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I think that your friend in an effort to catch her boyfriend's heart, offered up the sex too soon. But because she was too easy for him, he didn't get to enjoy the fun and the challenge of the chase. Now that he has the sex, there is no reason for him to court her any longer because she's already his. Probably the only thing that would cause him to want to keep her around would be if she won a lottery and came into a lot of money.
A little girl gets up in the middle of the night, hears a noise coming from her parents' bedroom, and peers in. Disturbed by what she sees, she creeps back to bed.
The next morning, her mother is driving the little girl to school. The little girl pipes up and asks, "Mommy, why were you and daddy naked in bed last night? Both of you were making a lot of noise."
The mother pauses for a moment, and decides that honest is the best policy, and replies, "Well, sweetie, that's how we get babies."
The little girl thinks for a second, and then asks, "Well, then why was Dad's thing in your mouth?"
The mother replies, without skipping a beat, "Well, sweetie, that's how we get jewelry."
I always suspected ya'll had brains in your panties!!
I've been trying to help her out with this situation but I'm getting that he feels her vibes & she' explained it to me that he's just real low key...but I said, hey, if he's got your number & has called you, he knows how to dial...let his fingers do the walking & quit calling him...
I've not met him but they met on the internet, Jdate, if that helps...and the other thing I keep thinking is that he's seeing other people...he also can not always perform, but has admitted to having no problem by himself...
I've never experienced this problem with anyone unless they were too liquored up or on something...so I have no way to give advice?
I first thought she shouldn't sleep with him....now the two of them are over 40 and both have been married & divorced.....
I emailed her to ask him out to dinner and at this point, talk about the relationship and if performance is related to that & get it on the table 'cause I don't think she has anything to lose at this point....
I think that your friend in an effort to catch her boyfriend's heart, offered up the sex too soon. But because she was too easy for him, he didn't get to enjoy the fun and the challenge of the chase. Now that he has the sex, there is no reason for him to court her any longer because she's already his. Probably the only thing that would cause him to want to keep her around would be if she won a lottery and came into a lot of money.
I'm thinking the same. I tell her to start playing.
....now the two of them are over 40 and both have been married & divorced.....
Two thoughts, one is that if he's recently divorced, he may not be ready for a steady girlfriend yet. Especially if he has bad memories of his marriage, then he's going to be commitment phobic.
Otherwise, at over 40, there isn't the same drive for sex at it was when he was in his 20's. Especially if he has performance issues. So I think that your friend needs to find out what other activities he enjoys doing. I think that if she can find out his hobbies and share those interests with him, she might become someone that is more important to his life. I think that she has to think outside of the dating box. Going to dinner and then a movie or a bar gets boring in our 40's. And also since it's usually the men that are expected to pick up the tab.
Maybe your friend could invite him out to a concert or to an airshow and tell him that it's her treat. Maybe she should offer to take turns paying for the date. Anyway, at this age, I think that the dating game should be played differently from when we were younger.
Sorry let me start over....let's say my friend has been dating her boyfriend for a few months...she likes him, he likes her...now they do the nasty & she's bonded "with him"....but he still remains a bit distant...(in my opinion)...they talk for hours a number of times during the week and play the texting game, but as far as quality time...not quite so much...
She is now wondering why he isn't getting closer...(I think she text's him way too much...there doesn't seem to be a lot of action on his part with contact)...
I mean it's one thing if it's booty call and you both know where things lie, but in true relationship dating.....it always seems that once sex gets involved, a lot of men get freaked out and become distant...why, why, why...
I told her not to let her heart get involved (emotionally so soon), she didn't listen...I told her not to call/text him so much...she didn't listen...thoughts?
I think women, not all, but a lot of them, put much more of an emotional weight on sex than men do. This often just gets them into trouble. Men tend to see it more strictly for the physical element of it. Men will put an emotional weight behind it but usually with a select few women. An example of this is when a woman will want to take things way more seriously once you have sex with them. Which is a big mistake IMO, especially in the early stages of a relationship. There really is no need to put that much emotion into it. But that's not to say a woman should have sex right away either, it just depends on the situation.
In any case your friend should watch out. It doesn't sound like a good spot. It might be that the guy eventually opens up to her more and becomes less distant and more emotionally attached but I wouldn't count on it.
I agree....they kind of hooked up over their taste in music but he's been overnight at her house about four times....she was divorced back in 2003 and he, about 10 years ago...
I've got the impression that all they connect with is music, he does not tell her about his work nor does he ask about hers...I think that's a bit weird....after two months of seeing each other...I'd think there'd be more going on in that department....
I also think the phone is a problem...she's a big phone person...I mean it's one thing for her & I to talk, I've known her for over 20 years & we're 400 miles apart...if he lives 15 minutes from her, I personally don't see the need to be on the phone for an hour, when they could be out enjoying some kind of activity...
I think women, not all, but a lot of them, put much more of an emotional weight on sex than men do. Which often gets them into trouble.
It's something you can't help. Sex does create a bond on a physical/chemical level. Mother Nature plays this trick on us in the hope of keeping the parents of the offspring together. The trouble is she does it regardless if you plan on offspring or not... Good judgment gets clouded once false intimacy enters the picture. For this exact reason it IS best to avoid sex early on if you aim for a long-term relationship/marriage. Otherwise you get bonded with the wrong person...
REPLY: Please rephrase the question more succinctly ; do u mean how do men bond to one another, or, to a woman ?
keep reading, you'll get it....man to woman is the issue.
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