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Old 04-09-2008, 03:51 PM
 
3 posts, read 20,607 times
Reputation: 17

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My husband of almost 10 years has an obsession with looking a half nude women on the internet. He finds excuse after excuse as to why. Like....oh the radio station sent me an email and that just popped up or it was just bathing suit pics who cares or even better well my friend sent me this email.... The list goes on and on. I have expressed to him many times how this bothers me. I am 5'1", I don't have big breast or a curvy figure for that matter. I have told him I will never look like his FANTASY women and it is very hurtful. Every time I catch him he laughs and says he can't believe I was checking up on him. I have to because if I'm not getting the attention who is? Let me know your thoughts!!
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Old 04-09-2008, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Anchorage, Ak
1,413 posts, read 1,810,122 times
Reputation: 1311
I guess it sounds like your hubby isn't giving you enough attention. I personally don't believe looking at pics is cheating, but if you don't get the attention you want that could be another issue.
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Old 04-09-2008, 03:59 PM
 
Location: An absurd world.
5,162 posts, read 5,805,514 times
Reputation: 1959
I wouldn't call it cheating. He has done nothing with the women he looks at and he can only fantasize.

Not to stereotype our gender (I'm a male myself.), but I would think something was wrong if he didn't get turned on by looking at women.

I only see a problem if he's not giving you the proper attention.
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Lake Forest, CA
268 posts, read 511,472 times
Reputation: 176
There seems to be a lot of these porn posts lately... The porn industry must be making a killing. lol.

But seriously, I've learned that a vast majority of the population views porn and/or nude photos. Not just men, but women too. Though many will disagree with me on this (as I see on other threads) but I don't see it as a problem for people to watch porn/look at nude photos. Does it bother me? A little. Is it that big a deal that it will hinder a relationship? Depends.

Your problem (like most who have the same issue) seems to mostly stem from his dishonesty about it. I personally wouldn't care if my bf watched porn/nude pics. He's a man. Most men do. By not accepting that he'll do it, I'll be unaccepting of a vast majority of the male population. So I just learned to deal with it. My current bf of 2+ years has videos but watches them once in a blue moon. But realize though he lives an hour away and we only see each other on the weekends, but I wouldn't care even if he did.

THE PROBLEM though is when you DO tell the person that it bothers you, and they continue to lie and deceive you. That's when the problems arise. In a perfect world, people would watch porn and the significant other wouldn't care (Since apparently, everyone disagrees on this subject). Unfortunately, we're not in a perfect world and you'll get people that think it's a big deal, and people that don't. When you put a couple together, one from each category, that's when problems arise.

I myself choose to not care. People watch it, it's not disrespectful if there's no deception or lying. It's just a picture, or a video. But if I DID care and asked someone to stop, I would EXPECT they stop. If not, then problems ensue.

As a woman, the easy way to accept this is to look at the overall picture. You see him as looking at other women on a picture, or a video. That makes you feel insecure, or that he doesn't want you... because he's looking. Think of it this way. Don't you look at cute guys that pass by? Don't you giggle with your girlfriends when that hot stud drives by...? It's almost the same thing. Men look. Women look. I know women just take it out of context because when men do it, it's "live" on video and they're naked in the picture. In my experience, that won't "replace" a woman. Men don't go looking at pictures/videos because they want to replace you or don't love you. They JUST DO.

I'm not defending him by any means. My bf has these budweiser posters in his closet that irks me sometimes. But I know he loves ME. And I just remind myself that sometimes I look at cute guys passing by too. And reminding myself that, I feel less of a hypocrite.

But, back to what I was saying. Since in your case, you DO care that he does it and it DOES hurt you so he should respect that. And his lying and deceit is just putting your marriage on a rough path.

I do feel you though, because even though I put on my "I don't care" front, I get these once in a while moments when I feel that little "stab" when I see his friends sending him stupid joke/photos of women. But I just learned to accept that he's a guy. Guy's do that. (Unfortunately)
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:11 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
13,033 posts, read 22,430,472 times
Reputation: 10236
Some guys just like to look at other women. It makes them feel more manly. As women, we think differently. It's probably nothing to worry about. However, you've been married almost ten years and your husband feels that he knows you well and there are no more mysteries to discover about you. What about changing your hair style or without making a big deal about it, start going to a gym to work out, or bicycling or walking for exercise? Or take an art or cooking class. Add a little spice in your life for your sake and his.
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:14 PM
 
Location: el paso texas
2,606 posts, read 7,856,013 times
Reputation: 1725
No, thats not cheating, cmon, some girls act like they have brad pitts at home. First of all, its just a freakin picture, and second of all, most if not all the girls we fantasize about, theres no chance in hell, we could have a chance with, cmon, get serious!
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:28 PM
Status: "Nice and toasty!!" (set 29 days ago)
 
Location: Mile High City
10,795 posts, read 11,521,054 times
Reputation: 9686
Theres nothing wrong with it as long as you are getting the attention and affection you need at home. I'm a female.
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:30 PM
 
Location: in my imagination
10,136 posts, read 13,287,751 times
Reputation: 7111
another topic that seems to pop up alot lately.
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Capitan, NM
7,088 posts, read 12,024,223 times
Reputation: 3377
The guy is a redblooded male. If he didn't want to look at other women, there would be something wrong with him.
Of course, it's not cheating. Cheating is a sexual relationship. He's just looking.
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Old 04-09-2008, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,843 posts, read 54,814,416 times
Reputation: 22810
Cheating it obviously isn't, but I wouldn't like it. I don't know... I haven't encountered any of these obsessed with pictures/porn/you name it men and really wouldn't want them in my life... It's not that I'm a prude, but I feel I should be enough.
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