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Old 06-23-2009, 03:57 PM
 
6 posts, read 35,935 times
Reputation: 29
The honest truth when it all comes down to it why so many people do not want to even give wheelchair users a chance is unfortunately sex. I have asked so many men why they would not want to date a woman in a wheelchair and the answer is always sex. It is very awkward for many to even think of wheelchair sex, and to ask that question that is on everyone's mind. The thing is is that many people think wheelchair sex is so bizarre and not normal. People tend to think this is just something normal people should not want, if they can be with an abled bodied. This to me, is hard for me to try to understand, since I would date a man in a wheelchair, and I would love to have wheelchair sex. It absolutely fascinates me. And even if the man was not able, I still would date him, and be with him for who he is, and not for what is in his pants. Society, as a whole cannot fatham that there are single women out there who would rather date a man in a wheelchair than an abled bodied man, for the fact that they know how to love a woman in a way that an abled bodied man cannot. From the heart and soul in all they have. When men or women comment on here that it's not cool and it's not normal, and it just is something that should not be wanted when you can have a normal person, it is not up to us to put them down for it, it is unfortunately how most people perceive this subject. There are so many people who understand that wheelchairs are just transportation that's all, but there are also those who cannot see past the wheelchair, and that is their problem, nobody else's. It just boosts their ego's when we respond to those who are so opposed to wheelchair dating, wheelchair sex when we respond in the way that they are not supposed to think that way or it's not cool to say certain things. When we respond negatively to negative responses, it just makes them believe even more that they are right and it makes them feel stronger. No response to these type of people is better than responding for the simple fact is that it is not up to us as an individual to judge their opinions on this matter, just accept the fact that there are so many who do understand and who know the true meaning of this subject.
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Old 06-23-2009, 04:14 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
1,667 posts, read 1,970,327 times
Reputation: 945
Quote:
Originally Posted by onrycowboy67 View Post
I was in a truck wreck 22 yrs ago and have been paralyzed from the chest down since. Is being in a wheelchair that big of an issue with women? About 75% of the women I meet online stop talking when they find out I'm in a wheelchair. Seems like it's always the ones I really interested in too.

Being in a wheelchair hasnt slowed me down any. I have a college degree, job, pay taxes, own a small ranch. I'm new to this forum and thought it would be a good place to get women's thoughts on this.
I think a quality person wouldn't consider it to even be a factor
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Old 06-23-2009, 04:37 PM
Status: "Desperately searching for the grading fairy...." (set 3 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,913 posts, read 16,200,006 times
Reputation: 11478
Quote:
Originally Posted by onrycowboy67 View Post
I was in a truck wreck 22 yrs ago and have been paralyzed from the chest down since. Is being in a wheelchair that big of an issue with women? About 75% of the women I meet online stop talking when they find out I'm in a wheelchair. Seems like it's always the ones I really interested in too.

Being in a wheelchair hasnt slowed me down any. I have a college degree, job, pay taxes, own a small ranch. I'm new to this forum and thought it would be a good place to get women's thoughts on this.
I think many will assume that all body parts south of the chest don't work. Yeah, that would have been an issue when I was younger. I could handle a sexless relationship now but back then I could not.
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Old 06-23-2009, 10:26 PM
 
420 posts, read 71,968 times
Reputation: 153
Quote:
Originally Posted by onrycowboy67 View Post
I was in a truck wreck 22 yrs ago and have been paralyzed from the chest down since. Is being in a wheelchair that big of an issue with women? About 75% of the women I meet online stop talking when they find out I'm in a wheelchair. Seems like it's always the ones I really interested in too.

