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short term: budget expenses. All of them. including the frivolous spending.
Long term: get to the heart of why this became an issue and form a longer term solution.
She’s presumably able to understand what overspending is and the repercussions of it, so there are zero legitimate excuses to ignore the money issues. She either wants to address whatever her problems are or she wants to continue running things as they currently are.
Same goes for you.
It’s hard to believe that things got so out of control overnight, this type of issues is usually the result of a cumulative series of events that have gone unchecked for so long that they have become behavior.
I simply have 50% of my paycheck go to an account that only she uses. It's direct deposit. She burns through that 2K within a week typically and then it's down to 0 and/or overdraft fees for a week. Most of those purchases are non-essential items (e.g. not bills, groceries).
The other 50% of the money plus any side work money goes to an account I use to pay mortgage, bills, etc.
That being said, agree we don't act like life partners. I do feel as if (rightly or wrongly) that I'm keeping the boat afloat alone. I think your advice for help is a good one.
So...you're saying, for the last 3 years, you have been depositing $125,000 YEARLY, into an account that is basically her play money.
This is what happens when one person controls the money and doles it out like a parent.
You’re treating her like your dependent, not your life partner. You need a reboot, preferably with professional help to understand how you view the roles in your marriage.
I wish my parent gave me 2k a week to spend.....
My guess is she either has a spending addiction or she's just materialistic and bored. Does she hide the purchases from you? Does she seem to be rubbing it in your face or is she smuggling in packages while you aren't looking? I think a counselor would be a good place to start because you can't really change a behavior until you know why it's happening.
My guess is she either has a spending addiction or she's just materialistic and bored. Does she hide the purchases from you? Does she seem to be rubbing it in your face or is she smuggling in packages while you aren't looking? I think a counselor would be a good place to start because you can't really change a behavior until you know why it's happening.
Heck, I'm wondering if they even live in the same house together.
I'll tell you the first thing you should do is open up a separate checking account that she has no access to. Then, transfer into the joint account her "allowance", whatever YOU determine it should be. Take control! And of course, cancel the credit cards. That's a more time consuming thing that will turn into an argument for sure. You have to do it though.
I'll tell you the first thing you should do is open up a separate checking account that she has no access to. Then, transfer into the joint account her "allowance", whatever YOU determine it should be. Take control! And of course, cancel the credit cards. That's a more time consuming thing that will turn into an argument for sure. You have to do it though.
This is EXACTLY what he HAS been doing. Somehow, he came to the decision that $2000 was the right allowance. This is so weird...he's the one completely in control. But the only remedy he can think of is to legally separate from his wife.
The facts as he has presented them so far, are really bizarre.
Need advice:
Three years ago, I put extra effort into getting our family "over the financial hump" so we could get out of debt, get ahead, and buy a bigger (not extravagant) home. I delivered (in my mind) by making $250K+ each of the past few years. Once I started making more money, my wife started spending more - a lot more - to the rate of $5-6K per month. Since I pay for all major bills (e.g mortgage, cars, etc.) most of her expenses are on clothing, food, and nice to have (not required items). It got to the point where I would deposit $2K in a checking account for her and within 3-4 days, the money would be gone. In November of last year, we paid $800 in overdraft fees because she was burning through the cash so quickly.
This is heartbreaking to me. I'm up at night trying to figure out how to keep up and in reality, we should be enjoying life, not stressing over money. When typical families are struggling to get by just to get their bills paid on 80K a year, we have no excuse for this. I talked to her about it, she was embarrassed but didn't have a response.
I don't understand what is at the root of this issue, but I do believe some of it has to do with a lack of respect. If she respected me, she would respect the time and effort it takes for me to make this money. She tosses it into the wind.
I'm thinking of what my backup plan is - because if I do nothing, we will end up old and broke - a burden on our children.
I'm going to sit her down again and give her a strict budget. If she cannot adhere to it, then I need a backup plan. I cannot go another year like this.
I'm thinking of a legal separation, where she cannot access my funds. I don't want a divorce, I promised to care for her, but I also don't want her to damage our family. I need to stop her from doing this. Until I get legal protection from her - I feel as if she will continue to throw our money away.
Anyone face this type of situation? What did you do?
Define nice to have items. I don't see how anyone could spend that much money on food and clothes..
This is EXACTLY what he HAS been doing. Somehow, he came to the decision that $2000 was the right allowance. This is so weird...he's the one completely in control. But the only remedy he can think of is to legally separate from his wife.
The facts as he has presented them so far, are really bizarre.
That is bizarre. I don't know how old his kids are, but the wife should work at least part time and use that as her spending money. Its ridiculous.
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