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Money isn’t the only thing that matters. What about when your kids are embarrassed that all of their classmates have married parents and they don’t? It continues to be embarrassing for me to tell people that my parents live together and never married.
That’s simply not an issue in my zip code. No Liberty University grads around here.
I presume you had your education completed and your career launched before you married and reproduced? That’s the key part of increasing the odds of a good outcome. You have way more slack to absorb the life mistakes we all make than a poorly educated woman with an unskilled job who ends up as a single parent.
Yes- DS was born when I was 31 and had finished a demanding series of professional exams. I agree that does make a difference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Money isn’t the only thing that matters. What about when your kids are embarrassed that all of their classmates have married parents and they don’t? It continues to be embarrassing for me to tell people that my parents live together and never married.
Does that really come up? I never took my Ex's last name so DS dealt with two parents who were married but had different last names. I don't know if his classmates even knew we had different last names and it would surprise me if they asked about marital status. Of course, the school teachers and admins never could get it into their heads that I had a different last name and kept addressing me as "Mrs. (Husband's last name)" and I got sick of correcting them.
Does that really come up? I never took my Ex's last name so DS dealt with two parents who were married but had different last names. I don't know if his classmates even knew we had different last names and it would surprise me if they asked about marital status. Of course, the school teachers and admins never could get it into their heads that I had a different last name and kept addressing me as "Mrs. (Husband's last name)" and I got sick of correcting them.
I don’t remember specifically being asked about whether my parents were married, but I went to a strict Christian school where we were taught that sex outside of marriage was wrong, so I always felt ashamed about it because I knew that they weren’t married even if other people didn’t know.
That’s exactly the slack I’m talking about. You’re both educated and have established careers. You’re socioeconomic equals. If you were Art History Barbie not working and with a couple of offspring and not in a common law marriage state, you run the risk of becoming Trailer Trash Barbie if the oral surgeon bails out. The less high wage job skills you have, the more critical the get married, stay married becomes.
You still didn’t answer my question. Would the children of a poorly educated married couple ( who were basically socioeconomic equals) fare better than the offspring of a more educated socioeconomic equal unmarried couple... simply because they were married? Is that little piece of paper the deciding factor on how the children will fare... or is it the education, and higher earning that’s more of a factor on how the kids will do?
Both sets of people could be great sets of parents or both sets could be lousey parents... In what way does the married couple trump the unmarried couple.. as far as how their kids will do if you leave out the education and earring ability? What I got from the OP’s question had nothing to do with education or earning ability but rather was predicated on kids doing better in married households as opposed to unmarried households.
Last edited by Sydney123; 01-22-2019 at 06:05 PM..
You still didn’t answer my question. Would the children of a poorly educated married couple ( who were basically socioeconomic equals) fare better than the offspring of a more educated socioeconomic equal unmarried couple... simply because they were married? Is that little piece of paper the deciding factor on how the children will fare... or is it the education, and higher earning that’s more of a factor on how the kids will do?
According to the researcher interviewed in the podcast I listened to, the difference was there even when you compared kids from families with similar socioeconomic status. That was only in the US, though- not in Scandinavian countries, where there was no difference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
I don’t remember specifically being asked about whether my parents were married, but I went to a strict Christian school where we were taught that sex outside of marriage was wrong, so I always felt ashamed about it because I knew that they weren’t married even if other people didn’t know.
Ah, THAT would sting. My late husband was born in 1938 to unwed parents- father just not interested in making that commitment and eventually left for California in search of a better life. At the time, birth certificates had a box to check if the birth was "Illegitimate" The doctor was kind enough NOT to check it off.
Ah, THAT would sting. My late husband was born in 1938 to unwed parents- father just not interested in making that commitment and eventually left for California in search of a better life. At the time, birth certificates had a box to check if the birth was "Illegitimate" The doctor was kind enough NOT to check it off.
Yeah, I learned early that I was a “bastard” child. Sure, kids will always have reasons to get picked on or feel like they don’t fit in, but it doesn’t have to be because their parents aren’t married since that is something that the parents have control over. No need to start off potentially messing up a child’s self-esteem by making them different from everyone else. Even Brad Pitt and Angelina’s children supposedly wanted them to get married. It still mattered to them despite how wealthy and privileged they were.
Ah, THAT would sting. My late husband was born in 1938 to unwed parents- father just not interested in making that commitment and eventually left for California in search of a better life. At the time, birth certificates had a box to check if the birth was "Illegitimate" The doctor was kind enough NOT to check it off.
So are you saying that had your father’s parents had been married, your father’s dad probably would have been more interested, committed and would probably not have left in search of a better life ? Or could it have been that either way... he just just wasn’t interested and wanted to bounce... married or not?
You still didn’t answer my question. Would the children of a poorly educated married couple ( who were basically socioeconomic equals) fare better than the offspring of a more educated socioeconomic equal unmarried couple... simply because they were married? Is that little piece of paper the deciding factor on how the children will fare... or is it the education, and higher earning that’s more of a factor on how the kids will do?
Both sets of people could be great sets of parents or both sets could be lousey parents... In what way does the married couple trump the unmarried couple.. as far as how their kids will do if you leave out the education and earring ability? What I got from the OP’s question had nothing to do with education or earning ability but rather was predicated on kids doing better in married households as opposed to unmarried households.
Not enough data. “Educated” is an insufficient description. If it means 21st century job skills with capacity for critical thought and a launched career, sure. If it’s 2 years of remedial high school at a community college and 2 years occupying space in a low end state school taking an easy major, followed by a repetitive task job? Any children are unlikely to get the parental guidance, peer group, and quality schools to have a very good outcome. The outcome would typically be better applying the “get married, stay married” societal rule.
You’re getting my classist, elitist worldview. 5%er parents are likely to have a good outcome regardless of marital status or single parent bumps in the road. The median person with children is going to have a better outcome for themselves and their children if they get married and stay married.
Not enough data. “Educated” is an insufficient description. If it means 21st century job skills with capacity for critical thought and a launched career, sure. If it’s 2 years of remedial high school at a community college and 2 years occupying space in a low end state school taking an easy major, followed by a repetitive task job? Any children are unlikely to get the parental guidance, peer group, and quality schools to have a very good outcome. The outcome would typically be better applying the “get married, stay married” societal rule.
You’re getting my classist, elitist worldview. 5%er parents are likely to have a good outcome regardless of marital status or single parent bumps in the road. The median person with children is going to have a better outcome for themselves and their children if they get married and stay married.
Lol... baffle them with BS.
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