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You've written multiple times in this very thread about how his comments before left you "stunned" and "silent." Now all of a sudden, because you think you know what you want, you feel like you have to talk to him RIGHT NOW.
But what some of us are trying to tell you is that you need to lay low. Actions DO speak louder than words, and as long as you have convinced yourself that he is withdrawn because he was hurt by your reaction in bed the last time, you won't be open to other very realistic possibilities. His actions (or lack of actions) are speaking quite loudly right now.
He didn't sound too hurt in his flippant "butthead" text to you that time. So please just consider that this may not be the best time for you to reach out with all your feelings. I'm trying to spare you.
So what do I do? I tired meeting up with him and he was busy I don’t want to keep bothering him. I would love to just text him but everyone on here told me not to send a weird text about talking and feelings
If you're worrying about bothering him, your friendship is on unequal footing. Period. Would you let a girlfriend of yours dictate all of your get-togethers? I'm guessing not.
That being said, I wouldn't send him a text regarding this. If you know his general schedule, ask him next time you think that he might be free to either come over to your place (home field advantage is a real thing) and "hang" or meet up for a coffee, drink, or a meal. This is definitely a clothes on face-to-face conversation that you need to have.
He needs to stop treating you like a booty call when you're not in bed (or about to be) and a romantic interest when you are sharing said bed. That's unnecessarily confusing and not how a proper FWB relationship should be conducted in a healthy manner, in my opinion.
You've written multiple times in this very thread about how his comments before left you "stunned" and "silent." Now all of a sudden, because you think you know what you want, you feel like you have to talk to him RIGHT NOW.
But what some of us are trying to tell you is that you need to lay low. Actions DO speak louder than words, and as long as you have convinced yourself that he is withdrawn because he was hurt by your reaction in bed the last time, you won't be open to other very realistic possibilities. His actions (or lack of actions) are speaking quite loudly right now.
He didn't sound too hurt in his flippant "butthead" text to you that time. So please just consider that this may not be the best time for you to reach out with all your feelings. I'm trying to spare you.
You make a fair point. You’re right he didn’t seem too hurt with his playful butthead response. That’s how he is with me when he’s being endearing and cutesy sooo maybe you are sparing me. But I don’t want to do it for him. I need to do it for myself bc I’m not happy with this arrangement, I’m not happy going 9 days and more without seeing him. I do want to be his priority and if that’s not what he wants I want to know so where I can move on and find someone who does
If you're worrying about bothering him, your friendship is on unequal footing. Period. Would you let a girlfriend of yours dictate all of your get-togethers? I'm guessing not.
That being said, I wouldn't send him a text regarding this. If you know his general schedule, ask him next time he might be free to either come over to your place and "hang" or meet up for a coffee, drink, or a meal. This is definitely a clothes on face-to-face conversation that you need to have.
Ok thank you. Maybe next time I’ll ask him if we can grab a bite to eat or something. It is a clothes on conversation
If you're worrying about bothering him, your friendship is on unequal footing. Period. Would you let a girlfriend of yours dictate all of your get-togethers? I'm guessing not.
That being said, I wouldn't send him a text regarding this. If you know his general schedule, ask him next time you think that he might be free to either come over to your place (home field advantage is a real thing) and "hang" or meet up for a coffee, drink, or a meal. This is definitely a clothes on face-to-face conversation that you need to have.
He needs to stop treating you like a booty call when you're not in bed (or about to be) and a romantic interest when you are sharing said bed. That's unnecessarily confusing and not how a proper FWB relationship should be conducted in a healthy manner, in my opinion.
Yes! Exactly, that’s what is so confusing. Him treating me like like a booty call when I’m not in bed yet a romantic interest when I am. That’s why I’m so confused and why I froze and didn’t reveal my feelings
Yes! Exactly, that’s what is so confusing. Him treating me like like a booty call when I’m not in bed yet a romantic interest when I am. That’s why I’m so confused and why I froze and didn’t reveal my feelings
It is very confusing, and you’re right to put a stop to it.
It is very confusing, and you’re right to put a stop to it.
Thank you! Believe me all his actions some of which I didn’t go into with you guys have been one confusing thing after another. I feel like I’m getting whiplash
So I sure thought you had said he had prior experience with the whole FWB thing and was a commitment-phobe and that other women have come and gone in his life, I really had that impression, but then you said this...
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnMelody2018
You don’t know him. Believe me. It’s not about a “sure thing” when we were just friends I saw him go MONTHS without sex and girls would hit him up all the time. He’s not like that. And he told me this last year he only had slept with 2 women.
...and I'm like wwwhaat?
And all through reading this, because of my own experiences, I was thinking "God this all sounds so familiar. I want to ask her, 'Is he a Gemini, OP? Is his name David?'" And then you said this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnMelody2018
Ok I know you guys said no crazy texts but if he won’t meet up with me what choice do I have? I’m probably not going to send it but if we do see eachother in person this is how I want to start it. What do you guys thinks?
