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Old 04-10-2008, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,843 posts, read 54,814,416 times
Reputation: 22811

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lt. Dan View Post
Seems to me the OP is missing out on a good opportunity. The next time she sees him checkin out internet porn and she thinks this is "exciting" him, HOP ON!! Heck, twice i bought my wife front row tickets to see the Chippendale Dancers. I stayed home and waited for my "reward". Make the best of a situation i say!
Ha-ha, I went to see them once out of curiosity. Two-thirds of the audience turned out to be retired silver-haired ladies!
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Old 04-10-2008, 12:29 PM
 
Location: SRQ ~ Siesta Key
4,232 posts, read 8,327,545 times
Reputation: 1502
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
I don't like it either. At about the time I started dating my boyfriend, there was another guy that liked me also. But one of the many things that put me off from liking him was his habit of ogling other girls in public. And he thought it was his male right to do so. So years later, he is still publicly ogling girls (and looking like a creepy older guy (he's 30 and they usually are college age girls). My current boyfriend doesn't look at porn and isn't interested in looking at other women. That makes me extra happy.

Also, my first boyfriend was open about his porn magazine collection but I never saw him reading them when I was around. And my last boyfriend never showed an interest in porn or other women when we were dating, however after we broke up, he commented a few times that he liked to watch Charmed because he liked Shannon Doherty's breasts.

So most guys do look, but the classy guys are very discrete about it. And... it's a don't ask don't tell sort of thing to me. If I don't ask I don't want to be told about it.
B*I*N*G*O...the "classy" guys are discrete when ogling...you need to understand that ALL men do it...
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Old 04-10-2008, 12:30 PM
 
Location: TX
5,413 posts, read 10,684,544 times
Reputation: 1672
No, it's not cheating (not even close). But if it bothers you, he should stop doing it.
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Old 04-10-2008, 12:34 PM
 
1,809 posts, read 2,150,789 times
Reputation: 2435
My thoughts are:

1) It sounds like you have very low self esteem
2) You call these women his "fantasy" woman and you have told them you will never look like them. Just because he looks at this pictures does not mean that his is wanting to be with them or wanting you to look like them.

IT is not cheating, and it is not a big deal unless you make it a big deal. I can't imagine how exhausting it would be to constantly be trying to "catch" him in the act.

You should take some sexy pictures of yourself and give those to him to look at.
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Old 04-10-2008, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Finger Lakes, NY
223 posts, read 620,439 times
Reputation: 252
Quote:
Originally Posted by easternerDC View Post
You should take some sexy pictures of yourself and give those to him to look at.
LOL ... That's what I do for my hubby and he loves it. Every now and then I surprise him with new pictures on a special file on his computer that he enjoys. He doesn't scan the internet nearly as much now. When he did, it bothered me, but that's why I tried this and it seems to work wonders. Then again I'm with a guy who flirts constantly with other females and admits that he does it (along w/ doing so in front of me), so not sure how many years I can keep this going. Spice up the relationship and completely throw him off guard ... be sporadic ... make love in a semi public area ... take chances in your relationship! When he's on the internet, pour a couple glasses of wine and take it to him, sit down on his lap and look at the porn together ... maybe he'll be thrown a little off guard and give you the attention you deserve!
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Old 04-10-2008, 01:30 PM
 
Location: On our boat!
5,682 posts, read 10,504,262 times
Reputation: 3197
Not a bad idea, if I do say so. But, we are "old farts" as the younger generation could say....no porn, girlie stuff or Chippendales for us. Gee, is this what happens when going into the '60's age bracket?? Maybe not, but it IS the way our marriage is....."and we like it like that".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lt. Dan View Post
Seems to me the OP is missing out on a good opportunity. The next time she sees him checkin out internet porn and she thinks this is "exciting" him, HOP ON!! Heck, twice i bought my wife front row tickets to see the Chippendale Dancers. I stayed home and waited for my "reward". Make the best of a situation i say!

Last edited by LoveBoating; 04-10-2008 at 01:36 PM.. Reason: mispell & add-on
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Old 03-26-2009, 05:32 AM
 
1 posts, read 6,027 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by songinthewind7 View Post
The guy is a redblooded male. If he didn't want to look at other women, there would be something wrong with him.
Of course, it's not cheating. Cheating is a sexual relationship. He's just looking.
I'm 41, married 14 years, and I completely disagree with the comments that this is not cheating. Maybe it's not cheating in the "physical" sense, but it is hurtful nonetheless. It's called an emotional affair, no matter how you look at it. All these people who say "it's harmless, all men do it"...BS. Not ALL men do this, and what if we all had no internet...how would they "look" then? In person? Call me oldfashioned, but when I took my vows 14 years ago, I promised to stay only unto HIM, not THEM!
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Old 03-26-2009, 11:38 PM
 
Location: James Island, SC
1,628 posts, read 2,408,735 times
Reputation: 921
The question is not, "Is X wrong?" The question is, "Does X interfere with our relationship?"

It sounds like the answer is "yes," and that he doesn't respect your feelings. If he won't talk to you about it without blaming you, maybe it's time to see a counselor.
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Old 03-27-2009, 12:22 AM
 
Location: Australia
1,489 posts, read 1,736,945 times
Reputation: 1645
I do not believe that you will have much success trying to censor his internet usage and you should not set your self up to police what he does.

But you do control what you do. What do you do to get his attention.

If he is lusting after these women maybe you need to do something to get him to lust after you. Presumably he once did.

Now we all know that we all age and so you are probably not going to be able to compete with an airbrushed 19 yo. Nore will you compete if you just stand there start naked. So don't attack this with an attitude that it is a competition. And don't say just because you are old, that he does not love you. For many men, their wives loose interest in sex and the result is no sex. The husbands then live these frustrated lives of rejection.

As far as I can see from talking to my wife and to a few other close female friends, most women have absolutely no idea of what makes men tick. So here are some ideas. At the same time, their libido has gone and they have this attitude that because they are not turned on, that they will not engage in any kind of sexual activities. However some women (see a book called the sex diaries) find that if they get over that that they can engage in intimate sexual activities with their husbands and sometimes find that they end up enjoying it.

First, make sure that even though he may think (now) of other things before he thinks of you, make sure that every thought you have is for him. The first thought in the morning through to the last thought at night.

Next talk to him. Talk to him about what turns him. Talk to him about sex. Probably the very fact that you are having the conversation will turn him on. As far as I can tell husbands and wives rarely talk about what turns each other on.

Dress to tease. Cripes dont think it is demeening. Have some fun. Dress in a way that gets his attention. For most guys it is not what they can see its what they cant see that excites them. A totally nude woman - no interest. A scantilly clad woman gets a second look.

Do things for him like a strip tease. Its just for him.

Spend time with him. Are you busy with lots of other things. Work, house work, community work. You may find that even though you think you are keeping a nice house for him and so on that he notices. No way. He just wants you - you mind, your body, your time, your love, your devotion.
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Old 03-27-2009, 12:26 AM
 
4,838 posts, read 5,180,600 times
Reputation: 2907
Quote:
Originally Posted by nOtvERyQuIet View Post
My husband of almost 10 years has an obsession with looking a half nude women on the internet.
You're lucky. If they were in bikinis, they'd be 90% nude.

The last thread on this dealt with the "full monty".

Closed to new posts in a few hours.
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