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Hi there, I'm totally at a loss about my long-distance partner's recent behavior. We're both in our late 30s, and we were planning to finally meet his parents and also move in together this year. We were to meet his parents this month, but then something happened all of a sudden 1 month ago.
I visited him as usual and on the next day after my return he didn't text me as usual. I texted him and he replied that he got sick. I tried to find out what happened, but he was very dry in his replies and asked not to ask too many questions. I said I won't ask, just wished him to take rest and get well. For the next few days I just wrote him some short messages asking how he's doing and again, he was very dry and cold in replying.
Then, one day I happened to talk to his sister, but didnt mention anything about him, just spoke about her kids and other stuff, but he found out and totally freaked out. He called me shouting why I talked to his sister and then hanged up and sent me a message saying he wants to stay alone from now on and asked me not to call him again. And blocked me!
I was so shocked with this blocking that I booked a flight straightaway and went to see him. He got even more furious and was shouting that I came only to spy on him and check if he's with another woman. After a while, he calmed down and told me that he's got bad time these days about his business. He apparently got a letter saying he's got some debts, and also there's tax investigation going on, and he needs to deal with all this somehow.
This sounded pretty logical to me, although I knew before about this tax problem and he never avoided talking about it, though it was stressful for him.
I returned home after this talk and I was hoping we could communicate as usual, since we cleared the situation. But he remained silent, and I ended up texting him once-twice a week for 2 weeks, but his replies still were just "Hi I'm still alive thanks"...
Until finally, when I asked him 2 weeks ago if he's being silent because he still needs to solve things, he messaged me a flow of statements which I could barely understand. It went like this: "I don't want to answer to anyone. I'm old enough, I don't want anyone to control me. I need my time, ok. I'm not supposed to answer to anyone. I want to stay alone myself I don't need any help or care. I'm old enough. I'm old enough. I'M OLD ENOUGH, OK. It's my life to live, I want to do anything I want. Everyone has to know this, I'm old enough to find my way. I don't want to hear anything from anyone". To which I could only reply "take your time"...
It's been 2 weeks since then and no news from him. I'm at a loss about what to do in this situation.
Is this a kind of "normal" reaction you can get from someone who's under much stress? Can it continue for so long (now it's 5 weeks)? Is it about stress or he's still mad at me for my talk to his sister and coming over to see him? He's never ever shouted at me before, though he's a bit quick-tempered person in general. Everything was fine until all this happened, we didn't have any fight, just him worried about his tax issue for the last few months...
Should I just keep waiting or try sending him some message even though he declared he doesn't want to hear from anyone?
I would really be grateful for any feedback, especially guys...!
No, it's not a "normal" reaction. Your boyfriend is sending you a message loud and clear - back off. You should stop trying to contact him because it clearly annoys him, and that only makes the situation worse. Whether or not there's another woman, it sounds like he has major issues that you can't fix. Let him go and stop wasting your time on someone who doesn't want to be with you.
Hi there, I'm totally at a loss about my long-distance partner's recent behavior. We're both in our late 30s, and we were planning to finally meet his parents and also move in together this year. We were to meet his parents this month, but then something happened all of a sudden 1 month ago.
I visited him as usual and on the next day after my return he didn't text me as usual. I texted him and he replied that he got sick. I tried to find out what happened, but he was very dry in his replies and asked not to ask too many questions. I said I won't ask, just wished him to take rest and get well. For the next few days I just wrote him some short messages asking how he's doing and again, he was very dry and cold in replying.
Then, one day I happened to talk to his sister, but didnt mention anything about him, just spoke about her kids and other stuff, but he found out and totally freaked out. He called me shouting why I talked to his sister and then hanged up and sent me a message saying he wants to stay alone from now on and asked me not to call him again. And blocked me!
I was so shocked with this blocking that I booked a flight straightaway and went to see him. He got even more furious and was shouting that I came only to spy on him and check if he's with another woman. After a while, he calmed down and told me that he's got bad time these days about his business. He apparently got a letter saying he's got some debts, and also there's tax investigation going on, and he needs to deal with all this somehow.
This sounded pretty logical to me, although I knew before about this tax problem and he never avoided talking about it, though it was stressful for him.
I returned home after this talk and I was hoping we could communicate as usual, since we cleared the situation. But he remained silent, and I ended up texting him once-twice a week for 2 weeks, but his replies still were just "Hi I'm still alive thanks"...
Until finally, when I asked him 2 weeks ago if he's being silent because he still needs to solve things, he messaged me a flow of statements which I could barely understand. It went like this: "I don't want to answer to anyone. I'm old enough, I don't want anyone to control me. I need my time, ok. I'm not supposed to answer to anyone. I want to stay alone myself I don't need any help or care. I'm old enough. I'm old enough. I'M OLD ENOUGH, OK. It's my life to live, I want to do anything I want. Everyone has to know this, I'm old enough to find my way. I don't want to hear anything from anyone". To which I could only reply "take your time"...
It's been 2 weeks since then and no news from him. I'm at a loss about what to do in this situation.
Is this a kind of "normal" reaction you can get from someone who's under much stress? Can it continue for so long (now it's 5 weeks)? Is it about stress or he's still mad at me for my talk to his sister and coming over to see him? He's never ever shouted at me before, though he's a bit quick-tempered person in general. Everything was fine until all this happened, we didn't have any fight, just him worried about his tax issue for the last few months...
Should I just keep waiting or try sending him some message even though he declared he doesn't want to hear from anyone?
I would really be grateful for any feedback, especially guys...!
You’re missing the big picture... he doesn’t want you or anyone anymore and you need to forget him.
He sounds like a coward who got cold feet when planning a future with you and doesn’t have the male parts to just come right out and say I’m ending this relatiionship with you.
You say he messaged you a string of comments you could barley understand.
What part of the above words of his don't you understand?
How can a guy on the internet help you understand those words better?
Time to move on.
I fail to understand how this all relates to me. I never doubted his maturity in dealing with things, but here he just keeps repeating "he's old enough", as if arguing with someone about something. And he mentioned "control", which again I don't understand where I'm trying to control him here...
You’re missing the big picture... he doesn’t want you or anyone anymore and you need to forget him.
He sounds like a coward who got cold feet when planning a future with you and doesn’t have the male parts to just come right out and say I’m ending this relatiionship with you.
Just move on. His guy sounds like a child.
This's exactly what is such a shock to me and I guess I can't come to terms with that.. A man in his late 30s who tells about how much he loves me, who is planning future and asking me to book tickets so that we can go and visit his parents in Feb, and also telling his parents about us coming - then all of a sudden he stops talking and in his last message just keeping repeating he's not a child, he needs time and he doesn't want to hear anything... I could understand it if we kept fighting and getting along bad, then he could pull away. But to do it out of nothing, one day I'm "sweetheart" and "darling" and the next day I'm already nobody...
I was thinking he's stressed about his business problems (tax investigation, debts etc). I can understand someone who's under much stress might be quick to lose his temper. But how long can he stay silent like this?? This is what seems not normal for me here. Or am I wrong? Can silence last for 5 weeks or more...??
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