“I wanted to come over bc our last talk left me unsure if we’re on the same page. It was confusing & I froze. But Since it’s been 5 yrs & we still care about each other I think it’s worth finding out. No pressure, no games. Just acting as a team to figure out what is in both our best interests bc we know **** buddies never end well and that’s not how I view you. Your happiness matters to me David, even at the risk it may not include me”
And I was like "HE IS A DAVID OMG-WTF-ROFLMAO" and I feel like that is a thing now. Every man I've ever known who was named David was a confusing yet magnetic individual. Hard to pin down. Flaky, even. Never trust a David! lol
(No offense to any readers of that name...I am joking. Kinda.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnMelody2018
Yes! Exactly, that’s what is so confusing. Him treating me like like a booty call when I’m not in bed yet a romantic interest when I am. That’s why I’m so confused and why I froze and didn’t reveal my feelings
Yup. My fling guy (ahem...David...) was like that, too. In bed he would want me to stay the night every time, when I often had to leave and go home because I had work in the morning or other responsibilities. He said that one time, "I love you and you're mine now" and he was so affectionate, would sing to me, really made me feel very connected. But then if we were texting it was almost like he was mad at me for just wanting clarity on where we stood. I was "just his sex girl" and needed to get my needs fulfilled elsewhere and all this other blah blah. He was the king of mixed signals.
So I sure thought you had said he had prior experience with the whole FWB thing and was a commitment-phobe and that other women have come and gone in his life, I really had that impression, but then you said this...
...and I'm like wwwhaat?
And all through reading this, because of my own experiences, I was thinking "God this all sounds so familiar. I want to ask her, 'Is he a Gemini, OP? Is his name David?'" And then you said this:
And I was like "HE IS A DAVID OMG-WTF-ROFLMAO" and I feel like that is a thing now. Every man I've ever known who was named David was a confusing yet magnetic individual. Hard to pin down. Flaky, even. Never trust a David! lol
(No offense to any readers of that name...I am joking. Kinda.)
Yup. My fling guy (ahem...David...) was like that, too. In bed he would want me to stay the night every time, when I often had to leave and go home because I had work in the morning or other responsibilities. He said that one time, "I love you and you're mine now" and he was so affectionate, would sing to me, really made me feel very connected. But then if we were texting it was almost like he was mad at me for just wanting clarity on where we stood. I was "just his sex girl" and needed to get my needs fulfilled elsewhere and all this other blah blah. He was the king of mixed signals.
Such a David I swear.
Ok first, what I said about him being a commitment phobe i stand by but you can also be a commitment phobe And go long stretches of time without being with a girl. When I met him, he knew he wasn’t ready so he would keep a lot of girls at bay. Yes he did the FWB and casual sex a lot when he was younger a lot in his early and mid 20s then he had a girlfriend for 2 yrs. lived with her, didn’t love her like he thought they fought all the time, he said she was crazy and ****ed up but at the time he admitted he was a little crazy himself so he broke up with her and she got worse. She stalked him, showed up at his house with a knife threatening to kill herself if he didn’t take her back, she called all his friends and his family and threatened to commit suicide and pleaded with them and basically stalked them too. Police I think had to get involved. It was a nightmare. His friends after that so what he went through and were too scared to break up with their girlfriends at the time bc they got terrified watching what happened to him. That was I think now, 8 years ago and he hasn’t had a girlfriend since. He’s dated and obviously hooked up but no one serious. That’s also why I’ve been so hesitant of scaring him off bc I think after that, he’s very wary. And no I hate to burst your David epiphany but his name is not actually David, I used that name as a fill-in bc I don’t want to use his real name. Also, he’s a Virgo, not a Gemini.
Also, he never told me I was just his sex girl. Ever. If anything during the time I met him when he wasn’t ready for anything we both really liked eachother and he told me I was the only girl he sincerely respects and actually likes talking to. I would go out with him and his friends and he used to say in his drunken state I like you but you don’t want to date me, no one should I’m a mess” I would try to convince him otherwise but he wouldn’t believe it. We stayed very close but couldn’t resist eachother and would end up being together then we’d get very close and he’d once again push me away. It was a constant push pull. He’d take me to thanksgiving, invite me to concerts months away, tried to get my ex fired when he beat me, check up on me all the time to make sure I was ok and we would talk and hang out for hours endlessly. He used to say I’m different than any girl he’s ver been with and that he can’t help himself around me bc he “has a soft spot for me” he called me wife material countless times and said I was the girl you make your girlfriend. One time I told him I was taking a cooking class and he said “great so now you’re pretty, intelligent, funny, sweet as hell and you can cook?!” He seemed upset by that. I know I’m not just sex to him, I never was. BUT bc he pushed me away so much in the past, this time when he was saying all that stuff about how he’d be insulted if that’s all he was to me” I froze bc I got scared and thought about all those times I told him I liked him and he pushed me away bc he felt he wasn’t good enough for anyone. So that’s why this situation is so painful and confusing. And why after all these years I need the clarity NOW. The last time he pushed me away was in 2017. I left and didn’t talk to him for a year. He drunk texted me a few times but I didnt respond. Until one day he soberly asked how I was and we got back in touch and now he’s more affectionate, loving and forthcoming then ever BUT he’s still confusing and bc of our past I’m hesitant to let him know how I really feel.
Last edited by AutumnMelody2018; 03-04-2019 at 11:08 AM..
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