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Old 04-09-2008, 09:54 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,377,454 times
Reputation: 22738
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
do people not have discussions about these matters when they are in those types of relationships
Sounds like you frown upon THOSE relationships as if they happen only to low-life people... Don't be mistaken! The relationships discussed DO NOT necessarily involve physical violence at all! Physical violence is obvious. The deliberate insidious erosion of your partner's self is a process not visible to the outside world. It takes years even for the person affected to become aware of what exactly is going on. Instead of sticking your pretty nose up high, just pray you don't come across one. It can happen to the most educated and sophisticated.

P.S. Why do I respond to you?! You didn't respond to me!
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Old 04-10-2008, 12:37 PM
 
7 posts, read 7,829 times
Reputation: 11
I looked deeper and yes, that chicken thing makes sense. In fact it makes me feel like a pathetic, self esteem-lacking moron.

I told him today "let's end it since all we do is shout and blame each other". Expectedly, he says I'm responsible for "ruining his life, I don't respect him as I talk to guys he dislikes...BLAH" I didnt cry( Sadly, thats a first). I switched off. 4 hours later, when I switch on the cell, he texts "I cannot live without you, don't go...blah blah". I replied saying I'm always there for him.I know I shouldn't have but he sounded so helpless. Just how do I get out of this emotional whirlpool?? I know in my HEAD that texting and crying is a game he plays again and again. But its the stupid HEART that goes weak
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Old 04-10-2008, 12:38 PM
 
7 posts, read 7,829 times
Reputation: 11
Quote:
It takes years even for the person affected to become aware of what exactly is going on.

2 years of pure hell is what it took just to REALIZE whats happening.
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Old 04-10-2008, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Capitan, NM
7,064 posts, read 11,527,917 times
Reputation: 3333
Quote:
Originally Posted by endersshadow View Post
Is it really that hard to leave someone? Especially if it's an abusive relationship? Especially if the person knows he/she is being abused?

Married folks with kids leave an abusive relationship. I'm sure you can manage.
It isn't that it's so hard to leave but women want to 'fix' things and until they fix the man, who she thinks will eventually change after she fixes him, she'll stick around because leaving will cause her to feel guilty because she could'nt help him and NEEDS to.
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Old 04-10-2008, 01:34 PM
 
Location: When will Hell Freeze Phoenix, AZ
220 posts, read 519,621 times
Reputation: 116
The key word is "boyfriend". Leave - what strings do you have? Perhaps you need to see a counselor.
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Old 04-10-2008, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,413 posts, read 4,471,584 times
Reputation: 2923
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemi View Post
I told him today "let's end it since all we do is shout and blame each other"....I replied saying I'm always there for him.I know I shouldn't have but he sounded so helpless. Just how do I get out of this emotional whirlpool?? I know in my HEAD that texting and crying is a game he plays again and again. But its the stupid HEART that goes weak
You turn off your phone. You distract yourself by visiting your grandmother, or washing the car, or shopping for groceries. You consciously tell yourself: "there are his games and I'm not going to play them anymore." You have to choose to do what's best for you at this point, and that is NOT "always being there for him." You must "be there" for yourself first.
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Old 04-10-2008, 06:44 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 32,950,650 times
Reputation: 6675
Go out dancing or swimming or walking or the movie theater or the opera with your female friends or family to distract you from that mess and make you REALIZE you are much more than just a poor quality relationship.
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Old 01-28-2010, 08:07 AM
 
Location: Sloooowcala Florida
1,291 posts, read 1,382,060 times
Reputation: 984
Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator View Post
OK, could someone please interpret this for me: what does "scrapped back a guy on orkut" mean?
Orkut is a social networking site like Myspace and Facebook but in other countries like Brazil and India.

Scrap is like E-mail.
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Old 01-28-2010, 08:10 AM
 
Location: Incognito
6,987 posts, read 12,484,783 times
Reputation: 5270
Damn! This post is almost 2 years old. The OP by now has probably changed boyfriends.
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Old 01-28-2010, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Corydon, IN
2,985 posts, read 2,228,121 times
Reputation: 5623
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemi View Post
Please help me. My boyfriend of 2.5 years completed his graduation from abroad, then came back because we used to miss each other and so that we could stay together. He never discussed even once that he was leaving his placement for this.I could never come to terms with hi leaving his job there. He couldn't get a proper job here, this was last year. for the past 10 months, i've been in living hell. He started with why am i doing my internship when he "came back for us" (I was not allowed to carry my cellphone to work).I used to rush home and call him the first thing. He went on to why did i talk with this guy and that guy...how could i go out with friends after fighting with him.

I cant put it in words, the way he treated me.I know and so did he that i was so hurt.He used to say he'd do something to himself or crash his car.He got so angry when i was at class or asleep at home and couldn't talk to him. All this while, we never stopped getting physical. I'm such a fool. I thought he would know that i really care for him if i let him touch me inspite of the way he behaved.

I used to howl on phone. Then he used to apologise. It's a cycle thats been repeating.till this day.I don't know what to do. He's nice and sweet with words one day. And just when i think he's changed and he wont hurt me again, he makes me realize he has a bad job and career. Though never directly blaming me for it.

If I don't take his calls, i feel guilty because he's stuck up here with this job cz of me.But does that give him the right to throw away my love and feelings???? I've been treated for depression the last year. I blame him sometimes, but then i end up feeling bad because he says he "needs me", "needs my support". For what?? for shouting at me and and crying to show he's weak? And when i go back to him, shout at me again? This is my first relationship, and i wanted to marry this guy. Why did he change????? Is something wrong with me?

I don't feel the same way about him, or any guy for that matter. Do they just switch personalities to some controllling dominating type, once they're sure you are emotionally involved with them??

RUN, don't walk to the nearest exit from this so-called relationship.

This isn't about romance or partnership, this one is about control. The behaviour you're describing borders on sociopathic, dances across that line sometimes.

I know you're fighting with some guilt but NO ONE should have to give up their LIFE for a relationship, and no matter that this guy will call you every name in the book once you've parted ways, no matter what he'll think of you or tell people (and he will, he'll tell anyone who will listen what you "did" to him, even if you didn't actually do it), no matter WHAT, you need to walk away from this, cut ties ASAP.

I realize full well when I say it that this will be easier said than done; but trust me, you need to WALK AWAY NOW.
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