Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-17-2019, 12:16 PM
 
3,012 posts, read 2,207,102 times
Reputation: 10788

Advertisements

I think 10 years ago is enough not to worry.

But I do think it's weird that it just came up. How long have you been together and what do you know about this gal?

And it's unrealistic to think that you could NEVER be alone with a member of the opposite sex. Work or study meetings, for example?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-17-2019, 12:41 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,414,930 times
Reputation: 9547
You’re going to get two lines of thought on this subject

1) if it’s affecting your partner, it’s affecting your marriage
2) people are individuals and should be allowed to do what they want regardless of status.

I can’t tell you what you should do, it’s your choose and live how you see fit. I can tell you in marriage I personally see things more in line with number one. You may not be married yet, however you have made your intentions known that this is what you want.
Your issue in particular is one that has left you feeling misdirected by your partner, THIS aspect needs to be addressed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 02:29 PM
 
Location: Forests of Maine
37,279 posts, read 61,039,203 times
Reputation: 30165
When I was single, there was a time when I have a FWB type relationship with Laura. As I was courting another girl [Bonnie] at about the time when I asked Bonnie to marry me, we got into a conversation regarding other girls I was dating. Bonnie asked me to drop Laura before she would agree to marry me.

That was 37 years ago.

I think it is appropriate for a fiance to ask you to drop all other girlfriends.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 02:38 PM
 
Location: NNJ
15,045 posts, read 10,010,139 times
Reputation: 17194
No. I don't think it is appropriate to expect them to drop long term friendships (intimate nor platonic). It is however appropriate for them to honor the agreements made with their future wife/husband. They wouldn't be the person they are without them... you are asking them to change who they are... and attempt to erase the past that made them the person that stands before you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 02:46 PM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,893,197 times
Reputation: 15255
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
Not really your place per se to tell him who he can associate with. All you can do is let him know whether or not it makes you uncomfortable. It's on him, what he does next. You can't control other people, you can only control yourself.
Thank you!

Like telling the ocean how to act. Not gunna happen.

However, you can adjust YOUR sails.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA - Kingstowne Subdivision
406 posts, read 621,762 times
Reputation: 405
Before I respond, I have a question.

What was your fiancé's response to your request?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 04:26 PM
 
334 posts, read 225,381 times
Reputation: 1180
No
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 07:37 PM
 
6,737 posts, read 4,717,497 times
Reputation: 25799
I wouldn't worry about it in the least. Either you trust him or you should break it off now. I have never once asked my DH about past relationships and he has never asked me. If you can't trust him to keep the past in the past then you shouldn't marry him. He may not have mentioned it because he didn't want drama with you or because she is just totally irrelevant to him now.

You also could ask your fiance if he would have a problem with you asking his old FWB if she would not call/text him every time she needed to whine about boyfriend issues. But do remember that he is choosing to marry you and this woman is 10 years past. I don't see how you can feel her a threat.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 10:40 PM
 
68 posts, read 35,151 times
Reputation: 113
Lol I'd be petty and invite all my exs to the wedding jk. But in all seriousness why didn't he mention it until now? And who describes someone they've previously had sex with as basically a brother or sister? When i eas in hs it was common for promiscuous girls to say "omg he's like a brother to meee" then it turns out they were fcking lol Red flags everywhere lol
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-18-2019, 10:42 PM
 
68 posts, read 35,151 times
Reputation: 113
The fact that he didn't tell you for 10 years is what would personally bother me the most. I consider that lying by omission especially if they still talk or hang out? I mean id they never talked or saw each other this would be different obviously lol
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top