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It honestly sounds like you don't know how to date, being in two relationships totalling 8 years and you're in your late 20's. How long did you overstay in the 5 year relationship after discovering traits you couldn't tolerate?
Dating people for shorter periods of time means they or you are more quick to determine compatibility and move on if it's not there, for whatever reason. The reasons men break up with you don't have to be that there is something wrong with you. It means you weren't a good fit for each other and they're not sticking it out and trying to force something that is already not happening.
And please don't fall into desperation mindset and settle for someone simply because you want kids.
How are you meeting men to date? What are you looking for in a partner?
Do you think you have a pattern of pining for unavailable men?
You said in your last post you didn't want to even date other people because you thought you'd compare them to your coworker with the gf. And you implied you were hoping they'd break up so you could sweep in.
If your are only dating people who don't want to be in a relationship in the first place, then obviously you will never be in one.
Make sure you are listening to what the man is saying so you are not wasting your time hoping you will change his mind convince him to be in a relationship with you.
Do not waste your time with men who are on the fence and want to string you around for a few months before moving on to someone else. You should make sure you make it clear with them what you want.
You should not be having sex with men without a relationship commitment if you are hoping to settle down.
Looks are to the eye of the beholder. One persons fun is another persons boredom.
MY daughter has only had a bubble she controls to push people away when need be. You may simply have that same bubble. I've discussed it with her. Could it be your level of compromise to a relationship isn't as strong as the other? Is it possible you're trying too hard to find a perfect fit instead of settling (don't like that word) for 80% fit? Just thoughts.
I don't push men away. At least not purposely.
Assuming the guy looks fine, the only things I ask from him is that he is kind, interested in me and my life, and committed to me. What I don't want to do is settle for someone who is not providing these, and then be resentful. That is what ended my last serious relationship.
It honestly sounds like you don't know how to date, being in two relationships totalling 8 years and you're in your late 20's.
I figured that could be it. I do get confused by the games that go on in the dating world.
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How long did you overstay in the 5 year relationship after discovering traits you couldn't tolerate?
Honestly? It was clear before the first year.
But people told me that he was a good guy, love takes time, don't be so high standards. I was a year out of my last relationship and not having great luck dating before that. So I listened. I grew to love him but not as a lifelong partner.
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Dating people for shorter periods of time means they or you are more quick to determine compatibility and move on if it's not there, for whatever reason. The reasons men break up with you don't have to be that there is something wrong with you. It means you weren't a good fit for each other and they're not sticking it out and trying to force something that is already not happening.
I get that they may not have seen me as a good fit but so many of them? There are a ton. If I'm not a good fit for so many, at what point should I look at myself for issues?
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How are you meeting men to date? What are you looking for in a partner?
I meet men everywhere except online. Online dating is just bad for me. I'm out a lot and see attractive men all of the time but I don't think men are comfortable being directly approached by me. My friend group is small, and most men are already taken.
I talked about what I look for in a partner in the post above. I don't think it's a lot but I haven't been able to find it, in combination with what I look for physically.
A few will remember my recent thread on being interested in a man who turned out to have a girlfriend. More info there if you need it.
Now I'm ready to move past that and date again but first I have to ask - what is keeping men from seeking deeper relationships with me?
I'm not far from 30 and for most of my late teens and 20s, I was in relationships. The first three years, the second five. The first one ended because of long distance and the second I broke up with due to certain traits I couldn't see myself with forever.
Since then all of my relationships have been less than six months. The last guy broke up with me because he said I wasn't into fun stuff and I was too smart.
I try to keep myself up. I do my hair, make up, stay fit. I get a lot of stares, comments by men. I get the sense they are attracted on a physical level but it's not translating into relationships.
I'll say that I like certain kinds of men but there are many candidates who fit my criteria around my city.
Give me honesty. If I'm repelling men I need to know why and how to fix it.
I don't see the problem here--the only potential issue I see is that you aren't finding guys that you're interested in, which is common.
Sounds like you're a great catch and one of these relationships will turn into "the one".
Do you think you have a pattern of pining for unavailable men?
You said in your last post you didn't want to even date other people because you thought you'd compare them to your coworker with the gf. And you implied you were hoping they'd break up so you could sweep in.
No. He was a special case of a man I was really, really, really into. Unavailability is usually the most unattractive trait to me.
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Make sure you are listening to what the man is saying so you are not wasting your time hoping you will change his mind convince him to be in a relationship with you.
Do not waste your time with men who are on the fence and want to string you around for a few months before moving on to someone else. You should make sure you make it clear with them what you want.
You should not be having sex with men without a relationship commitment if you are hoping to settle down.
I don't.
I'm direct about wanting a serious relationship. I don't push it because that can drive men away too but they're aware of what I want. It's just that after weeks or months I get the "You're not the one", "I don't see this going further", etc.
No. He was a special case of a man I was really, really, really into. Unavailability is usually the most unattractive trait to me.
I don't.
I'm direct about wanting a serious relationship. I don't push it because that can drive men away too but they're aware of what I want. It's just that after weeks or months I get the "You're not the one", "I don't see this going further", etc.
How long on in general do you date someone before discussions of being in a relationship come up?
I find it surprising that after dating the same person for months, all he'd say is "I don't see this going any further". I feel like at that point he should be able more specific on why it didn't work out.
When you are dating, are you in good communication? Talking to each other on the phone every day or so? Seeing each other at least once a week? Talking about real things vs superficial stuff? Do you feel like you let your guard down so you can be yourself or do you still feel up tight like you have to prove yourself or impress?
I like traveling, shopping, watching tv, listening to music, going out to eat, movies. Many things.
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