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Why do some people have more success with meeting people online?
Why do others have more success with meeting people offline?
No, the point is, if something is working for you why complain that another thing is NOT? Go with the thing that works! It's easy....
OP - Exclusivity - women have been burned a lot by assuming exclusivity after 1 date...until there is some mention or talk of it, you are NOT exclusive. If that's a problem for you then bring it up! And if you scare too many women off then why can't YOU be exclusive for a few weeks but they can do what they want?
Oh - and why have you been separated for THREE years? What's the deal? It sounded cut and dried since she didn't want kids but there's got to be more to it.
Well, if you really want to dissect it, I think that our own electro-magnetic field intensifies when we're happy or in love, and others subconsciously "see" or sense that. Like when people tell brides that they're "radiant", or newlyweds are told they have a glow about them, or whatever.
Thanks, that makes sense. I just never had this experience before. I know of at least three occasions which happened right in front of me, when other people explicitly mentioned the glow thing.
I managed to force myself to read the first through the third page. I can't force myself to go on. I can feel why he doesn't do well on OLD. My mind is now too numb to explain it to the OP, besides of which I am too polite.
Interesting. I wasn’t looking at it as an additional option for OP either, as he says 100% IRL. 0% OLD. It’s like, hey somethings not working for me, so now that I know, I’ll take time away from the success, and do something that’s not working. INSTEAD of learning from it and doing what works. Unless the end-goal isn’t to find a partner, but to have a successful dating career in all possible areas.
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
No, the point is, if something is working for you why complain that another thing is NOT? Go with the thing that works! It's easy....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
If they're meeting plenty of people offline, why would it even occur to someone to try online? That is the question. What would he expect to find online, that's not available to him IRL? It's just another huge pool of personalities to weed through, most of which aren't a good fit, IF you can get any to respond and advance to the meet-&-greet stage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TenderFrost
Yet, somehow, in person, I managed a 100% success ratio, as in last 6 months, all three women I desired, I flirted with, asked out (I am kinda blunt that way, I don't have a problem getting slapped on face for upfront sincerity) and they all said yes. Met 2-3 times with each, before serious red flags on one or other side were raised.
1) Three people in 6 months that didn't work out. Is that working?
2) How would he know that OLD wasn't working if he didn't try?
I'll repeat my question
Why are people in this thread acting like online dating is a last resort as opposed to another option?
If he wasn't meeting people the people he wanted at a bar and decided to try at a bookstore, would the responses be the same? "You met 3 people in 6 months at a bar that didn't work out, why are you going to the bookstore instead of the bar some more?" I don't think so.
You have been with your wife for 20years and having kids never came up?
Now you’re telling me a couple with no kids is still trying to get a divorce after three years? Really? What’s the hold up?
I don’t know about this whole thing. I think I’m calling B S.
I’m not believing you have a glowing something and 8’s and 9’s are throwing themselves at you and you are separated from a 10.
Mmm hmm.
I have to admit that I thought the same when I read the OP.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TenderFrost
Oh, it did come up, of course. More than that. And I didn't say there were no kids ever.
Problem is, our kid tragically died four years ago. That tends to throw a burning torch into your life.
So, yeah, sorry that you find it hard to believe it took me four years to pull my sh*t together to work on divorce after he tragically died. Let me guess, you're an American, so you don't understand what a grief of such magnitude is, right? That's ok, met lots and lots like you.
And like I said, I am from Europe, we got married in Europe, so I can't get divorced in U.S. even though I live there.
I don't think it's particularly fair for you to jump all over that poster because you suffered a loss. The person was responding to what they actually new from your posts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
Your OP started out leaning towards a humble brag, that’s why you got that reaction. THEN you did a whole backlash to questions with info that your son died 4 years ago, you’ve been grieving and dating this whole time and your wife didn’t want any more children...at what age?
Now last year, you started divorce proceedings because it took a year to continue grieving, but your OP is about the past few years of dating? Seriously? THIS is the problem of internet advice, the ever growing changing story of the OP, not the posters trying to get to the actual facts so they may give accurate feedback. /Out.
I totally got the humble brag vibe too.
OP, your question went on about how you present yourself on OLD sites and you are confused as to why you are not having success. I think instead of getting peeved at people's responses here, you should view them as a teaching moment. People got different vibes from your post. Some came away with a negative impression. Perhaps some/many women on OLD sites get the same vibe?
