conversation even. So perhaps the key point is a guy shouldn't give compliments until he knows enough about a woman to give an honest one - otherwise it's just a line and not a true compliment.
If, at first, someone is showing sincere interest in you, is that not compliment enough?
That would actually be a pretty good compliment (We're talking sincere interest).
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" Whether I'm in a relationship with her or not.
