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I would also wonder about their reasons for not having been in a relationship, and what had changed/why, that now they suddenly want one.
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You can use that rationale for anyone. Youve seen it on this board, most people have an agenda for why they are looking for a relationship. They dont want to be alone, on the rebound, want to be married and have kids, want security, but it doesnt matter with who. Theres also tons of people out there (and on this board) that have been in plenty of relationships and still cant do it right. People learn all the wrong ways to "relationship" from each other. If people are willing to try and change their dates but not willing to teach someone new? Thats ridiculous.
You have to worry about that with anyone you decide to date. So in the grand scheme of things, someone in their 40s that hasnt been in a relationship, and whatever that entails is nothing compared to all the baggage thats out there of people with "experience". You find out what their deal is, and it either works for you or it doesnt.
Yeah, I could never figure out the whole "I buried themselves in their books in college, NO TIME FOR DATING!" when college was THE cornucopia of the main means to find your first spouse. And the amount of dating done in college, you had your pick of the plentiful options. No online crap either. People take breaks from studying to date and have a social life, so it's just an excuse. I've done it in college as well. I buried my nose in my books LONG enough to get good grades.
Simply put...you can do both. Believe you me, if said student was attractive enough, turned them on, etc., they'd drop their books for a couple of hours to go out with someone. I bet a MAJOR selling point would be if the man who approaches this lady student was in the SAME field....you'll hear music. ;-)
I could see doing it, but. Someone who is in an intensive college major is on course for an intensive career. Intensive careers don't tend to ease off (sometimes they just get worse as you move up). So I'd wonder where they suddenly got the time to get involved with someone if they never did before (I would suspect either they were easing off their job and would wonder why and how that might affect their job stability, and I'd wonder if they didn't just decide they were getting old and running out of time and whoever they got into a relationship would just have to deal with never seeing them). Also, people who are workaholics don't tend to change-- it's partly that they're so used to doing nothing with their life but work, they don't know what to do with themselves otherwise so they might as well keep working long hours.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Hemi
You can use that rationale for anyone. Youve seen it on this board, most people have an agenda for why they are looking for a relationship. They dont want to be alone, on the rebound, want to be married and have kids, want security, but it doesnt matter with who. Theres also tons of people out there (and on this board) that have been in plenty of relationships and still cant do it right. People learn all the wrong ways to "relationship" from each other. If people are willing to try and change their dates but not willing to teach someone new? Thats ridiculous.
You have to worry about that with anyone you decide to date. So in the grand scheme of things, someone in their 40s that hasnt been in a relationship, and whatever that entails is nothing compared to all the baggage thats out there of people with "experience". You find out what their deal is, and it either works for you or it doesnt.
Yes, that's precisely the reasoning. But, some people are more comfortable dealing with baggage, and some people are more comfortable dealing with relationship inexperience (which also comes with baggage, just a different type, whether it's their assumptions about themselves in relationships, their inexperienced assumptions about how relationships work, or even a certain number of stars in their eyes and romantic ideals that reality hasn't burned off them yet), and the possibility that the person has simply now become desperate (even though they may not be any better relationship material than they were before).
I would also wonder about their reasons for not having been in a relationship, and what had changed/why, that now they suddenly want one.
What if they always wanted a relationship, but were unable to find someone to have a relationship with?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Yeah, I could never figure out the whole "I buried themselves in their books in college, NO TIME FOR DATING!" when college was THE cornucopia of the main means to find your first spouse. And the amount of dating done in college, you had your pick of the plentiful options. No online crap either. People take breaks from studying to date and have a social life, so it's just an excuse. I've done it in college as well. I buried my nose in my books LONG enough to get good grades.
Simply put...you can do both. Believe you me, if said student was attractive enough, turned them on, etc., they'd drop their books for a couple of hours to go out with someone. I bet a MAJOR selling point would be if the man who approaches this lady student was in the SAME field....you'll hear music. ;-)
There are college majors that make having a social life very difficult. I was an architecture major, and spent most of my time in the studio. I always thought it was funny that everyone else was stressing out during finals week, when that was the easiest week for most architecture students.
Also, I was quite pleasantly surprised that, after graduation, my first job had regular 8-5 hours.
Yes I'd consider it. Whether it's a problem depends on the reasons for it and whether he's unhappy with the situation. But I don't believe humans should be required to have romantic relationships. Someone is not broken because they've never fallen in love.
What if they always wanted a relationship, but were unable to find someone to have a relationship with?
Then I would wonder why it took so long-- it would suggest to me that either they were quite picky (and if it was me getting involved with them, I'm nothing special so there's no reason a person should break a dry spell of decades just for me and/or think I was the one person they'd met in the last 25+ years worth getting involved with), or they weren't appealing to other people for some reason.
Is there a problem if a guy has never had a relationship before and still in his 40s? Is there still hope for him finding someone special to settle down? Would you consider going out with a guy that has never been in a relationship before?
Here it is, straight shooting here. Buckle up........
Its not normal, it's abnormal. Let's get our dictionaries out folks and look up the word "normal" it doesn't fit the "norm" Don't what more we can say here.
Last edited by Chowhound; 02-10-2019 at 05:51 PM..
One does not need to be in love to have a relationship. Not by a long shot.
You think everyone in a dating relationship is 'in love' or loves the person? That is really inaccurate.
Many people are dating a person without being in love with the person.
Being in love when dating a person is definitely not required.
Dating a person can be far removed from love - being in love or loving sometimes leads to marriage, and love certainly does not occur in every dating relationship.
Maybe we have different definitions of "love". For me, "being in love" is why you have a relationship.
Then I would wonder why it took so long-- it would suggest to me that either they were quite picky (and if it was me getting involved with them, I'm nothing special so there's no reason a person should break a dry spell of decades just for me and/or think I was the one person they'd met in the last 25+ years worth getting involved with), or they weren't appealing to other people for some reason.
Yes it is, but it's true. I've known people still single past the age when most people aren't, and it's usually because they don't want a relationship, or because no one wants to be with them.
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