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My ex and I were going to pursue careers. She in law, and me in finance.
She worked while I went to school, and then I put her through law school.
My career, fortunately flew, while hers floundered and she dropped out. In part she became intoxicated with the money I brought home which meant she didn't "have" to work.
So much for "agreeing on careers" In my case we had a career plan and she bailed. It would have been better if she had been honest up front and say she didn't want a career.
Sounds like you might be involved with a gold digger, OP. It turned out that I was.
Not a life outlook I would choose. I certainly don't agree with your definition of society nor how it seems to be able to act as if by one mind. I DEFINITELY would not choose your version of marriage. Lord knows, I don't deserve to be treated like royalty simply for being born female! I am glad your fiance agrees with you. As long as you are compatible, that is all that matters.
Darn right & thanks! Now I know it's getting off the career topic, but my fiance's told me before that even if ONLY ONE of us can have any kind of vacation on our jobs, he'd rather it be me because he loves me & wants me to relax!
Now I never demanded these things whatsoever, but here are the things he does for me solely because he WANTS to & we've been together a long time:
- still opens my doors even though we've been together a long time. He'll even open my car door if I'm the one sitting in the driver's seat...yes he does.
- pumps my gas even if I'm driving my car...gasp what a concept! Yes, he does.
- will hold my purse so my hands can be free when we're out in public quite often. He's not afraid of looking like a "sissy" or something. It's obvious it's MY purse. A lot of men wouldn't be caught dead holding their lady's purse!
- he doesn't even like walking in front of me. If we're in a public place walking around & there's only room for a single person to go through & not side by side, he'll let me go.
Now does that mean a woman's a prima donna or something because a man does the above? Of course not. I would hope he'd want to because he loves his woman & wants to...simple as that. I've done things for him too for sure.
Also, a lot of men put on the "special treatment" at the beginning of a relationship, then they stop doing it, but never MY SO.
Darn right & thanks! Now I know it's getting off the career topic, but my fiance's told me before that even if ONLY ONE of us can have any kind of vacation on our jobs, he'd rather it be me because he loves me & wants me to relax!
Now I never demanded these things whatsoever, but here are the things he does for me solely because he WANTS to & we've been together a long time:
- still opens my doors even though we've been together a long time. He'll even open my car door if I'm the one sitting in the driver's seat...yes he does.
- pumps my gas even if I'm driving my car...gasp what a concept! Yes, he does.
- will hold my purse so my hands can be free when we're out in public quite often. He's not afraid of looking like a "sissy" or something. It's obvious it's MY purse. A lot of men wouldn't be caught dead holding their lady's purse!
- he doesn't even like walking in front of me. If we're in a public place walking around & there's only room for a single person to go through & not side by side, he'll let me go.
Now does that mean a woman's a prima donna or something because a man does the above? Of course not. I would hope he'd want to because he loves his woman & wants to...simple as that. I've done things for him too for sure.
Also, a lot of men put on the "special treatment" at the beginning of a relationship, then they stop doing it, but never MY SO.
I am glad you got your version of special treatment. But I do hope you recognize that that is not something that is universally sought.
I wasn't sure how to answer your poll. I voted "woman no" as in I am a woman saying no, it's not a dealbreaker. I like women too so it goes for guys or girls for me.
BUT that may have been the wrong way to answer because it really depends on what you mean by "career". I don't need them to make a lot of money or have everything figured out. What I need is passion and drive. I need them to be working hard on something. It doesn't necessarily have to be something that earns them big bucks.
The passion and drive is what I care about, not the money. I'd take a person who was passionate about a dream that would never make them a penny over a person making 200K a year who had no passion.
EDIT: Wanted to add too that I would need them to keep afloat. Riches, no. But they'd need to at least earn enough to cover everything important and to not cause me any financial stress. Even if we don't share finances, I can't be with someone I'll always be worrying about. People who have issues keeping food on the table or keeping the electricity turned on, that I can't deal with in a relationship. We both need to have the basics covered so we can spend time together and enjoy life.
I think it is, but the way the Poll was worded had a lot of posters confused. Not an accurate poll IMO because of the confusion.
Yes! I think I voted opposite of how I meant to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
She is the person who is deciding whether to proceed deeper into this relationship. She is very much the right person to "judge".
It's always funny when people act like it's wrong to "judge" dates. That's literally what dating is. Judging whether someone could be a person you want to spend a significant amount of time with and possibly join forces in life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx
problem is, a career is the least crucial part of loving each other "if it's really love".
It's not about money, but career plays a big role in falling in love. It's part of who someone is. I'm going to feel differently about a firefighters who's risking his life to save people every single day than some guy who works late nights cashiering at a porn shop.
Not even saying I wouldn't consider the porn-shop dude. Just that someone having an amazing career that makes a difference in this world, and being passionate about that career, is VERY attractive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181
Passion doesn't pay the bills ...
Correct. I pay the bills.
I generally consider their finances their own business unless it begins to affect or annoy me somehow. For example, if they were constantly spending money they didn't have and complaining about being broke. It's not really a financial thing. I'm just majorly turned off by disempowered people who blame outside circumstances for their issues vs taking responsibility.
It was a deal breaker for me... My annual income was wayyyyyy more than his and that didn’t fly well with him. He could never “afford” to do anything and he was against my paying all the time, but it wasn’t a big deal to me because we weren’t going on outrageously expensive dates. It was really sad because I really really liked him.
It was a deal breaker for me... My annual income was wayyyyyy more than his and that didn’t fly well with him. He could never “afford” to do anything and he was against my paying all the time, but it wasn’t a big deal to me because we weren’t going on outrageously expensive dates. It was really sad because I really really liked him.
Wow, thats a shame. As a guy, I get it, but on the other hand it is refreshing for a woman to pay at least some of the time. No woman I've dated in the recent past has ever offered to pay for anything and I feel used at times.
My ex and I were going to pursue careers. She in law, and me in finance.
She worked while I went to school, and then I put her through law school.
My career, fortunately flew, while hers floundered and she dropped out. In part she became intoxicated with the money I brought home which meant she didn't "have" to work.
So much for "agreeing on careers" In my case we had a career plan and she bailed. It would have been better if she had been honest up front and say she didn't want a career.
Sounds like you might be involved with a gold digger, OP. It turned out that I was.
Yep. I find that very common where I live. I will not marry a woman who doesn't want to work and expects me to pay for everything.
You can be the stay at home dad, people think nothing of it when a woman does it so why not a man in these modern times.
My husband and I had this arrangement and it works out well for us. We do get people who sometimes make comments about it or ask me why I would stay with someone without a career but I either ignore them or politely tell them that being a SAHD is a career.
Society does put more pressure on men to be the breadwinner and have the career. People probably wouldn't have said a word if I had been the one to stay home with our daughter.
I have noticed though that I'm seeing more stay at home dads so hopefully we are breaking out of outdated societal expectations.
I never had expectations either way for a partner's career; if they had one fine and I was also fine if they did not. I am willing to do what I need to as far as being the sole breadwinner. This isn't the 1950's anymore, lol
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Now I know it's getting off the career topic, but my fiance's told me before that even if ONLY ONE of us can have any kind of vacation on our jobs, he'd rather it be me because he loves me & wants me to relax! 
