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One thing I've noticed is that in OLD, women that would not be regarded as "catches" in real life often get showered in attention and praise. This makes that otherwise not-that-attractive woman very picky, a lot pickier than she'd probably be with OLD didn't exist.
Yeah, I can see that notion mentioned in lots of other similar threads, so there should be something to that...
I think, I will completely abandon the OLD efforts and instead focus on casting as wide a net as possible, in real life.
That means :
- speed dating gatherings
- meet-up groups
- I will start attending local dog hiking groups
- random flirting when doing errands - which is,after all, how I ended up with all dates.
Onlines a whole nother silly world in my short experience with it.
Works for some but most including women just seem to go round and round and be on them years.
But anyway if you do so well in RL, why even bother.
Generally OLD can be difficult for most men that aren’t explicitly attractive or interesting. And even if you are, you might not be selling it correctly with the right pictures or bio.
I assume you’re interested in the attractive women on whatever site your using. Well, so is every thirsty dweeb and every hot guy on the site, and they’re all hitting up the same small pool of attractive women. Can be difficult to stand out. Don’t get discouraged, it’s a numbers game in OLD. And figure out what’s working in your profile and what isn’t.
Start with the photos. The first photo better not be shirtless and if you have a shirtless photo make sure it’s a natural candid or like a group of people at the beach. A posed shirtless is a hard next for most women unless you have an Adonis body. Photos with interesting backgrounds are a huge plus, preferably taken with a very good camera or edited to look like a good camera. Learn the rule of thirds and some basic photo skills and apply them. My old profile had mainly picture of me from my travels through Europe. Women eat that **** up.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut
How else are going to get to know someone if you don’t engage them?
Yeah but I'm saying, I would want to engage from a platonic perspective first, not in a romantic context. I don't understand the concept of "I have no romantic feelings for you, but let's spend time for romantic purposes". To me that's backwards.
Not that my way has ever worked. I'm just explaining why dating makes no sense to me. Like I said, a catch-22...I don't want to do it their way and they don't want to do it mine, so basically I will meet people in platonic circumstances and develop feelings...but they won't want someone who met them in a platonic context to have feelings for them. At least, not me.
Yeah but I'm saying, I would want to engage from a platonic perspective first, not in a romantic context. I don't understand the concept of "I have no romantic feelings for you, but let's spend time for romantic purposes". To me that's backwards.
Not that my way has ever worked. I'm just explaining why dating makes no sense to me. Like I said, a catch-22...I don't want to do it their way and they don't want to do it mine, so basically I will meet people in platonic circumstances and develop feelings...but they won't want someone who met them in a platonic context to have feelings for them. At least, not me.
Right, like the last woman I met said she felt no "spark" when she met me, but made off like she was into me and agreed to a 2nd date. She got cold feet later and backed out of a confirmed time/date/place date.
But. she said she still wanted to be "friends". At that point, I said not beyond just chatting online on occasion. I didn't want to hang out with her as a buddy, main reason I didn't want to travel an hour to see her and not be able to be intimate with her. Would be just a waste of my time.
She wasn't about spending time together to see if feelings could develop. Her decision was immediate. I had asked her if she would give it another chance to see if feelings would develop as she really liked me as a person, but no soap. She doesn't operate that way.
Oh, it did come up, of course. More than that. And I didn't say there were no kids ever.
Problem is, our kid tragically died four years ago. That tends to throw a burning torch into your life.
So, yeah, sorry that you find it hard to believe it took me four years to pull my sh*t together to work on divorce after he tragically died. Let me guess, you're an American, so you don't understand what a grief of such magnitude is, right? That's ok, met lots and lots like you.
And like I said, I am from Europe, we got married in Europe, so I can't get divorced in U.S. even though I live there.
For someone who states he is not american your writing here on C-D is very american...
the lingo...expressions....the whole nine yards...you did not grow up in America?
Anyway, I’m impressed at your “skills”....you never mentioned your looks...
average? above average?....full head of hair? balding? 6’ 2”....or 5’ 8”.....?
You live in Montana ...city about 65,000 ....probably Greatfalls...Billings is bigger than that...
As for that bank teller you chatted up and got a date...maybe she saw your big bank account
Isn’t OLD for people that can’t or don’t get dates IRL?
I guess if you were getting tons of nibbles and bites IRL what is the point of OLD unless you’re trying to expand the pond that you fish in.
I recall back in the 90s when professional matchmakers were prevelant, and their main selling point was to people who simply did not have time to get out and socialize. Perhaps they have busy careers or they aren't much of a bar person.
"Are you not a bar person?" or "Hate going to the bars? Then we have an offer for you...here at lovers.com, we can introduce you thousands of potential matches in the same boat!"
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