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Really? That depends...on a lot. Is it just a very casual tying up that is barely restrained and only for a few minutes and then "typical" sex starts? Or is it very elaborate bondage with patterned knots in particular positions and comprises about 90% of the entire scene?
Also, my guess is that while men may be quite comfortable with restraining women, many women have little if any interest in restraining men. Oh, I know they're out there and all the lore that the men who are most "take-charge" like bondage the most, but in terms of sheer numbers and the women willing to actively DO the tying up?
Not possible to know for the OP's particular situation.
Wow this thread is still going.
If find it much more fun to get tied then to do the tying and its much easier to ask someone to do the tying then to ask them to let you do it to them. Give me all your freedom, that's asking a person lot.
Elaborate not really suitcase locks and small chain IMO works best. I like to think I taught a few women how to play this, I would start with I got this idea, lets play tie up, I bet I can get out of what ever you do instead of just coming out that it was really fun to me. Like I said in the original post after we started playing all the time we would have to take turns and sort of argue over who got to be tied one cause that is more fun.
OP said he was only into the light play...Which i assume is him strapping someone to the bed post as opposed to practicing shibari. I don't think its necessary to join Fet unless he really wants to really explore kink, there's a huge difference between someone who wants to re-enact scenes from 50 shades and those that want to embrace the bdsm lifestyle.
You don't have to be doing shibari to hurt someone.
I would simply have people be aware, not to take rope for granted. Even if they just get a book or read some stuff online about safety, what areas to avoid, how tight you can or cannot tie various spots, etc. Injuries are not only caused by people trying to be hot-shot riggers who lack the skills, they are caused by people who think they're only doing "light play" sometimes, too.
I'm just all about the whole "safety first" thing. That's all.
No, he doesn't have to join fet or a community, but it could help him find "his people" and/or a partner, if he wants to. But I do think he should at least seek information on rope safety if he's going to play with it. I think that anyone should.
And I am not even getting into my opinion of 50 Shades.
You don't have to be doing shibari to hurt someone.
I would simply have people be aware, not to take rope for granted. Even if they just get a book or read some stuff online about safety, what areas to avoid, how tight you can or cannot tie various spots, etc. Injuries are not only caused by people trying to be hot-shot riggers who lack the skills, they are caused by people who think they're only doing "light play" sometimes, too.
I'm just all about the whole "safety first" thing. That's all.
No, he doesn't have to join fet or a community, but it could help him find "his people" and/or a partner, if he wants to. But I do think he should at least seek information on rope safety if he's going to play with it. I think that anyone should.
And I am not even getting into my opinion of 50 Shades.
I do agree, safety first. I consider myself fairly into kink but even for myself Fet was a little overwhelming. I tried watching 50 shades but apparently it wasn't supposed to be funny and it killed to mood a date was trying to create. I haven't seen it through so i cant really comment.
I strongly advise anyone who is kinky to get on Fetlife, look for munches and events in your area, and get into a community if you can.
I don't know. This is private to me and I really don't like all the labels. I am not a dom or sub or this or that. All that stuff is someone else's invention. I didn't even know it had a name.
I was relieved when I first saw this stuff online that I was not the only one and nothing was wrong with me but at the same time now that its mainstream, to each his own but now I am scared that if I mention any of it I will get associated with extream stuff that's not me.
I don't know. This is private to me and I really don't like all the labels. I am not a dom or sub or this or that that's all someone else's invention. I didn't even know it had a name.
I was relieved when I first saw this stuff online that I was not the only one and nothing was wrong with me but at the same time now that its mainstream, to each his own but now I am scared that if I mention any of it I will get associated with extream stuff that's not me.
Thing is, no one who is really into this stuff, expects you to select a mainstream label and slap it on your forehead and get in line with any kind of a program. People in these communities recognize to a certain extent that we're all making this stuff up as we go, the main requirement is that you don't judge or shame other people's kinks, and that you respect consent and boundaries with others you interact with.
And you can be in a community and still be "private" about it with regard to the rest of your life. I know schoolteachers in my community. Lawyers. Military. Nobody in their outside lives really knows. Also, I have refused to take a "Dom" or "sub" label myself. I'm kind of a dominant personality but more of a masochistic bottom in my play, so what does that mean? Uh, it means I'm me and that's fine. So in that spot on my fet profile, I just put "Evolving." Yeah. I'm evolving and I'll just keep doing that until I'm dead. So there.
You can put as much or as little about yourself on a profile there as you like. No requirement to use your real name, real face, or any of that. Online dating sites ask far more of you in that regard. But fet doesn't work well as a dating site, it isn't set up to work that way. (Though ironically as I say that, my first contact with my amazing and beloved man, was a message he sent me there.)
So here's my question, who are you afraid is going to "associate" you with things? I'm not suggesting you march in a parade, fella.
I mean if you don't want to get into it, that's fine. It's been the best thing that's ever happened to me so I am quick to recommend it, and admittedly we do have a great community where I live so I'm quite lucky. But do look around online, maybe order some books on Amazon or something, just to make sure you're doing things in ways that won't cause harm.
And I do think you should be honest with women you hope to do kink with, regardless. It's part of proper consent standards, the "informed" part. Better not to try and sneak kink into a session or bait and switch on people.
Of course if you don't like that, and you don't want to have to do informed consent in ethical ways, and prefer to carefully sneak your kinks into things in a "hee hee it's a dirty secret" kind of a way, or trying to "trick" people into participating in your kinks by masking it as something it's not...that would maybe be another reason for you to not get into a community. We really do prefer honesty.
However, if it doesn't get locked, and the OP's question has any real point, IMHO, tell them fairly quickly. Anything non-vanilla is a dealbreaker for many
Yes, I agree, especially before and tools/ hardware/toys get pulled out.
I'm a pretty vanilla guy myself, Most of the women I've been with as far as a know all seemed fairly mainstream in that regard. Not sure what I'd do if some woman I was really into wanted to venture out on the fringes, not sure if that sorta thing is my bag.
"Originally Posted by bobman
However, if it doesn't get locked, and the OP's question has any real point, IMHO, tell them fairly quickly. Anything non-vanilla is a dealbreaker for many"
That's what I will do. Grateful that my kinks are the top 2 on the list of most common and not something completely unusual.
Hope it doesn't get closed I am curious to hear from more people who have had a partner tell them their kinks and their reaction.
"Originally Posted by bobman
However, if it doesn't get locked, and the OP's question has any real point, IMHO, tell them fairly quickly. Anything non-vanilla is a dealbreaker for many"
That's what I will do. Grateful that my kinks are the top 2 on the list of most common and not something completely unusual.
Hope it doesn't get closed I am curious to hear from more people who have had a partner tell them their kinks and their reaction.
I started writing my experiences on both sides of the coin and realized they were not PG. For the most part the men have been cautious to explore but then seem to embrace it when they see how i respond. I don't consider myself the least bit vanilla but there's extremes for me, in those instances i have politely declined and as expected those relationships didn't work out.
Making excuses for my social anxiety but Ok I will check out the website. I read this kink effects men and women pretty equally so maybe its not a complete sausage fest.
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