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Unread 04-09-2008, 04:04 PM
 
6 posts, read 21,442 times
Reputation: 51
Default I'm in a wheelchair .... so?

I was in a truck wreck 22 yrs ago and have been paralyzed from the chest down since. Is being in a wheelchair that big of an issue with women? About 75% of the women I meet online stop talking when they find out I'm in a wheelchair. Seems like it's always the ones I really interested in too.

Being in a wheelchair hasnt slowed me down any. I have a college degree, job, pay taxes, own a small ranch. I'm new to this forum and thought it would be a good place to get women's thoughts on this.
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Unread 04-09-2008, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Capitan, NM
7,058 posts, read 10,822,692 times
Reputation: 3295
I guess maybe depending on the age of the women? I don't know.
I'm 49 and I would not have a problem with it. Reason being is that it's not your fault you had a wreck and ended up in a wheelchair.
The reason I mentioned age is because when one is younger, we are invinceable. As we get older, we think differently. (hopefully)
We never know what's going to happen to us in life. I asked my s/o one time if he would still be with me if I got some bad disease or was in a bad car accident and paralyzed. He said he would and I feel the same way.
I know an older couple. The man went into the hospital for a simple operation, had a shot in his back to numb the spine (can't remember what the shot is called) and ended up paralyzed from the waist down. It screwed up some plans they had made as far as travelling was concerned but they have adjusted.
I did at one time go out with a guy in a wheelchair and he whined too much so that was a turnoff but you don't seem to be that type of guy.
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Unread 04-09-2008, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Lake Forest, CA
268 posts, read 463,219 times
Reputation: 175
First off, as I'm sure you already know, people tend to REALLY fall in love with someone they already know a lot about and have spent time with. I'm not ruling out meeting people on the internet, but I think you should start dating outside the net. People are evidently "picky" and shallow about who they date when they have MILLIONS to choose from online... All it takes is one click to make you go away. I'm sure everyone's done it... You know, get on myspace, look at people's pictures... Too ugly, NEXT... Not pretty enough, NEXT... They can "next" all they want because they know there's a million more to look through.

If your being in a wheelchair is a deterrent for women online, I guarantee that's the reason why. Because they don't really know you. I personally have dated someone I met online, but only because we met in a forum where he stated he had just moved here 2 weeks prior and had no friends. He seemed cool so we hung out for a while then started dating.

In "real life" (as opposed to online) people are less shallow and see you for who you really are. There's no button to click to make you go away. There's time to REALLY get to know you, and see who you really are. And since they know you personally, they already know you're in a wheelchair. Therefore there's no surprises.

I just think you're looking in the wrong places. Stop looking online! This place is for information, not dates.
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Unread 04-09-2008, 06:42 PM
 
9,926 posts, read 8,052,488 times
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Well I'm not sure where you're talking/meeting women online but if it's a dating site it seems to me that people come to those sites with a list of "deal breakers" (hate that word but anyway, I digress) and requirements up front. It's an unfortunate fact of life that many people cannot cope with difference or things they don't understand.

You being in a wheelchair is not something that would bother me in terms of us being friends or getting to know each other but I can see why it would be a problem for a lot of people if they're working from a checklist. It's not right but it is the way things are I suspect.

Working on the idea that there's someone for everyone I'd say just be yourself, keep looking and she'll turn up when you least expect it.
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Unread 04-09-2008, 08:42 PM
 
Location: VA
548 posts, read 1,106,107 times
Reputation: 318
Quote:
Originally Posted by onrycowboy67 View Post
Is being in a wheelchair that big of an issue with women?
I'm happy that you're doing well in spite of what's happened to you. Though, you really think you being in a wheelchair wouldn't be a deal breaker for some girls? I mean, some girls have height requirements.

If you're trying to date some girls online, why not be upfront about being in a wheelchair? That way you're not wasting your time.
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Unread 04-09-2008, 09:31 PM
 
Location: northeast US
739 posts, read 947,091 times
Reputation: 446
Onrycowboy, I'm in a wheelchair too. I'm married now, but I still flirt a lot and, to be honest, I never had much trouble meeting women when I was single.

If I can give you some advice as a brother...pay attention to your grooming, dress well, get great haircuts and wear nice shoes and boots even though you can't walk. You'll present better but it's also good for your self esteem and self confidence to go out in the world looking fantastic.

Smile. So many disabled people isolate themselves with their own body language. Smile and make eye contact. An easy gracious smile that finds life amusing and gentle eye contact that shows people you're okay and you're engaged with the world. Find some online articles about flirting and put it to practice everywhere you go.

Keep your wheelchair looking good. Don't be ashamed of it, or minimize it, make it work for you. I'm using a Quickie GPV lightweight sports chair, bright yellow...VERY bright yellow. It says mountain bike more than it says medical equipment. Look over your chair and see would it benefit with some cosmetic updating, new tires, or take it to a bicycle shop for a fresh coat of paint.

When I go to the grocery store, and want a little friendly conversation, I just look at what's on the top shelf. Never fails, within a minute there's a really great looking lady asking do I need help reaching something. After that, it's up to me to be real. There are plenty of people who will want to engage with you if you meet them half way and you'll meet that right one. If you're doing all this anyway, just hang in there and your lady will show up.
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Unread 04-10-2008, 09:17 AM
 
Location: Beautiful New England
2,413 posts, read 4,194,115 times
Reputation: 2907
Quote:
Originally Posted by onrycowboy67 View Post
I was in a truck wreck 22 yrs ago and have been paralyzed from the chest down since. Is being in a wheelchair that big of an issue with women?
How many women in wheelchairs did you date before your accident?
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Unread 04-10-2008, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,853 posts, read 48,881,746 times
Reputation: 22645
Quote:
Originally Posted by professorsenator View Post
How many women in wheelchairs did you date before your accident?
That's a very good question. Out of reps for ya...
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Unread 04-10-2008, 09:44 AM
RH1
 
Location: Lincoln, UK
1,161 posts, read 2,586,031 times
Reputation: 541
Quote:
Originally Posted by onrycowboy67 View Post
I was in a truck wreck 22 yrs ago and have been paralyzed from the chest down since. Is being in a wheelchair that big of an issue with women? About 75% of the women I meet online stop talking when they find out I'm in a wheelchair. Seems like it's always the ones I really interested in too.

Being in a wheelchair hasnt slowed me down any. I have a college degree, job, pay taxes, own a small ranch. I'm new to this forum and thought it would be a good place to get women's thoughts on this.
They're probably just scared of the unknown - I wouldn't have a problem in principle but realistically I'd be thinking all sorts of "how"s and worrying about whether I'd offend you if I did X or Y - is this presumptuous, is that patronising... These days we're all just terrified of offending anyone and it can make you avoid certain situations, which must be immensely frustrating from your perspective.

In any case, it's great that wildfauve can give you some first hand advice, but I do think that when the right woman comes along she'll want to take time to find out more and not just look for an easier option instead.
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Unread 04-10-2008, 09:55 AM
 
Location: In the woods next to the ocean
3,791 posts, read 7,603,010 times
Reputation: 5411
Maybe I'm just insensitive and not seeing the wider view of things, but why would any woman choose to date a guy in a wheel chair when she could have many more choices among guys who weren't?
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