Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We are certainly told that's how we supposedly are.
I haven't found it to be true though, that women are actually more emotional or complicated or any such thing, as compared to men. Not in my life experience. Nope.
I think naturally, men and women are equal when it comes to emotions.
In my other life, I dated men who generally became attached quickly, but I was open to that. Now, not so much. I think it has a lot to do with my atheism.
Women are pretty much primed from birth to be stereotypical "emotional" creatures due to ideology, just as men are conditioned to stuff their emotions.
I've never found my atheism rotated with quasi-belief (rinse, repeat) to ever be an issue, though never thought about it.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
well...until the sybil week arrives or just before..
As I tell my hubby.....
Yes, we get increased emotions once a month due to estrogen. Which is unlike men who have emotions tied to testosterone 24/7 365.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
I tend to be one of those people who are more avoidant. My life situation... I'll explain it. Whenever I am surrounded by friends, at some point I end up surrounded by a different group of people that are either my enemies or are just there to use me or are just outright toxic to me.
I somehow developed abandonment issues and tend to avoid getting attached because when I get attached, I feel attached, but I do my best to avoid acting on it to not scare the person I am attached to away. When the person I'm attached to starts getting distant, I start feeling some sort of anxiety, but instead of clinging on, I find ways to get past it.
Even though I am highly sought after, I am a rather clingy person at heart. However, it is rare that my clingy side comes out. My clingy side did come out some time in the recent years (someone I either misread or scared off, or both), and it hurt when she moved on (This was about a couple of years ago or so).
I am one of those people that when I have certain issues that I am anxious to take care of, I'd rather not be bothered. Even if I don't have any pressing issues, I am still a hard person to meet. I tend to "screen" most people that meet me so that I know if they are going to be a lot of trouble or "high maintenance" (I often have a lot on my plate so there are times when I am just going to be unavailable, and anyone that tries to get in the way of me taking care of what I need to take care of relatively early in any type of relationship we have, he is GONE!!!
Anyone tries to get very close to me very early, GONE!!!
I catch anyone asking around about me or my whereabouts when they've just met me, GONE!!!
It doesn't matter how "good" of a person or "nice" you think a person is, "good" "nice" or "kind-hearted" people are not property.
My attachment style has....changed over the years.
When I was younger I placed a lot of dependence on other people and I had low self esteem. I thought I was the one that was always being "left behind" and I wasn't good enough or "cool." I got to the point where I got tired of it and decided I needed to be stronger emotionally. I distanced myself long enough to where I got used to not really talking to anyone anymore. I got really introverted and stopped clinging to people.
For me, the best way I can describe it, is that I adapt to be one way or the other. There is no in between. In recent years, I have met a lot more people who seem to like me for who I am but they're inconsistent. Pulling away from people had allowed me to become more observant. I noticed how wishy washy a lot of people are. When I would begin talking to someone new, I subconsciously wait for them to inevitably leave me behind and go on with their lives.
When they do, I say nothing about it. Especially if they have started a new relationship or moved away. I remember someone saying that my actions are passive. I don't reach out to most people, I just adjust to them no longer being their anymore. I just let things happen, because I feel being detached keeps me from feeling any type of longing for anyone. Thus, keeping me from feeling any emotional discomfort.
I came to this realization when a friend told me he see's why people walk out on me. Because I don't really give them any type of indication I want them there at all. Guess I forgot how to express it. I'm totally disconnected and haven't been truly interested in anyone in years. Oh well. I'm not complaining.
So it is a factor of starvation. I could see that.
If you are getting a ton of (a good) something and a regular supply of it with no end in sight, you tend to take it for granted. However, if you are hardly getting it, you tend to want it more.
Abundance vs. Scarcity is what it all comes down to.
I've seen an example of it on this forum...
Exactly, which is why the same guy will view dating and relationships completely differently if he lives in a military town(man heavy, more competition) vs a college town(woman heavy, less competition).
or how a guy from a small former factory town(woman heavy) goes to the big city full of confidence thinking he is sexy as he11, only to become lonely and depressed months later(plenty of those guys in my depression group).