Being in a wheelchair hasnt slowed me down any. I have a college degree, job, pay taxes, own a small ranch. I'm new to this forum and thought it would be a good place to get women's thoughts on this.
Its the womans problem if she cant handle you in the way that you are. They are in the mindet of the fact that they only live one life and they want to live it how they want to. I'm disabled and I always wonder how the woman who have turned me down go through life and forget about the ones who get nothing because of their affliction.
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Old 06-23-2009, 10:58 PM
 
Location: The Jar
9,590 posts, read 5,162,796 times
Reputation: 17945
Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator View Post
Of *course* ideal relationships are based upon important personality characteristics, values, goals, integrity, etc., etc. These things can be found in a person regardless of whether their legs work or not. So that means that true love is blind to such things and itís only about inner beauty that counts, right? ďI fell in love with the mind,Ē as one person noted.

Those are kind and lovely thoughts, but letís get real. In fact, people reasonably consider other things in relationships, too. Physical attractiveness, as we all know, is usually pretty high on many folks list. And let's also recognize the obvious: fair or unfair, people in wheelchairs donít generally top the list of World Sexiest Men (or Women). Furthermore, a relationship with someone with a major physical disability will involve an extraordinary amount of extra work--a quick trip to the supermarket, a night out dancing at the honky-tonk, a flight to Florida--many things become much more difficult. And some things are, of course, physically impossible. This all means that many reasonable women will simply not be willing to date a man in a wheelchair.

Does this mean Onrycowboy67should just give up looking? Of course not. But surely he must recognize that it will take an uncommon person to be in a relationship with a person with a significant disability. And this means finding the right person will probably take quite some time.

It means, too, that you have to be honest and up front about who you are. Onrycowboy67 must put all cards on the table before he meets a woman he has initiated contact with online--he must tell her of his disability. Such information need not be proffered at the first moment of contact (i.e. "Hi! Iím Larry. I use a wheelchair.Ē) but neither should it be withheld until the day before a meeting (i.e. "I'll see you at 5 o'clock. I'll be wearing a navy blazer and, oh yeah, I'll be sitting in a wheel chair") And certainly he must not hide his disability before a face-to-face meeting; such a move would rightly and invariably be perceived as duplicitous. I presume, too, that he realizes that one of the first things on the mind of a woman who learns of his disability will be the extent to which his disability may have impacted sexual performance. One must be upfront about this as well.


Exactly.
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Old 06-23-2009, 10:58 PM
 
2,778 posts, read 5,354,270 times
Reputation: 2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by onrycowboy67 View Post
I was in a truck wreck 22 yrs ago and have been paralyzed from the chest down since. Is being in a wheelchair that big of an issue with women? About 75% of the women I meet online stop talking when they find out I'm in a wheelchair. Seems like it's always the ones I really interested in too.

Being in a wheelchair hasnt slowed me down any. I have a college degree, job, pay taxes, own a small ranch. I'm new to this forum and thought it would be a good place to get women's thoughts on this.
I'd still date you.

I've dated only two guys in wheelchairs before. One was more functional than the other. And yeah, the sexual part of the relationship was a bit of an issue-- it just takes a bit more work, but Coldwine has dedicated her life to helping people

But as far as pushing either of them around or taking them places with me went, I didn't mind at all. I mean, it's obviously more difficult but you get used to it. I think the challenge had more to do with keeping them upbeat, because they were more uptight about it than I was.
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Old 06-24-2009, 06:36 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,079 posts, read 8,604,723 times
Reputation: 3616
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Freddy View Post
Maybe I'm just insensitive and not seeing the wider view of things, but why would any woman choose to date a guy in a wheel chair when she could have many more choices among guys who weren't?
Well, in my opinion I would say a woman would fall for a man in a wheelchair because he doesn't lack sensitivity, empathy and the ability to sympathize with others. I would think that in this mans case, he obviously has not let his "disability" be an issue for him and he still loves life in spite of his "limitations". I've never been faced with falling for a guy in a wheelchair but one issue for me might be the intimacy - if there can still be the intimacy then the wheelchair would just be an afterthought.

