Would you ever go to a local singles mixer? (long-term, lesbian, female)

[ThisTown123]

[quote=timberline742;54275604]Not better than meeting in person, necessarily, but better than a singles mixer. The only thing people have in common at those things is that they're single. So what? I meet single people all the time, the world is full of them.

With OLD we can chat to see if we have things in common and have things we like to talk about before finding out if there is in person chemistry. I've had much better success at making really good connections that way than relying on chemistry and THEN trying to figure out if we have things in common, are wanting the same thing, if there are dealbreakers. Much better.

Sure, you can find out all these things online, but the same can be said when you meet people in person when socializing. I've found out if a woman was a single parent and or what she was or wasn't into in one conversation on a hiking Meetup (non-singles meetup, but still single people there). At a 2nd event, you may find out their religious and political beliefs.

It's much less organic online as it's organic in person. Those that have done online dating for too long tend to have unrealistic expectations in what they seek. Say if you online you eliminate anyone under 6 feet, but in person...if you met someone that's 5'10" and are charming and have a lot of other things you're looking for....you'd be more willing to throw that silly laundry list of unrealistic expectations out the window.

OLD is a godsend.

I almost spit out my drink laughing at that one. Good joke. BUt to be honest, that statement could be used in the early to mid 2000s. But now, OLD is a serious joke. Full of people with unrealistic expectations

It's also easier for the person on the other side of the screen to lie or keep crap hidden from you. In person, you can read them. Their nuances, body language, tones, etc. I have a friend of mine that has no problem striking up conversions with the ladies out and about at the local bars and dining venues.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by ThisTown123

Sure, you can find out all these things online, but the same can be said when you meet people in person when socializing. I've found out if a woman was a single parent and or what she was or wasn't into in one conversation on a hiking Meetup (non-singles meetup, but still single people there). At a 2nd event, you may find out their religious and political beliefs.

And I could have done that before even chatting with them and saved a lot of time and effort for everyone and just focused on the people that were a good fit.

Originally Posted by ThisTown123

It's much less organic online as it's organic in person. Those that have done online dating for too long tend to have unrealistic expectations in what they seek. Say if you online you eliminate anyone under 6 feet, but in person...if you met someone that's 5'10" and are charming and have a lot of other things you're looking for....you'd be more willing to throw that silly laundry list of unrealistic expectations out the window.

Organic /= better.
Yeah, so you say. I don't know anyone that has developed unrealistic expectations, in fact, the opposite. They learn what is most important to them and focus on people that fit that. And once you meet, it is perfectly organic.

Originally Posted by ThisTown123

I almost spit out my drink laughing at that one. Good joke. BUt to be honest, that statement could be used in the early to mid 2000s. But now, OLD is a serious joke. Full of people with unrealistic expectations

For you its a joke. For me and most of my friends its a godsend. I meet far more people and people that are better matches online than from IRL and it is NOT CLOSE.

[duster1979]

Around here they'll have singles dances at one of the local Eagles' clubs from time to time, and I know a couple of communities have singles' bowling nights. From what I see and hear, these aren't so much about meeting a potential partner as just an opportunity to get together with a group and not feel like a third wheel.

[ThisTown123]

Originally Posted by timberline742

And I could have done that before even chatting with them and saved a lot of time and effort for everyone and just focused on the people that were a good fit.

What's the concern about time being an issue here? How is it wasting of anyone's time if you're out an event out hiking etc. Enjoying a shared activity or hobby etc.

What's interesting is. Sure, when I did online dating, and I want to point this out to not necessarily debunk your experience, but to counter it...I used to methodically find people using my filters and reading other's profiles. Once I came across those was perfectly aligned with in interests, beliefs, and both the same relationship goals. I used to get excited about coming across a unicorn, esp. if we share the same obscure interests.

Only to get ignored or, "Thanks for the email, but I don't think we'd make a good match" and I'm thinking "bull crap because I had filtered to the interests, beliefs, hobbies, etc." , Or...she got one look at the photo and/or the height and went 'Nope!'" and ignored me and moved on. You'd think she'd be at least interested in talking or even meeting to see what I was like in person.

Organic /= better.
Yeah, so you say. I don't know anyone that has developed unrealistic expectations, in fact, the opposite. They learn what is most important to them and focus on people that fit that. And once you meet, it is perfectly organic.

