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So I am going through a break up and when I look back on it I am just genuinely sad about the whole situation. I am picky about who I date so I don't date very much, but when I do I tend to get really attached per se. My first break up was really bad it was 2 years and it took me awhile to get over it. My recent one is not that long but I liked her a lot. There are good days and then there are bad days. I don't know how other people get through break ups especially those that ended really bad and have kids involved etc... I equate break ups similar to someone dying in the family. It is an awful feeling and changes you a lot. I think at the moment I have life uncertainties.
I am 27 turning 28 and sometimes I wonder how long till I find someone. I think we all just want someone relatively normal, someone that you enjoy spending your time with, and start a family with. I have many guy friends who are single, some who never had a girlfriend. I tell them just focus on getting a solid career and things will get easier from a dating standpoint from there. I only have one friend who just got engaged and has a kid. Things started to change for him once he got a solid career. I think going through a divorce would be devastating, don't know how other people deal with it. Hopefully by the time I finish with school and have a solid career my dating life will get easier. Typically the girls that want to date me aren't very quality girls and for me I try to do the right things. Like I work on my hygiene, personality, dress well, try to get a solid education, and work out a lot. I did the whole single thing for awhile, just work on yourself get hobbies enjoy life, but at a certain point finding someone and marriage creeps in. Relatives and other friends are getting married or at the very least have a serious relationship with. Just my general thoughts. I just hope that having a solid career as a nurse will be the answer to my troubles. Figure people who are much wiser and have more life experience than me could provide their thoughts.
I have similar feelings. I was married (turned out to be a toxic relationship) so I have been through divorce. It was horrible.
I think the biggest thing is, it is normal to want a relationship. You hear so many things like, “you should be enough for yourself” but funnily enough it is always those who are coupled up who say it. You don’t need to feel bad for workingon yourself but ultimately still wanting more fulfillment. A solid career is a good start but it isn’t the guaranteeing factor.
I found meetup fun. I still use it. Look for quality groups like outdoor groups with good reviews. You can meet some new people, men and women, and have some fun ways to pass the time. Sometimes you have to pay to attend so it will “force you” to show up/get out of the house. It will help you to pass the time and get your mind off her. When you feel ready, start dating around a bit.
There are no guarantees in life and many things are random and happen with no seeming “reason.”(my belief anyway). You could find the love of your life, get married, and she could die in her 30’s. I know more than one person that has happened to. Several, actually. They never thought they’dbe alone. I never thought I’d be divorced and still dating in my 30’s. It rarely goes according to plan. In some strange way, that actually helps me because it makes it easier to believe it is not “something wrong with me” but rather, just how life shook out. In the words of “A Man Called Ove” (beautiful, beautiful film): we either live, or we die. Choose to live as best you can and do your best to make things happen. Get out there. Get your career and get to dating. And don’t give up.
Break ups are difficult regardless if its expected or unexpected (more so when unexpected). Theres a period of adjustment when you have to get used to not being around that person anymore. In my situation i divorced after a decade and we had two kids, we both knew it was ending before it ended and we both dated around. It was a tough adjustment for me because i was concerned about getting the children acclimated to their new lives and ease them into changes, i spent the past couple of years in therapy focusing on how i can be a better parent and overcoming issues that contributed to my marriage breakdown. For me the decision to get divorced was an easy one, the hard stuff came after the divorce was finalized. I learned that it was ok to mourn the loss in a divorce, not only the loss of relationship but also the loss of his family which i had considered mine for over a decade. So what you are feeling is completely normal.
Its good that you have school and your career to focus on, you are going into a field that is still fairly female dominated, so the chances of you meeting a fellow nurse is high. Dating will only get easier once you don't make it your primary focus, the more you dwell on it, the more you worry about starting a family, the more pressure you will feel...and the increase chance you will settle for a "low quality" incompatible person. You are only 27...you have time.
Break ups are difficult regardless if its expected or unexpected (more so when unexpected). Theres a period of adjustment when you have to get used to not being around that person anymore. In my situation i divorced after a decade and we had two kids, we both knew it was ending before it ended and we both dated around. It was a tough adjustment for me because i was concerned about getting the children acclimated to their new lives and ease them into changes, i spent the past couple of years in therapy focusing on how i can be a better parent and overcoming issues that contributed to my marriage breakdown. For me the decision to get divorced was an easy one, the hard stuff came after the divorce was finalized. I learned that it was ok to mourn the loss in a divorce, not only the loss of relationship but also the loss of his family which i had considered mine for over a decade. So what you are feeling is completely normal.
Its good that you have school and your career to focus on, you are going into a field that is still fairly female dominated, so the chances of you meeting a fellow nurse is high. Dating will only get easier once you don't make it your primary focus, the more you dwell on it, the more you worry about starting a family, the more pressure you will feel...and the increase chance you will settle for a "low quality" incompatible person. You are only 27...you have time.
yeah I just want a life like many people. I am trying to push through, kind of turns me off from dating. For a man it is tough because I feel like there is a lot of pressure in society to succeed. If you don't succeed in terms of career per se it can make life very difficult for you. Don't know how people can just continue to date and get over it per se. I don't think you truly get over it, it just hurts less. going through a lot of heart breaks can change your outlook on life.
Last edited by howtodealwithbreakup12; 02-20-2019 at 10:30 AM..
yeah I just want a life like many people. I am trying to push through, kind of turns me off from dating. For a man it is tough because I feel like there is a lot of pressure in society to succeed. If you don't succeed in terms of career per se it can make life very difficult for you. Don't know how people can just continue to date and get over it per se. I don't think you truly get over it, it just hurts less. going through a lot of heart breaks can change your outlook on life.
