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My Dw has a good mind for business. Our marriage has become primarily a business partnership. If I were to leave her, she has plans and methods to ruin me.
So, how do you cope? How are you feeling at this point? Angry? Content?
She would financially ruin you if you had the nerve to seek out a relationship which met your needs? Wow. That's control, not love.
That is not necessarily so. Over the many years we were married, there were many times I did not 'feel like' it but still felt enjoyment in just the closeness and intimacy of physical contact and the very idea of giving..
"Getting off" is not always the only point.
But like you said, there was still some type of enjoyment. I was speaking on none at all. Not even what you're describing. And it's consistently like that. Of course this is different in each situation. Just how I personally see it.
Not just 'temptation' but also frustration and anger.
When my Dw and I were both 25 she decided that we should be celibate. The following 35 years of marriage have been filled with frustration, arguments and no real 'connection'.
She should have never made the decision for the both of you. If i developed a fear of sex i think i would encourage my partner to seek it with someone else, we would have to re-define the boundaries and expectations of our relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
But also, a writing on Fetlife that made the front page for a while, about "Mexican Dinner Consent." The guy was saying that he was frustrated with one of the typical defining standards of consent being "enthusiastic" because he felt that in a long term relationship, sometimes life just makes you somewhat less than enthusiastic but it can be a good idea to just do it anyways (the point of the OP.) He said that he is not a tremendous fan of Mexican food, but his wife is. And sometimes she'll REALLY want to go do Mexican dinner. He's not wild about the idea but he goes along. Once he's there and eating his food though, he's like "Yeah ok, this isn't too bad" and usually has a satisfying experience, even if he was dragging his feet out the front door. So this "maintenance" sex, he calls it "Mexican Dinner Consent" where one or the other partner might not be really feeling super sexual before the fact but once they get into it, they're into it and they do enjoy themselves. And honestly in a longterm relationship, I think there will be periods of time where life just makes people TIRED. It is easy to feel like sex is just more effort than one has to give.
Always a great post sonic, we seem to have a lot in common, this is the first one that has made me crave Mexican for lunch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginge McFantaPants
Eh. Not everyone wants to have their partner throw ‘em a bone (so to speak...) when said partner really isn’t into it.
I think a lot would say they don't want that, but they say sex and money are the biggest causes of arguments in a marriage, so if the partners did throw'em a bone, it would be one less thing to argue about.
There was a TEDtalk where the woman discussed infidelity and she said the best way to get in the mood for sex is to have sex, sounds a bit silly but I felt she had a very valid point, There's been time when i had sex when i would of rather been sitting on the couch eating pizza, but having had a partner that needed physical touch above anything else i knew that this was how he felt loved and recharged, Sex was always great and he was super loving afterwards, 9/10 times I would fall asleep after sex, if he still had energy he'd clean my condo...total win win in my book.
She should have never made the decision for the both of you. If i developed a fear of sex i think i would encourage my partner to seek it with someone else, we would have to re-define the boundaries and expectations of our relationship.
Same.
I'm a guy, and there's no way I would have made that sort of decision for her.
So, how do you cope? How are you feeling at this point? Angry? Content?
... That's control, not love.
I was angry for a long time.
At this point, I have prostate cancer. It was surgically removed in 2014. It came back in 2018. Last summer I went through radiation treatments and hormone therapy. My Testosterone was reduced to zero and has been held at that level for the past 10 months. Much like 'chemical castration'. I feel a lot less angry about being celibate now. But at the same time, I have a lot less energy to do anything right now.
I was very bitter about it for many years. We have talked about this topic a lot, as well as about divorce. I have not filed for divorce because, to me divorce is only allowed after she commits adultery, and she is not about to do that.
Fair enough. She decided to refuse any intimacy with me though.
No.
My Dw has a good mind for business. Our marriage has become primarily a business partnership. If I were to leave her, she has plans and methods to ruin me.
So you would be ok with other types of intimacy?
If you think she would "ruin" you if you divorced her, there are bigger issues than sex.
But like you said, there was still some type of enjoyment. I was speaking on none at all. Not even what you're describing. And it's consistently like that. Of course this is different in each situation. Just how I personally see it.
If you get no enjoyment at all from being close to your partner, that indicates there is something wrong.
If you think she would "ruin" you if you divorced her, there are bigger issues than sex.
It sounds like neither of them are being very empathetic to the other. I can't fathom being in a relationship that feels like a hostage situation (on both sides.)
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