I have to wonder if the women you are writing to on OLD sites see the word "separated" and move on. I know I would never answer such an ad or would close communication upon hearing that the person was separated rather than divorced.
No, the point is, if something is working for you why complain that another thing is NOT? Go with the thing that works! It's easy....
OP - Exclusivity - women have been burned a lot by assuming exclusivity after 1 date...until there is some mention or talk of it, you are NOT exclusive. If that's a problem for you then bring it up! And if you scare too many women off then why can't YOU be exclusive for a few weeks but they can do what they want?
Oh - and why have you been separated for THREE years? What's the deal? It sounded cut and dried since she didn't want kids but there's got to be more to it.
Can you go back and read last two pages? I think you will reevaluate the term "what works", as i wouldn't go as far - it was just few dates. Though, admittedly, in one case, I had an almost three -year relationship with that out-of-my-league beauty, IRL.
Regarding exclusivity, if I get excited enough about a girl to ask her for date, I don't care about other girls.
So, it's kinda, naturally, exclusive to me. Sorry, can't help it. I did, after all, spent 20 years exclusively with my wife. It's an unfortunate side effect of my temperament. I don't fight it anymore...
But, I guess I see your point - I won't expect it from women.
The deal with Three Years Of Separation:
- I had several different divorce lawyers in past
- each time I got stuck on the details of my son's death that I just couldn't put down on paper, so it got dragged, till the lawyer stopped responding
Why is it so hard to imagine that discussing details of the death of the most amazing Angel on this planet, is excruciatingly painful?
Unbeknownst to me, I acquired a pretty nasty PTSD that day, and experienced hundreds of flashbacks since.
It was an incredible amount of work to reduce the flashbacks to just few per year (now). I finally got my life back.
At the time, I couldn't imagine a life without a kid, so I had to separate.
But, I healed and figured how to be happy by myself, so I don't want to go down that road anymore with other women.
Oh, it did come up, of course. More than that. And I didn't say there were no kids ever.
Problem is, our kid tragically died four years ago. That tends to throw a burning torch into your life.
So, yeah, sorry that you find it hard to believe it took me four years to pull my sh*t together to work on divorce after he tragically died. Let me guess, you're an American, so you don't understand what a grief of such magnitude is, right? That's ok, met lots and lots like you.
And like I said, I am from Europe, we got married in Europe, so I can't get divorced in U.S. even though I live there.
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Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
This is the first time you've mentioned ANY of this here.
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Originally Posted by TenderFrost
Perhaps the Europe was mentioned in other thread today.
He still had no right to attack me, like he did and overexaggerate what I said.
But these are online forums, so that's alright and expected.
You never said you lost a child.
That changes the whole thread.
I apologize if I came off to hard on you.
It’s kinda like getting a small piece and now you give us half the puzzle.
You have a grieving wife and you are dating? Come on.
It’s kinda like getting a small piece and now you give us half the puzzle.
You have a grieving wife and you are dating? Come on.
This is why giving dating advice in general is so hard. It's hard to sit there explain and listen to someone's whole life story. There are a lot of dynamics, variables, and situations to account for, and it's impossible to do that and exhausting.
Can you go back and read last two pages? I think you will reevaluate the term "what works", as i wouldn't go as far - it was just few dates. Though, admittedly, in one case, I had an almost three -year relationship with that out-of-my-league beauty, IRL.
Regarding exclusivity, if I get excited enough about a girl to ask her for date, I don't care about other girls.
So, it's kinda, naturally, exclusive to me. Sorry, can't help it. I did, after all, spent 20 years exclusively with my wife. It's an unfortunate side effect of my temperament. I don't fight it anymore...
But, I guess I see your point - I won't expect it from women.
The deal with Three Years Of Separation:
- I had several different divorce lawyers in past
- each time I got stuck on the details of my son's death that I just couldn't put down on paper, so it got dragged, till the lawyer stopped responding
Why is it so hard to imagine that discussing details of the death of the most amazing Angel on this planet, is excruciatingly painful?
Unbeknownst to me, I acquired a pretty nasty PTSD that day, and experienced hundreds of flashbacks since.
It was an incredible amount of work to reduce the flashbacks to just few per year (now). I finally got my life back.
At the time, I couldn't imagine a life without a kid, so I had to separate.
But, I healed and figured how to be happy by myself, so I don't want to go down that road anymore with other women.
I think you should take some time to yourself and get therapy to deal with your losses and your general approach to life.
You don't come across as someone who has healed at all.
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