That is true. It can change you, my divorce sure did. There is a lot of pressure on women too, just in a different way.
I don’t mean just continue on. Continue on when you feel ready. Until then try to find something to occupy your time. Take an art class or meetup or something (I did all of the above).
yeah I just want a life like many people. I am trying to push through, kind of turns me off from dating. For a man it is tough because I feel like there is a lot of pressure in society to succeed. If you don't succeed in terms of career per se it can make life very difficult for you. Don't know how people can just continue to date and get over it per se. I don't think you truly get over it, it just hurts less.
Thats just your heart talking nonsense. Give it time, you’ll eventually get over her.
Btw: Everyone should strive to succeed in life, and career, with or without a significant other.
So I am going through a break up and when I look back on it I am just genuinely sad about the whole situation. I am picky about who I date so I don't date very much, but when I do I tend to get really attached per se. My first break up was really bad it was 2 years and it took me awhile to get over it. My recent one is not that long but I liked her a lot. There are good days and then there are bad days. I don't know how other people get through break ups especially those that ended really bad and have kids involved etc... I equate break ups similar to someone dying in the family. It is an awful feeling and changes you a lot. I think at the moment I have life uncertainties.
I am 27 turning 28 and sometimes I wonder how long till I find someone. I think we all just want someone relatively normal, someone that you enjoy spending your time with, and start a family with. I have many guy friends who are single, some who never had a girlfriend. I tell them just focus on getting a solid career and things will get easier from a dating standpoint from there. I only have one friend who just got engaged and has a kid. Things started to change for him once he got a solid career. I think going through a divorce would be devastating, don't know how other people deal with it. Hopefully by the time I finish with school and have a solid career my dating life will get easier. Typically the girls that want to date me aren't very quality girls and for me I try to do the right things. Like I work on my hygiene, personality, dress well, try to get a solid education, and work out a lot. I did the whole single thing for awhile, just work on yourself get hobbies enjoy life, but at a certain point finding someone and marriage creeps in. Relatives and other friends are getting married or at the very least have a serious relationship with. Just my general thoughts. I just hope that having a solid career as a nurse will be the answer to my troubles. Figure people who are much wiser and have more life experience than me could provide their thoughts.
I turned 30 not long ago and while sometimes I feel frustrated I'm not more settled down with a woman, ultimately I have to accept that the relationships I've had that have failed had their reasons for doing so. I've seen too many people just get comfortable with each other and stay together regardless of how they really feel about each other. Having parents that "stayed together for the kids" that's the absolute last thing I want.
You sound like someone that really needs to work on themselves. Doesn't mean everything has to be peachy. My life sorta sucks right now, but I know that's temporary related to work and it'll pass. Overall, I wouldn't be doing much differently. This is for while in a relationship or not. If you're in one and it ends but you're still happy with your life, it makes the transition easier. I had one end after many years not long ago and started seeing someone a week later. Now months later, I can admit the new person is a far better fit for my life than the previous one. I basically accepted the breakup off the bat, put myself out there, and because of that and being relatively happy with life in general, it wasn't hard to come off as attractive to others.
People come and go. People are always changing. I have the confidence that when a relationship ends, I can get a date with minimum effort by just being me. When one ends, it sucks that you lose someone who's likely a large part of your life for a long time, but you don't lose yourself. I think it's important for a relationship that you not only have a healthy relationship together, but you also have a healthy relationship with yourself (have separate group of friends, separate hobbies, not everything has to be done together) so that when a relationship goes you aren't as at a loss.
And again, almost 30. None of my friends are married. You've still got plenty of time. Honestly, as you get towards 30 and into it you'll find the women have changed too as they go from the mid twenties and younger to late twenties and early thirties.
My personal life philosophy that I hold is... it's about the journey, not the end point.
If you focus too much on the end point, you'll miss all the scenery. Imagine spending the entirety of every hike thinking about getting back to the car. How fun would that be?
The moments in time in which you are having a wonderful time with your partner... that's what I suggest you pursue. Not an end goal of having a family.
BTW, if "someone that you enjoy spending your time with" was not a trait that you felt with your partner, you probably should have ended the relationship sooner. But if you did enjoy your time with your partner, then it was a worthwhile part of your journey to have embarked upon.
There was a point in my life where I too worried about never finding someone and getting married, and doing what everyone typically wants to do. Graduate, find a great career, find a husband, have kids, live in a big home, with nice cars, and two pets. Sounds pretty simple right? But it's not, and it's honestly not that serious. After a lot of self reflection, I realized how much pressure I was putting on myself and for what? Trying to live the same life everyone else wants to live. Left a mediocre taste in my mouth.
I realized there's a lot of things in life we cannot control. Whether or not we find a partner is one of them. We can't control who we fall for, we can't control how others feel about us, and we certainly can't determine when/if they'll leave us. People are not that great either. A lot of relationships are finite and are not meant to last a life time. They're also not as wonderful as most people make them out to be. They can be very dramatic and a lot of work. They can also be great, if two people are compatible. However, this should not be the end all be all of someone's life for the reasons I listed at the beginning of this paragraph.
It's just not worth stressing about. Upon realizing this, I was able to let go. I try to advise people to keep the above in mind, and try to enjoy a relationships while it lasts, if that's truly what you want. I think people get too hung up on the forever thing, and when it ends, they're crushed and see it as a failure. Relationships run their course just like a lot of things in life. Find your inner peace, your zen. So when you do end up by yourself again, it's not so soul crushing, and it may end up being something you learn to enjoy. There is SO much more to life.
Oh my, you are so old I don't know if there's any help for you. ;-)
Stop worrying about it. You will be fine. You have plenty of time yet.
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