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Can't say I blame her mom for having a problem with this. Though I stay outta my children's relationship business, I'd be bothered by the huge age gap myself.
However, I will say this, at your age (52) you should have your finances and future set up and should be pretty well off. Im basing your age on mine, as you are 3 years older and i am quite secure in my finances and the future looks very bright and worryfree for my wife and i So that'd be a plus as far as being able to take care of a 26 year old without worrying too much about daily life struggles.
Though I'd be unhappy with the age gap, as long as my daughter was taken care of and most importantly happy I'd be able to coexist with someone twice her age.
Give it time and maybe things will work out. If its meant to be, it will.
I'd move on. I'm only 30 (just turned this month) and I want nothing to do with girls in their mid-twenties. They still have too much to figure out. The person she is now and closer to 30 won't be the same.
There is something not right here. I think the parents are on to something that is not clear here. The OP does not speak like a 52 year old man. He is old enough to be her father (which would not be an issue normally), but he speaks like he is her age. A lot of this is just not logical for a 52 year old man.
My 2 cents for what its worth... I think the age gap is too big because of her young age.
I believe you when you say you truly love her but I don't believe that she is old enough to separate out the security you bring from who you are as a person.
26 is still young, like someone else said.
Is she independent? Has she ever had to be? Or did she go from parents taking care of her, to college, then to meeting you?
Sorry I don't intend for this post to judge the relationship you had but giving the perspective of where her parents are coming from.
I would stop initiating any contact with her. Do not send her any letters, do not call her, etc.
An absolute top priority is that from now on, you must NEVER speak to her about her parents. Consider that to be a forbidden topic. If you say anything about her mother, it will be heard [in her thinking] as an attack. So you can never mention her mother or father ever again. Even if you tried to compliment them somehow, just dont do it.
Then put a note on your calendar for the first of each month, send her one short email, saying that you saw something [explain what you saw] and that it reminded you of her. [her smile, her laugh, her gentleness, whatever]
Do not contact her any more frequently than once a month, and do not have any conversations with her. Just a simple 'thinking of you' note.
Give it six months. She needs time.
Right now, her mother is in control. She needs to heal, and settle down to a new normal.
After she has regained her composure, then she may be in a better place where she will realize that her mother controls her.
If you try to connect the dots for her, it will be seen as an attack. When she is calm, a gentle reminder that you still love her, will trigger her to re-think her life. Do not do this any more frequently than once a month. Otherwise you are hounding her.
She may gain maturity through this process.
She may decide that she wants to drop all contact with you, as it is too painful. Which is why you must do this slowly, and not be seen as pestering her.
On the other hand, in six months, she may decide to stand up to her parents and to re-initiate contact with you.
The decision is hers, not yours. If you pressure her, you will push her away.
Select one of her roomies, which ever one that you got along with best, and maintain contact with that person. Simply to be notified if she moves, to get her forwarding address, phone number, etc. The reason is that for her next birthday, you need to send her a small gift, so you will need to keep up-to-date on where she lives [in case she moves].
One small pendant or necklace on her birthday and again for Christmas is all the 'pestering' that you can afford to do at this point.
Wait for her to mature a bit.
She might not contact you for ten years. It could happen.
Yes. Roommates plural. And yes, I would spend five nights a week there and weekends too.
Her roommates accepted me and were fine with me being there.
That to me is creepy, and btw.... My DH is 25 years older than myself. I was 28 when I met him. We have been married for 29 years.
Why wasn't she at your place most of the time instead?
If your girlfriend, ex girlfriend really, lacks the maturity to make her own decisions regarding her future with you, then it is best that she takes a few more years to grow up.
I understood my mother's concern regarding the age difference. But I was a self-supporting adult that owned my own home, and I was capable of making my own decisions.
And what about children? If she decides she wants children in a few years do you want to be a new daddy approaching 60? The young woman you've been seeing has a lot more to think about than just whether or not her parents approve or disapprove of you. Let Her Go. If she changes her mind she'll get a hold of you.
The best thing i did when i was younger was to stop letting my parents control my life, but that was a decision i had came to myself, no one tried to influence it, had i picked a boyfriend over my parents i believe i would've eventually resented him for it. My parents hated the 15yr age gap between me and my exbf, they couldnt understand how i could go from a young athletic Scandinavian (blond hair, blue eyes) to an aging french/Italian nerd with dad bod. But i loved him more than i have ever loved anyone else.
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