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For Belle's sake, I'm wondering what are the kinds of things people think would need to be brought up to be thought of as being "honest" versus things that have no need of being "confessed" and it's okay to consider them as truly personal.
i have always been judged from where i come from. family members that have done drugs, in foster homes, just drama. And others have judged me and called me trash because of my bacground, none of it was my fault but ppl are very harsh sometimes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VexedAndSolitary
Yes me too.
Belle are you referring to your past relationship with the guy who was paying you?
If you now have a high paying, respectable job as you stated in the Christmas spending thread, just keep your mouth shut re: your recent past. He has no need to know.
Hope you are in comm college as you posted; that will make you look good, too. As well it should!
That and other stuff. And yeah I think I'm just not gonna say a lot about it. I just dont want to pretend to be something i am not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
I don’t lead the conversation with a new guy in my life by thinking up the worst thing or worst decisions that ever happened to me. Why would that be necessary?
Only if it’s serious and we have a chance of running into a past customer, and I was a drug dealer, user, or prostitute would I think it’s necessary to prepare someone by confessing. Maybe if I have a warrant I would give them the heads up, or I’m on probation and can’t enter establishments serving alcohol. If I’m not allowed within a certain distance of schools or young children. If I have an Active stalker. Have been to prison maybe.
None of those things have happened, nothing else to judge me on, we all live and learn.
Yeah I guess i was thinking too much about it. i just want a relationship but I'm just a little scared.
i have always been judged from where i come from. family members that have done drugs, in foster homes, just drama. And others have judged me and called me trash because of my bacground, none of it was my fault but ppl are very harsh sometimes.
That and other stuff. And yeah I think I'm just not gonna say a lot about it. I just dont want to pretend to be something i am not.
Yeah I guess i was thinking too much about it. i just want a relationship but I'm just a little scared.
Girl please. I reiterate keep mouth shut re: sordid details!
Share the positive things; downplay the negative and omit some things. Those things shall not affect him nor your relationship; he has no need to know and you have no obligation to share.
No need to be scared. Keep it positive and true, don't exaggerate nor lie about the good things you're doing but steer clear of the bad.
Be vague; you can say, for example, "well, my childhood was a hard time for me" without getting specific. I was victim of severe abuse in childhood and no one who knows me ever heard a single detail; most have no idea. I've mentioned it on here due to total anonymity but in RL hellnaw.
Girl please. I reiterate keep mouth shut re: sordid details!
Share the positive things; downplay the negative and omit some things. Those things shall not affect him nor your relationship; he has no need to know and you have no obligation to share.
No need to be scared. Keep it positive and true, don't exaggerate nor lie about the good things you're doing but steer clear of the bad.
Be vague; you can say, for example, "well, my childhood was a hard time for me" without getting specific. I was victim of severe abuse in childhood and no one who knows me ever heard a single detail; most have no idea. I've mentioned it on here due to total anonymity but in RL hellnaw.
Sooooo, Your "plan" is to enter a relationship building on a foundation of deceit.
The idea is to enter into a relationship with a fine and moral person.
And, your advise is to conceal a corrupt and ugly past.
Because.... What the heck, he'll probably never find out anyway.....
Sooooo, Your "plan" is to enter a relationship building on a foundation of deceit.
The idea is to enter into a relationship with a fine and moral person.
And, your advise is to conceal a corrupt and ugly past.
Because.... What the heck, he'll probably never find out anyway.....
WOW... What a way to start a relationship.
Erm no.
I am speaking to this poster's past, specifically. If you were familiar with her posts you'd see that it makes sense in her case.
We're not talking about hiding things like a prison history or incurable STD or pretending to be a surgeon when one is really a CNA. We're talking about things that in no way will affect the guy and will only prove embarrassing to the OP.
Last edited by VexedAndSolitary; 01-31-2019 at 10:53 AM..
You seem at odds with yourself, not with others.
You need to come to terms with your past so you can move on from it and allow yourself to enjoy the present.
Until you adddress yourself with yourself you’re not going to get anything you want without deception, avoidance and falsehoods involved.
You need to work on what it is that makes you feel this way and not let your loneliness drag other people in to your mess. Get yourself in to some therapy and start talking to someone who can help guide you to a better mind space.
Have you ever spoken to someone about the feelings you have about yourself?
If you enter into a relationship by deceiving me.....
Why would I feel any obligation to be honest with you?
There are things in my life (and anyone's) that is my own business and you are not necessarily entitled to know them. Some things affect a particular relationship and others have, or should have, no impact because they are irrelevant. Sorry, not everyone is entitled to every detail of my life. I'll never give you my passwords either, and I won't ask for yours.
What is YOUR secret? ...just playing devil's advocate, of course.
Yes, you've had sex with other men in the past maybe even a lot of men, and yes some men will reject you for that. It sounds stupid, but any reason to stop seeing someone is valid.
If you think it's a potential deal breaker better to bring it up early or bring it up never. Either let him go in to the deal with eyes wide open or keep him in the dark forever. Judging people is one thing, but people have the right to refuse to pursue a relationship with someone for any reason they want.
Agreed. People might think it's silly to hold someone's past against them but you can't force anyone to date you or even like you.
They might be a good person now but they aren't willing to deal with the baggage they bring.
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