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Dear mintchip, as I read your heartfelt, vulnerable post, I felt so deeply sad for you, and, at the same time, so much deep respect and admiration for you (and your husband, too.)
I do not believe I can offer much guidance because I am like you, i.e., I would never leave a man I love if he could not "perform" related to medical reasons. With that, I too would feel deep sadness and feel trapped, as you do. I understand all of that; I do.
With all of that now said, I believe you, inherent in being a human who has one shot at this life, have the universal "right" to seek out and bring into your life what brings joy and meaning and purpose to your life. This, life, is your show, and you get to decide how you want it to go. I believe that strongly. I also strongly believe in the "do no harm" stuff, but you are not harming anyone and you mean no harm. I don't think it wise to sacrifice your unique needs for that of another if the sum total will cause you pure misery. What kind of life is that to try to live. It's a life-sentence in misery.
No, not everyone who is coupled is blissfully happy. That is an act they show the world to hide the fact of their miserable lives and existence. No one, and I mean on one, is more "happy" or experiencing a more fulfilling life than are you. Situationally are they? Sure. But, on the whole, no. Nobody has a better life than you do. Remember that.
You DO have someone to talk to--talk to us. We are here for you.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response. Yes, I have lately been thinking about how short life is and what I want out of life. I don't want to hurt anyone if I have sex outside of marriage (let's say with someone who is also married). I'm just trying to find my little slice of affection and happiness.
I agree that often what we see on the outside is not all there is and that emotions are situational, not all or none. Thanks for reminding me of that.
I have a wonderful partner and husband. I guess i have my own intimacy issues, and coupled with his, we are not a good match in this way. It just hurts to think that other people's husbands desire them but not mine. And then on top of this, men might desire me but think I'm unavailable because of the ring on my finger. I might want more from them but don't know how to go get it because I'm not exactly that type. It's a really sad and challenging situation for me and makes me feel ultra insecure.
ah, your husband was into competitive bicycle riding. I've read that competitive bicycle riding can cause harm to male sexual functionality. You said he had or has erectile dysfunction. Maybe the ED was caused from competitive bicycle riding, yes?
It would be interesting to know your age, OP, and age of your husband and how long you two have been together.
You don't have that many posts, so I looked up your old posts to get some context, and 10 years ago you were posting about how alone you felt, but there was one similarity ... you were seeking attention from other men.
Maybe there's some underlying issue that you're carrying with you that has affected your relationship with this guy.
It's quite possible. I was very neglected by my family. My GP is my medical doctor. I have developed feelings for him over time. I think he likes to flirt with me but I assume he doesn't want it to go anywhere.
A truly committed marriage would find creative ways to deal with the bedroom problems. Your husband would make an effort to satisfy you in ways other than intercourse, and you would tone down your demands/desires somewhat. Kind of a compromise. If neither of you are willing to do that, then the marriage is truly broken and it’s time to end it and move on. IMO.
It's quite possible. I was very neglected by my family. My GP is my medical doctor. I have developed feelings for him over time. I think he likes to flirt with me but I assume he doesn't want it to go anywhere.
It sounds like you have emotional issues you need to work through.
And you need a new doctor. But until you deal with the emotional problems you will transfer this emotional neediness to any man who pays attention to you.
I am married but haven't had sex in four, yes ladies and gentleman, FOUR years.
The love is there, but just not the sex, and I know this will never change.
I am so sorry this is happening to you.
In 1985 events happened which caused my wife to stop.
There was one day in 1995 when she was willing to attempt sex with me,
and again in 2014 [the day before a surgery that removed the nerves to my penis].
But otherwise our marriage has been celibate the past 30+ years.
I am not cut out for celibacy. I understand your anguish.
Quote:
... I feel angry. I feel needy for attention from a man. I feel jealous (not something I typically feel) of other couples. I feel the pang of loneliness daily. I developed a HUGE crush on a someone I know (my married GP).
You need to address this anger. Get you some.
I am in the process of dealing with cancer treatment. My surgery was followed by radiation and hormone treatment] I am having difficulty dealing with side effects from the hormone treatment. We have met with a few practitioners for help with these side effects. It seems that my pent-up anger and frustration has only made my side effects worse. Yesterday we had a respected herbalist in our home for a 3 hour discussion, I cried through most of it, as we discussed my issues. Years of holding in all of that emotion was bad for me. As you torment yourself, it will come back on you.
I would have been far better off to have had an affair each year.
I think my wife even recognizes that it does not change her attitude toward sex herself though.
You need to get you some. and do it again next year and the year after that.
Stress, lack of romance? I don't think open relationships are the cure. Maybe you both could see a doctor and see if there is a way to increase the libido. Or do something you both like that is a turn on. Sometimes lack of nutrients like me, even being a man in my 30's. I started taking a simple multivitamin that had zinc, and I have a stressful job, and now I'm more in tune with dating women and being around them. A year ago I wasn't. The vitamin shortage was a BIG thing for me. Sometimes it is as simple as that and other times it isn't. Maybe this could be something to get into?
I hear you. I am not trying to entice or entrap anyone, but I feel like other people have to decide what is right for them. If I find someone who is equally lonely and we agree to it on certain terms, I would consider my options.
No. That's BS. Are you serious right now? Other people gotta do what?
See, that's what I'm talkin about. The divergence. Why you think you run things?
When did this happen?
No, when a man is tempted, is different than when a woman is tempted. Let me give you an example.
A woman could simply brush her *** against a man and it's as if we don't have any control over our bodily functions. Or a woman could simply even position herself in such a way and it makes us respond.
Then it's also a challenge. It's like, what happens if I don't give this female what she wants? Is she going to try to control me? Look, this type of behavior makes it very uncomfortable in the work place.
And for men, you know, we are getting harassed more and more by married women.
Ask guys here if they would be okay with their wives touching men and winking and putting their *** in front of them?
Probably not right? So, why you think that behavior is acceptable?
Lol.
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