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I don't understand the meaning of "a portion of her husband's income". All of both your incomes after you marry, belongs to both of you. You can futz around with separate accounts and the like, so you can pretend it isn't so, but it is. Once you get married there's not "his money" or "her money" there's just "our money". The exception is what each person held before marriage, and inheritances, and life insurance payouts from relatives that indicate one of the other as beneficiary.
If you two together decide it's a good thing to send x money per month to her relatives, then do that. If you decide it's a good thing for each of you to have a certain amount of money each month to spend without consulting the other, do that too. (Every couple has this to a degree; no one expects him to check with her before buying a pack of chewing gum. Everyone expects him to check with her before buying a house. It's just where you draw the line.)
So, OP, you aren't "giving her $500 a month", any more than she's "giving you" whatever your typical cash expenditures are, let's say $900.
Sorry, but I believe you either are married or you aren't.
I have a wee bit of experience having been married 30 years myself, and watching my parents who were married for a similar time.
You SHARE everything. Yours and mine know longer exists. NOW...just because you share doesn't mean you throw caution to the wind and don't have rules in place for the money. You can allot her a certain amount of money each month if that works for you guys
I don't think there is any generalization that can be made....
It's up to each couple to decide their financial situation according to their needs and expectations.
This. My mother was, and my DIL is, a SAHM. Yeah, a SAHM DOES need a portion of her husband's income to buy clothes, get her hair cut, etc. That was the plan going into the marriage and it worked well.
Your case is different and I'm guessing you're uncomfortable with it. I agree that it's important to know how old her kids are, whether they're capable of supporting themselves, how much their father contributes if they're still minors. And how substantial are her earnings? (You don't need to give us numbers- just curious if it's the earnings from a minimum-wage or an executive job she's sending back home.) How is it affecting your ability to save for retirement and spend on your own "wants"?
It's time to have the discussion with her that you should have had before you married if you want things to change.
I am a single dad and have been for 15 years. One kiddo has completed college and is supporting himself on his own. The other son is away at college. I married my wife two years ago. She earns about one third of what my income is. She does not contribute to our bills or expenditures at all. She remits her income back to her kids in another country. I totally support her and provide her with 500. Per month. My question is it normal for women to expect a portion of her husbands income. I really don't know if American women are also expecting money payments and full support when they marry later in life and their husband makes more than them. Thank you in advance for your opinions.
This is a discussion to have before you get married. You're two years late.
if she's the beneficiary of your assets she should be contributing towards them
and yes to monthly utilities too..and mortgage..
women in America are very independent and fought for equal rights for decades -
part of the equal rights with working or having carreers is also sharing the expenses/responsibilities of living or the house..
life is a balance...I know a few marriages that it was a mutual decision the wife didn't work and mothered the kids.... or even home schooled them....this was a priority over standard of living..
I also know a couple neighbors.. foreign...that it is more customary for them.... that the man works and the woman stays home.....and treats him like a king
marriages don't come with guarantees or warrantees - communication is the glue to a successful relationship....
but also respect... treat each other with dignity ..
I worked with one guy who bought HIS own son a new car ...yet wouldn't contribute anything to HER son...this can build resentment
talk things out and keep an open mind..... if shes a good woman...keep her that way they are hard to come by
l dunno about American women but seems if forums are anything to go by most of them are moaning when the shoes on the other foot and wouldn't even consider and have all sorts of bs about him earning less than her. The whole equality thing seems pretttyyyy selective.
...But like in most cases l dunno how real forums are with any real life cross section of people they often do seem to mainly attract just certain types of people.
Wait just one minute... this isn’t a real forum? Huh. Is it just my imagination?
Also: “If the shoe were on the other foot” you mean if a wealthy older women bought a foreign man to support, everyone would tell her she better quit giving him money to send back home, (to “his children” she doesn’t care to meet) even though she married him, knowing he had children back there?
Sure I may be looking at this differently than you, but OP has one post with only so many details provided. Maybe he’s a sugar daddy, why is he questioning the arrangement years later?
OP...have you even MENTIONED to your wife that you feel like there needs to be more parity in your financial situation? Or was the first thing you thought of "Gee, let me get on a forum and ask a bunch of strangers what their opinion is", and then not even giving us enough detail to have an informed opinion.
If your wife is not contributing financially, does she contribute in other ways? Is she getting the groceries, doing your laundry, cleaning the house, cooking the meals? Have you thought about that aspect?
I am a single dad and have been for 15 years. One kiddo has completed college and is supporting himself on his own. The other son is away at college. I married my wife two years ago. She earns about one third of what my income is. She does not contribute to our bills or expenditures at all. She remits her income back to her kids in another country. I totally support her and provide her with 500. Per month. My question is it normal for women to expect a portion of her husbands income. I really don't know if American women are also expecting money payments and full support when they marry later in life and their husband makes more than them. Thank you in advance for your opinions.
No.
I make my own $$ and my husband makes his. Granted, we have a shared bank account so his money is my money and my money is his money, but regardless, I would never expect a man to give me any kind of 'financial' support.
Something to keep in mind: Marriage is a LEGAL union, Your reasons for becoming wed only matter to you. Regardless of how you want to work things or how you decided to work them out with your spouse, the courts would consider everything as shared if it ever went that way.
These are discussions you should be having before choosing to marry. There is no “right or wrong” way of approaching this, it’s a matter of comforts and beliefs.
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