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Also to the person making fun of me because I said I was laughing at people who buy expensive food there, I was not technically laughing just using it figuratively, I buy coffee there. But the thing is I make all my own meals because I have extreme allergies but only started recently. Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-04-2019 at 12:14 PM..
Reason: Off-topic.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,046,861 times
Reputation: 2157
I would not approach the person in this situation either, but not because of shyness. It would be because of past bad experiences. Of the six people for whom I've had romantic feelings, three were in situations similar to this (well, only one was at work...but the one at work was someone who could avoid me if they wanted to, and they did want to avoid me after I told them how I felt, and they did avoid me, and I didn't bother them again). I did tell them my feelings. One just wanted to be platonic friends and the other two two didn't want me in their life at all. So, between that and the fact that it is rare for me to find someone I feel that way about (it typically is three or four years between one person and the next, at least)...I wouldn't approach people in this situation in the future.
There is also the metoo movement which might regard this as sexual harassment.
But that doesn't mean this will be OP's experience. They could approach the person and find the person is also interested in them romantically. I would say the first few times are worth a shot.
I would not approach the person in this situation either, but not because of shyness. It would be because of past bad experiences. Of the six people for whom I've had romantic feelings, three were in situations similar to this (well, only one was at work...but the one at work was someone who could avoid me if they wanted to, and they did want to avoid me after I told them how I felt, and they did avoid me, and I didn't bother them again). I did tell them my feelings. One just wanted to be platonic friends and the other two two didn't want me in their life at all. So, between that and the fact that it is rare for me to find someone I feel that way about (it typically is three or four years between one person and the next, at least)...I wouldn't approach people in this situation in the future.
There is also the metoo movement which might regard this as sexual harassment.
But that doesn't mean this will be OP's experience. They could approach the person and find the person is also interested in them romantically. I would say the first few times are worth a shot.
Flirting with a women is thought of now as sexual harassment in society? Lol I know what you mean though. Many people have talked about they find it tough to have relations with women in society now because they are scared.
Flirting with a women is thought of now as sexual harassment in society? Lol I know what you mean though. Many people have talked about they find it tough to have relations with women in society now because they are scared.
There was an article out now among college-aged students, a survey or stats was run where some college-aged women considered either a non-sexual compliment or even being asked out as a form a sexual harassment.
There was an article out now among college-aged students, a survey or stats was run where some college-aged women considered either a non-sexual compliment or even being asked out as a form a sexual harassment.
You are absolutely right though. People like you, the OP and neutrino should definitely not approach women you do not know.
Guys, if you really think that women now scream "sexual harassment" at men just for daring to innocently interact with us, you are utterly, totally socially clueless and I'm so sorry for you. Whether you're on the spectrum, or have the mentality and demeanor of your typical internet troll, I don't know what it is, but you really just are not getting it.
Women, except for the rare crazy person (there are male and female crazy persons in the world, who might do anything at any time) in general, we do not mind a guy making any ONE pleasant comment or asking us on a date or something. The issue is that you don't do that, do you? It's not ever just the one comment. It's this whole playbook of pursuit, to try and get what you want. If you haven't got the "yes" then you figure you just haven't tried hard enough yet. That's the issue. Ya'll don't take the no and stop trying. We hate that.
Some of us understand that our society has sorta trained you guys to act like this. It's in so many of the shows and movies I grew up with, I get it. All this "me too" stuff wasn't intended to spitefully wreck your reputations, it was to attempt to clearly tell you guys to cut it out. You're just choosing not to hear it. That's your problem. I say this, because when "me too" first broke, all the ladies on my social media who used the hashtag, and there were MANY, they weren't suddenly after any particular guy or guys, they were just trying to let people, and especially the men in their lives, know that yeah it really is THAT common. If this isn't you...then you are not the intended audience. If you don't do this, then you should not feel attacked. Maybe relax and understand that not everything is about you all the time.
It never stops being annoying that some guys have really decided not to get it. Mod cut.
Anyhow, I was going to give the OP a lot of similar advice about maybe using a card or asking her out, but to definitely definitely take no for an answer...and OP, if you give her a card or something and she never calls you, THAT IS A NO. It doesn't mean, "Maybe she forgot to use the card or she lost it and I should go give her another one!" There is no try again. You try ONE time. Once. And that is it. And if she does not respond affirmatively, you shrug, smile, and move the hell on.
And then... Like I raised an eyebrow at the "schizoid disorder" thing but along with the "I'm a human" bit I figured, OK he's just being cute and quirky like the kids do these days. Mod cut: (orphaned). Alright, amigo, you need to leave this woman alone. Go talk to someone. Figure out what your brain issue is and make sure you've got it under control. Do this before you seek female companionship.
Because honestly right now, the danger isn't her saying no, the danger is what happens if she says yes and gets involved in your wacky reality, if that one post is any indication, it sounds like you might be prone to some pretty wild episodes.
I am saying this not only because it is irresponsible and wrong to subject another human to various kinds of hazard posed by untreated mental issues and...drug habits?...but also because if YOU are of fragile mental health, dealing with the ups and downs of an active love life might actually be DANGEROUS TO YOU. Please if you are not receiving therapy, get to work on that. Do this for you, and for anyone you might come to love one day.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-04-2019 at 12:24 PM..
Reason: Personal attack; orphaned comments.
I've just cleaned up this thread and it will remain closed. Inappropriate posts have been deleted or edited. OP, you have received enough advice here to make a decision as to whether you should ask the lady out.
.
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