I call it the benefit of being "the best of whats left".
Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl
Yeah and there's nothing wrong with that. That's not being "afraid" of commitment. That's just dating and not having met anyone who they want to commit to.
Being "afraid of commitment", in my opinion, would involve being deeply in love and wanting to commit but struggling with it. A lot of people use "afraid of commitment" to explain why someone rejected them. It's like no, they are not afraid. They just don't think that person is worth committing to. Hard to hear, but true.
Usually when I hear that phrase its referring to someone(male or female) who BEHAVES as though they are in a committed relationship in every way except calling it one, thereby getting all the benefits of a relationship while "keeping their options open" often for fear that if they commit, someone slightly hotter or richer will come along and they are tied down and unable to make the jump without looking like the A-hole because they were always quick to let everyone know that they werent in a relationship cause anytime someone asked they were the ones saying"we are just dating" or "we are just seeing where it goes". That's why I avoid profiles that say seeking: "casual dating/nothing serious" those people will waste your time for months or years.
Exactly, which is why the same guy will view dating and relationships completely differently if he lives in a military town(man heavy, more competition) vs a college town(woman heavy, less competition).
or how a guy from a small former factory town(woman heavy) goes to the big city full of confidence thinking he is sexy as he11, only to become lonely and depressed months later(plenty of those guys in my depression group).
I call it the benefit of being "the best of whats left".
Usually when I hear that phrase its referring to someone(male or female) who BEHAVES as though they are in a committed relationship in every way except calling it one, thereby getting all the benefits of a relationship while "keeping their options open" often for fear that if they commit, someone slightly hotter or richer will come along and they are tied down and unable to make the jump without looking like the A-hole because they were always quick to let everyone know that they werent in a relationship cause anytime someone asked they were the ones saying"we are just dating" or "we are just seeing where it goes". That's why I avoid profiles that say seeking: "casual dating/nothing serious" those people will waste your time for months or years.
I'd probably play the odds. In my area, I don't know the actual make up of the city, but I have both men and women coming at me...and I am far from sexy as hell. I don't think a pot belly with jelly rolls is sexy.
Sometimes, you may have to explore other areas. Not all of us are born in the right areas for relationships.
I can imagine. There are certain symptoms that are very aggravating during that week...
It actually varies a lot among individuals.
I don't get any pre-symptoms. I have high libido during, no mood problems, but occasional headaches which I just take some ibuprofen for and they go away. It is in the few days AFTER that I get emotional. That can lead me to have to fight negative self-talk, be more prone to "drop" and to be somewhat clingy to my partner, desiring more affection and affirmation.
If I have just written a long post about some highly emotionally charged subject, the kind that might make a reader sit back in their chair and go "Whoa. Damn, girl. Calm down." odds are, I've finished my shark week within the last few days, and it is early in the week following an intense weekend of intense activities with my partner, so I'm experiencing drop. What is cool, is that for a time I kept a blog on another site, and I was able to recognize when I was pouring out a bunch of emotional stuff, there was a pattern to it. Being able to know that helps me to manage myself. And to ask for what helps, in terms of love and validation, when I need it. Which my man is generally happy to provide.
But I certainly know women who have lots of physical discomfort, and don't want sex during that week at all, and have mood issues before and during.
I have not found that this necessarily affects how attached I feel to new-ish partners, though. Nor is my behavior usually enough of a rollercoaster to affect whether they get attached to me. And in any event, it's certainly VERY minor compared to the behavior of an insecure man (or woman) who gets triggered by feelings of jealousy, inadequacy, or whatever.
People have emotions. Some people have more or less control over themselves while under the influence of their emotions.
On my moodiest day I am more stable than some men are at their most rational. My worst is better than some people's best, if we're talking about emotional self-control. And I haven't known women in general to be better or worse than men in this regard...it's just individuals are better or worse at it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
