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I'm only friends with one of my ex's and I was happy for him that he got married. His wife is really nice and she's perfect for him, so that's as it should be. All of my other ex's I couldn't care less about so whether or not they got married, my only thing is, hey they're somebody else's burden to bear, now! So, yay for me!
When I left, he accused me of all sorts of horrible things, the number one being I had been cheating on him (I had not).
He got married less than a month after our divorce was final, with a woman that he had mentioned through the years.
I was divorced for similar reasons (infidelity/abuse). He just got remarried which I found out.
I was angry. Maybe that isn’t the norm on here, but everyone thought he was such a great guy. It was to a woman he was dating when we were still married and another of his “friends” attended the wedding.
He also accused me of cheating and all kinds of other things. It was me who had to literally start over, because we werr military and not even living in the states when it all went down. I literally lost nearly everything and had to rebuild from scratch. I resented that he just floats along doing his cheating/alcoholic/addiction thing seemingly consequence-less. That isn’t to say I did not contribute to the marriage breakdown BTW, but I did try so hard to help him with those issues—couple counseling, support groups, individual counseling, marriage retreats, support partners— and in the end it was just a gigantic waste of time. The last time we went to coumselimg, I found out that he was seeing other women (plural!) while we were participating in counseling to “save the marriage.”
Needless to say, I do not have friendly feelings toward him, it was not an amicable split. And while I do not wish to be married to him—he also had addiction problems—and don’t wish fire and brimstone on him, I am at best indifferent (on the good days!) and certainly am not cheering him on.
So while I would like to say, “who cares?” i did care, and I was upset about it. If I think aboutnit too long, it still pisses me off. So I try to put him as far out of my mind as possible.
I felt like our relationship was bs. We were engaged and he cheated on me with the person he married. He had many issues as does she , like you describe your ex as having. (Drinking , manipulative , abusive) As a single person of 45 (my ex was a year younger than me , married someone the poster's age. Poster, you are very young! Age is relative.) I really was clear that nothing in dating counts until marriage , for me , it's the only true commitment. I think I've always felt / believed that and this solidified my belief.
, I just feel like I spent 6 years with a man and tried to make him a better person but didn't succeed(however, from what I have heard, he's becoming a much better man right now because when I left him he was heartbroken and decided to change), and it was such a waste of time. I'm not so so young anymore (27) and I haven't accomplished anything.
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It may be that it's bothering you more than it should because you're feeling that you weren't enough for him to bother changing for and the new 'she' is.
That, of course isn't necessarily so but might be an understandable reaction
When my ex-wife got remarried, I didn't feel anything. We never should have gotten married in the first place. It was really expensive but I was glad to be rid of her. I also confess to not having a heck of a lot of empathy when 10 years later, she kicked the guy out for alcohol/violence issues and was a single mother on welfare. Payback is a *****. I did have a bit of empathy when she contracted terminal cancer from her lifestyle decisions a few years later. Her family invited me to a gathering after her death but I declined.
With "Vincent", I was mostly surprised and hurt. The latter being because we'd stayed in touch as friends, so it bothered me that as a friend, he didn't want me to know that he'd met someone. (only way I knew of the wedding was coming across a photo on social media)
With "Jack" (my daughter's father) I wasn't bothered.....I've never met his wife, but from what I've heard, she seems nice enough, and is a better match for him than I ever would've been.
Just knew that my ex got married recently and I couldn't sleep after that.
I feel like my life is still in a mess (need to find a job, need to finish my thesis, family and close friends are faraway, single), and he has moved on to the next chapter. It's not like I'm still in love with him (he was 8 years older but still not mature, he was also an alcoholic and his mom was a control freak--- that's why I left him), I just feel like I spent 6 years with a man and tried to make him a better person but didn't succeed(however, from what I have heard, he's becoming a much better man right now because when I left him he was heartbroken and decided to change), and it was such a waste of time. I'm not so so young anymore (27) and I haven't accomplished anything.
If I have a great career right now I wouldn't care about this a bit, or, at least, if I have a loving man besides me, I would have felt better.
Just want to know, how did you guys feel when you heard that your ex got married? Did you feel sad?
Thank you for your feedback.
I don't even know if any of my ex-gf's are married. If they are, it doesn't affect me in any way or the other.
I think as the odd person out, we tend to imagine an idealized scenario when we think of the relationships that follow ours. In my case, years ago, I was engaged, and my ex-fiance cheated. I forgave her and tried to salvage the relationship. She didn't stop cheating, and she left me for the other man after getting pregnant by him. For two years, I moped around, feeling sorry for myself, and waited for her to return. I often dreamed of her during this time. In my dreams, I'd be cold, walking in the rain, and there'd be this huge house. When I'd get inside, she'd be there, and there would always be a warm fire. I'd warm myself by the fire, and I'd know I have to leave because this is not my house. My dreams would end when I ventured back out into the cold. I always imagined them riding off into the sunset together, to start a family and live happily ever after. Eventually, I let her go, and I got back to living. When I started my Masters program, she came back. The story she told me is different from the one I imagined. She said that she moved in with him, and he started abusing her, first emotionally, then physically. They argued all the time. She left, came back, left, came back, etc. The final straw came when this woman with a lot of kids started following her around the grocery store, saying mean things and cussing at her. When my ex-fiance confronted her and asked why she said those things, the other woman told my ex that she stole her husband. The woman was his wife, and her kids were his kids. Talk about the shoe being on the other foot, lol. My ex wanted to rekindle things, telling me she wanted to start a family, have more kids, get a house, etc. She even started showing me pictures of her daughter. I told her that she already has a family....everything we planned, she already did it all without me. We went on different roads, and I am not the same person she knew. I never went back, and I am happy because I realize that her leaving was the best outcome for me.
Last edited by SnappleApple; 01-08-2019 at 11:55 AM..
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