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Please help me. My boyfriend of 2.5 years completed his graduation from abroad, then came back because we used to miss each other and so that we could stay together. He never discussed even once that he was leaving his placement for this.I could never come to terms with hi leaving his job there. He couldn't get a proper job here, this was last year. for the past 10 months, i've been in living hell. He started with why am i doing my internship when he "came back for us" (I was not allowed to carry my cellphone to work).I used to rush home and call him the first thing. He went on to why did i talk with this guy and that guy...how could i go out with friends after fighting with him.
I cant put it in words, the way he treated me.I know and so did he that i was so hurt.He used to say he'd do something to himself or crash his car.He got so angry when i was at class or asleep at home and couldn't talk to him. All this while, we never stopped getting physical. I'm such a fool. I thought he would know that i really care for him if i let him touch me inspite of the way he behaved.
I used to howl on phone. Then he used to apologise. It's a cycle thats been repeating.till this day.I don't know what to do. He's nice and sweet with words one day. And just when i think he's changed and he wont hurt me again, he makes me realize he has a bad job and career. Though never directly blaming me for it.
If I don't take his calls, i feel guilty because he's stuck up here with this job cz of me.But does that give him the right to throw away my love and feelings???? I've been treated for depression the last year. I blame him sometimes, but then i end up feeling bad because he says he "needs me", "needs my support". For what?? for shouting at me and and crying to show he's weak? And when i go back to him, shout at me again? This is my first relationship, and i wanted to marry this guy. Why did he change????? Is something wrong with me?
I don't feel the same way about him, or any guy for that matter. Do they just switch personalities to some controllling dominating type, once they're sure you are emotionally involved with them??
I don't feel the same way about him, or any guy for that matter. Do they just switch personalities to some controllling dominating type, once they're sure you are emotionally involved with them??
No, all guys DON'T do that. But the one you've found sure does. You know that he's a controlling, manipulative, hyper-jealous jerk. Thus, you know all that you need to know--leave him. Now. He's bad news.
These types of men often turn out to be violent--maybe not today, but possibly in the future. Get away from this guy. Yes, it will hurt to do so. But this pain will be much, much less than the agony you could be setting yourself and your family up for in the future. DTMFA.
I think the thing a lot of women struggle with is that abusers...can be nice. There are times when they are wonderful.
But if things ever "get out of hand," or if he acts in a controlling (threating to hurt himself is a classic controlling move, by the way), overly jealous, paranoid manner....you're dealing with an abuser.
Good guys NEVER hit, NEVER try to control what you do, NEVER make you feel afraid. I'm married, and I can say I've absolutely never been afraid of my husband.
Anyway, get some counseling. Call your local health department or domestic violence center and make an appointment to see someone. It's hard sometimes to break out of these relationships by yourself; these guys know just what to say....
You have spent a year of pain. Don't make it 2.
Get out of there. He is an abuser and things will only get worse. Plan your departure from him well. I have a feeling he won't be kind about it.
I think the thing a lot of women struggle with is that abusers...can be nice. There are times when they are wonderful.
Yes, so true. Just yesterday night, I scrapped back a guy on orkut. This guy had a crush on me and my bf knows. He regularly checks those scraps. Called up at midnight yesterday, said "You won't change will you...why don't you call him online and chat with him"
At first I stuck to my point ie why should he decide who I talk to. Then he switched off for the night after repeatedly saying he hates me. And thats what broke me. I messaged him pleading i don't know what ****. Then he backtracked(I knew he would). But not before throwing around another taunt on scrapping.
I sound like a wailing baby on this public forum. But its happening each day. How do I gather that final bit of strength to leave the guy who I though was absolutely perfect ;-(
Good guys NEVER hit, NEVER try to control what you do, NEVER make you feel afraid. I'm married, and I can say I've absolutely never been afraid of my husband.
....
Really? Reading this made me cry. I said before; And I believe in it: I don't think good guy exists. I'm scared of taking calls from the only one I thought was good.
Well... don't let him guilt you on his decision to quit his placement. Maybe he can talk to one of his old advisors and get back on his academic track again.
How old are the two of you?
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