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I agree. There is no "special one" or "soulmate". All relationships take commitment, work, good communication, and also romantic love is highly conditional. Furthermore, it can be there one day be gone the next. The other person could already have their eye on other people behind your back. It sucks and I used to be a dumb idealist about this stuff who thought I'd found his "one". But the harsh realities of life taught me otherwise.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,528,463 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eman Resu VIII
I agree. There is no "special one" or "soulmate". All relationships take commitment, work, good communication, and also romantic love is highly conditional. Furthermore, it can be there one day be gone the next. The other person could already have their eye on other people behind your back. It sucks and I used to be a dumb idealist about this stuff who thought I'd found his "one". But the harsh realities of life taught me otherwise.
That's why it is so important to find friendship & respect above everything else. Great sex & all that stuff is just the icing. You can't have an amazing relationship without friendship & respect 1st & it's because of the amazing friendship & respect you WANT to have great sex & share all the other things of a quality relationship & WHY you're crazy about them.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 02-11-2019 at 05:37 PM..
If you're looking for that person good luck. You don't really want that and you know it. Someone who is crazy about you, you will soon weary of their unfounded worship of you. And then you'll look for a person that doesn't need you, but gives you love from their balanced and centered life.
The right person is not someone who is crazy about you. Rather it's someone who has a natural attraction for you and wants to share the love they have for life with and for you, because it gives them joy. And your response is their reward. And you want to do the same.
Where is that person? It's not found, but created by two emotionally stable mature adults. It can be created with just about any two people who have a strong attraction to each other. That attraction initially comes from nature and can not be created.
So that's what you want to find. Someone who is attracted to you naturally. And you to them. Now you can CREATE the 'right' person.
You're taking the word "crazy" way too literally. When people say they want someone who's crazy about them, they mean the exact thing you said that I bolded. They don't mean that they want some psychotic stalker who worships them every second of the day. They just mean that they want a happy, loving relationship.
Let's hope this is not the case for most people...but it's much less likely to be found in emotionally healthy men & women who both have careers & independent lives & don't "need" someone just to have someone.
A lot of those seemingly together people end up alone, ever notice.
Personally l don't think need is a bad thing at all.
You need money you go make it , food you go buy it and eat it, sleep , you sleep.
Some people admit they need and love to have love and a partner, don't play games or pretend they don't , they're very comfortable admitting they do.
And usually those types have a real knack for finding it too, they know how too. Seen it dozens of times in people l've known..
l don't mean someone desperately this or that , l just mean people at peace with knowing they prefer it , at peace with who they are and what makes them tick.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,528,463 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawk101
A lot of those seemingly together people end up alone, ever notice.
Personally l don't think need is a bad thing at all.
You need money you go make it , food you go buy it and eat it, sleep , you sleep.
Some people admit they need and love to have love and a partner, don't play games or pretend they don't , they're very comfortable admitting they do.
And usually those types have a real knack for finding it too, they know how too. Seen it dozens of times in people l've known..
l don't mean someone desperately this or that , l just mean people at peace with knowing they prefer it , at peace with who they are and what makes them tick.
Needing love is Ok (I think we all need it..family, friends..) ....& being the type of person who thrives in a relationship is Ok...but that is so so different than just settling for anyone.
I don't think there is anything wrong with an individual recognizing they are better off in a thriving relationship. However, there is not enough acknowledgement for those who are just as fulfilled being single. It all comes down to that individual doing what is right for them. And further more people don't embrace the reality of human relationships. The reality is, they are not perfect. Phrases like the one mentioned in the OP, seem to place them on an unrealistic high pedestal. We need to acknowledge we cannot control who our feelings latch on to, whether or not the feeling is mutual, when we'll meet this person, IF we'll meet this person, etc. That's just now how it works. Phrases like that can come off as dismissive of this reality.
To me, if it was so important to have partner, we'd come out of the womb with one. The fact is, it's not. People need to be okay with being alone, because forming a bond and romantic to connection is not promised to ANYONE. Life is going to do what it wants to do, ALWAYS. Best to let the chips fall where they may. If you come across someone you want to be apart of your life, I think it's normal to think about pursuing a relationship in that instance. However, if you're single, not even interested in anyone at the moment, and you're lamenting about not being in a relationship, that's a recipe for misery.
Like the song says, "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with....) Words to live by...
I was thinking the same thing, it’s actually a positive way to see things. Someone else isn’t going to make you happy, you have to get there on your own.
Your problem has always been that you are unhappy single and you are unhappy with the men you shack up with..
I guess you need to figure out a time when you were happy and try to recreate it.
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