What? You mean you've actually encountered people...online, that did NOT have to stringent of expectations just to even meet in person? You and your friends are indeed in the minority as there are countless comments in blog reviews and message boards about these very same issues and testimonials seen online.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by ThisTown123

What's the concern about time being an issue here? How is it wasting of anyone's time if you're out an event out hiking etc. Enjoying a shared activity or hobby etc..

Time is an issue for many people. There is a limited amount of social time. And a "singles mixer" does not sound like an enjoyable use of time to me. Hiking is great. I did it with a ladyfriend Saturday, and alone Sunday. I didn't need a group to do so. If other people want to do those groups, that's fine, just not for me.

Originally Posted by ThisTown123

Only to get ignored or, "Thanks for the email, but I don't think we'd make a good match" and I'm thinking "bull crap because I had filtered to the interests, beliefs, hobbies, etc." , Or...she got one look at the photo and/or the height and went 'Nope!'" and ignored me and moved on. You'd think she'd be at least interested in talking or even meeting to see what I was like in person..

Why do you think this? If they're not interested, they're not interested. I get messages from people that were interested and I wasn't. No reason to meet them because I appear interesting to them. That's just a waste. I'm sure I've messages people that aren't interested as well, I don't want them to waste time on me or waste my time.

Originally Posted by ThisTown123

What? You mean you've actually encountered people...online, that did NOT have to stringent of expectations just to even meet in person? You and your friends are indeed in the minority as there are countless comments in blog reviews and message boards about these very same issues and testimonials seen online.

I deal with real people and real experiences to get my information. I don't get it from reading blogs and message boards as you seem to. I don't know what you call "stringent". We all have things we're looking for and things we want to avoid. There is nothing wrong with that. You were previously speaking about unrealistic expectations, that's something different, I haven't run into unrealistic expectations often, just realistic ones.

[timberline742]

Originally Posted by ThisTown123

I've met people in real life as opposed to what I read online. None of them experienced anything positive. If anything it was a quick meet n greet, no chemistry and go home. You can't invalidate online testimonials simply because they are...online..as they were just as valid from the real life friend I've met. A few of them said that the women ghosted on them, disappeared in conversation.

To be honest, I wonder if you are arguing just for the sake of arguing because you're probably 1 of 2 I've met on here that can say that they haven't had any negative experiences with online dating.

I am not arguing at all. I'm conveying my experiences. And numerous people on here have said good things about OLD (I can't count the number of couples that have said they met via OLD on here). You're just not registering them because you don't agree with them.


Anyone who has done OLD has had people not interested, ghost them, meet them and no chemistry; that's no different than meeting people IRL. So what? You deal with all that because when you do meet someone you connect with it makes all the things where there was no connection worthwhile. A very small % of any meetings is going to result in something. No big deal.

[blktoptrvl]

I'm not interested in dancing or drinking... But a singles game night, that might be good.

[RbccL]

The thing with OLD vs Singles Meet Up is, (as the discussion always turns out to be with you TT) is that I would have to make an effort to talk to every guy in the room to be able to make an accurate assessment. I'm never going to do that.

I don't care to "sell" OLD to anyone, either, who cares what method other people use? There's no argument to win here. You do have some misconceptions though, about most people having the same experiences, or "everyone knows" "read a blog, it's true"... when real live experiences from others right here are contradicting what your opinion is. Why would anyone pretend they've never had a negative experience? I've heard the people who use it having all kinds of experiences.

Just because some people learn from experiences, or find humor in a situation, make the best of things and like it --doesn't mean they're fooling themselves or feigning success, we're not all looking for the same thing.

You can stop using OLD now, you didn't like it, and women are always too unrealistic and not giving you a fair chance. I think there's a negative vibe you give off about your opinion on women, maybe its easier to mask in real life situations than it is online?

[ThisTown123]

Originally Posted by RbccL

The thing with OLD vs Singles Meet Up is, (as the discussion always turns out to be with you TT) is that I would have to make an effort to talk to every guy in the room to be able to make an accurate assessment. I'm never going to do that.

I don't care to "sell" OLD to anyone, either, who cares what method other people use? There's no argument to win here. You do have some misconceptions though, about most people having the same experiences, or "everyone knows" "read a blog, it's true"... when real live experiences from others right here are contradicting what your opinion is. Why would anyone pretend they've never had a negative experience? I've heard the people who use it having all kinds of experiences.