A lot of folks take life and their abilities for granted and for me, meeting someone that isn't like that at all would be a plus. I'm engaged now but he definitely lacks the ability to empathize and that's probably one of my biggest issues - but for me, just havign someone in my life that still appreciates life - you know, someone who still enjoys the sunrise, the smell of the flowers, etc...

I would think that someone who has gone through what this guy has who have an unparelled love and appreciation for life and for me, that would be enough. But, I do agree that he should be honest up front because just reading his profile on here leads me to believe he still rides horses, etc.. and not that you can't but I don't see any mention of being in a wheelchair.
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Old 06-24-2009, 07:19 AM
 
Location: OKC
551 posts, read 1,245,412 times
Reputation: 405
I found some of these posts funny to read. I also found others enlightening. I have been in a wheelchair for a few years now, and I have never read an online discussion about people in wheelchairs--in a place where people can be brutally honest. From my prospectiveónot in a wheelchair most of my life then suddenly in oneóI am able to understand what was meant by the posters who can walk. Some I still find funny. Wheelchair sex? That sounds exciting! What is it?

Now I do have to admit that Iím probably not like most people in a wheelchair. Iím not paralyzed. I can still somewhat walk. Iím a 100% disabled vet who came back from the Middle East with neurological problems. Why Iím in a wheelchair is a very complicated question. Anyway, since I have been in a wheelchair I have had only one negative encounter with a woman that I just feel the need to share. Now I have to say upfront that I am married, and I am sure if I were single Iíd have many more negative encounters! I donít know. I can only speculate.

My negative encounter, which I will keep brief, happened with one of my classmates when I was going to school at Oklahoma University (plugógo Sooners!!!). This lady was very attractive. She came up to me after class one day and said something like, ďYouíre cute. If you werenít in a wheelchair I would love to date you.Ē

I was quickly taken aback. Things came into perspective really quick. Just as quick I was like who cares. I looked UP at her and said, ďYou know what. Iím married, [I donít wear a ring] but I wouldnít want to date you if I was single because you are not my type.Ē I then went home.

Long story short, her and I are now great friends. So much of friends that I had to introduce her to my wife so I didnít get into trouble. She was fascinated by the fact that I am always upbeat no matter whatís happening. She couldnít, and still probably canít, understand why I am not depressed and miserable. I guess I have experienced enough in life to know whatís petty and not worth devoting any time towards.

That said, I really think a big part of life and how someone is treated is their attitude. Maybe Iím an exception to the rule, but it seems to me that being positive and treating other people as human beings has always been rewarding. If someone doesnít want to get to know me because I need to use a wheel chair then thatís their problem. It doesnít affect me in the least. And this should obviously apply to everyoneónot just the disabled.
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Old 06-24-2009, 07:27 AM
 
29,756 posts, read 18,081,803 times
Reputation: 14580
Quote:
Originally Posted by onrycowboy67 View Post
I was in a truck wreck 22 yrs ago and have been paralyzed from the chest down since. Is being in a wheelchair that big of an issue with women? About 75% of the women I meet online stop talking when they find out I'm in a wheelchair. Seems like it's always the ones I really interested in too.

Being in a wheelchair hasnt slowed me down any. I have a college degree, job, pay taxes, own a small ranch. I'm new to this forum and thought it would be a good place to get women's thoughts on this.
Rent the movie\documentary "Murderball" or read up on it.
Murderball (2005)

A whole bunch of guys in a similar situation and they have gf's, get married etc. just like other guys. It's also a pretty dang good documentary.

You MIGHT actually be better off getting the advice of people from a quad\para forum that have more unique insights on the topic.

Rest assured, there IS a right woman out there for you.
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Old 06-24-2009, 07:43 AM
 
Location: OKC
551 posts, read 1,245,412 times
Reputation: 405
Wow...I wish people would read all the posts. Nothing against anyone--I'm not trying to pick a fight. But a few pages ago he posted that he found someone.
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