Just because some people learn from experiences, or find humor in a situation, make the best of things and like it --doesn't mean they're fooling themselves or feigning success, we're not all looking for the same thing.

You can stop using OLD now, you didn't like it, and women are always too unrealistic and not giving you a fair chance. I think there's a negative vibe you give off about your opinion on women, maybe its easier to mask in real life situations than it is online?

Well, maybe I'm better online because this reminds me of a success I had some time ago with a woman I had emailed on POF. This actually brings up a good example, proving how in person trumps online encounters. I had emailed a woman online, that of course never replied, that lives in my area.

A couple months later I'm at a street concert/fair and I see her and I said to myself, "Screw it, I'll introduce myself" I made NO mention of having emailed her on POF. We surprisingly clicked! She got my humor, thought I was funny, had the same ideals, hobbies, etc.

Anyways, about 5 dates in, I say to her, "Hey, you know, I had contacted you on POF a few weeks ago, but you never responded" She goes, "OMG? Had I known you were this way, I'd replied!"

That was too funny. So you see, with all 5 senses and other nuances that comes with face-to-face interaction. The more natural and organic way of coupling up worked out great. I would imagine that I was one of so many emails in her inbox she may have overlooked me or thought I was too short and dismissed me like a product as she was thumbing through a catalog. There are serious missing components when you do the online thing.

I've heard a few accounts of men in my situation where the women they saw online, they approached when they saw them in person....they scored #'s and got dates.

Also, wanted to share this very lengthy reddit discussion about how "OK Cupid is dead" ever since they changed their format to, "you can only see messages from people you've liked" format.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OkCupid/com...cupid_is_dead/

Yep, I would've never met my now boyfriend if I had tried to message him after these changes were made.

Really? So OkCupid is just Tinder with longer profiles?

Another forum dweller put this pretty well:

When it comes to online matching, since guys are vastly more prolific at reaching out - women get 'action' at a far greater scale than men - so the motivation to change their preferences becomes far less. A lot of online sites have profiles that seem to be pretty much 'set it, and forget it' with very little changing over a very long time. They don't feel their options are 'limited' in any sense because there is always messages in their inbox. Why change it? It takes a much longer time for them to 'fail' enough to convince them to expand or change their preferences. For most guys, we need to change it up constantly, or at least appear to need to - because a lot of men have the 'options' of very few mediocre contacts, or none at all.

I think that is a very real problem. A lot of women have no clue that the online traffic for a lot of guys is non-existent - unless they work very hard at it, or lie enough to be convincing. A lot of guys feel the need to lie to women about their online volume -- because women are REALLY drawn to the idea that their guy is wanted by others, but they are considered more attractive than the competition. It's an absurd flip on the idea that guys like the 'chase' when it sure seems like women want a 'chased' guy even more.

People kind of assume that their online experiences are the same as everyone else, but it's like the difference between shooting a bullet, or throwing it.

People always prefer what they prefer - but assigning values on a website makes that preference a mechanical, un-emotional choice - and the software can't really allow for the variance our own eyes and hearts would allow for. Shuffling those check boxes around a bit can be a real eye-opener, but I'm afraid we have programmed ourselves to believe that ANY compromise or ANY variance in our 'ideal' goal equates to nothing less than total failure.

[cyphorx]

Originally Posted by timberline742

Not better than meeting in person, necessarily, but better than a singles mixer. The only thing people have in common at those things is that they're single. So what? I meet single people all the time, the world is full of them.


With OLD we can chat to see if we have things in common and have things we like to talk about before finding out if there is in person chemistry. I've had much better success at making really good connections that way than relying on chemistry and THEN trying to figure out if we have things in common, are wanting the same thing, if there are dealbreakers. Much better. OLD is a godsend.

Actually they all suck, but old is the lesser of the 3 evils.
mixers in my area usually end up being sausage parties, and the few times it was a good ratio(more women than men) it was mostly over weight women or single mothers who's ex's had the kids that weekend.

meeting "organically while socializing" is no good people people who don't enjoy social environments, plus it wastes a lot of time since not every person in a social environment is single and the only way to find out who is single is talking to a bunch of random people, so a lot of time is wasted barking up the wrong trees.