Boyfriend is too attached to his family. Am I crazy???? (dating, movies)
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Hey guys. So I’m in a dilemma and I really need advice because I’m not really sure how to move forward or even address the situation.
So first, here’s a little backround about us. So me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years now. Some of the things that really drew me to him was his adventurous spirit, love to travel, and his big heart. It’s always been really important to me to travel and see the world, especially since my parents have been making me travel since a young age because they aren’t from America. When we first met one of the first things that sparked our interest was we both needed people to travel with and we agreed to see the world together.
So during our two almost 2 years of being together, the only place we’ve been was Vegas �� & that was with his brother and his sister. Ive been expressing to him for the past year that I really wanted to go to Aruba. However, it hasn’t been much of a priority for him. Last week, his sister calls him and asks if he wants to go to Aruba with her & her daughter. Of course he says yes. It kind of annoyed me because whenever she asks hm to do something he jumps. This past Christmas was our first Christmas ever together & we were gonna make Christmas breakfast and Christmas and spend the morning watching Christmas movies. His sister calls him st 10am and says she needs him to come help her set up tables. So guess what he does? He leaves Christmas morning to go help her set up tables. We’ve been talking about getting married and engaged and he tells me that as soon as his money is right we’ll get engaged. But all of his siblings are getting dirt bikes this summer and now all of sudden he just has to spend $2,000 on a dirt bike so he can ride with them. Also, me & him just has a big argument about a month ago & he goes to his sister and tells her every little detail and now they’re telling him to leave me. He is 28 but I feel like he very too much influenced by them and does anything they say. But, he is the youngest of 5, so I understand why he may be influenced by them. I asked him if I’ll ever be the number one priority in his life and he basically told me that until he’s married his sister and siblings and mom will ALWAYS come before me. He never has my back and always lets them talk bad about me.
Why would i want to wait till marriage for you to prove I’m the #1 woman in your life? What if it never changes?? I really don’t know what to do or if I’m being dramatic. I feel like he’s very attached them and it’s gonna be hard for him to detach. I also have fears that he’s gonna end up just like them. They’re all in their mid 30s and none of them are married or even in successful relationships. his brother and sister are mid 30s and they live in the same house. his sister lives upstairs and his brother lives in the basement. . They try to give him advice but they done even know what they’re doing. I try to encourage him to do better than the people that are around him but I fear he will end up like them. Single and average. Is that mean to say? I don’t really know how to feel about all of this. how should I even approach this?
Also, his mom has told me that all of his girlfriends and boyfriends girlfriends don’t like their family. It’s kind of like they take pride in that???? They’re not very friendly or welcoming either.
Hey guys. So I’m in a dilemma and I really need advice because I’m not really sure how to move forward or even address the situation.
So first, here’s a little backround about us. So me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years now. Some of the things that really drew me to him was his adventurous spirit, love to travel, and his big heart. It’s always been really important to me to travel and see the world, especially since my parents have been making me travel since a young age because they aren’t from America. When we first met one of the first things that sparked our interest was we both needed people to travel with and we agreed to see the world together.
So during our two almost 2 years of being together, the only place we’ve been was Vegas �� & that was with his brother and his sister. Ive been expressing to him for the past year that I really wanted to go to Aruba. However, it hasn’t been much of a priority for him. Last week, his sister calls him and asks if he wants to go to Aruba with her & her daughter. Of course he says yes. It kind of annoyed me because whenever she asks hm to do something he jumps. This past Christmas was our first Christmas ever together & we were gonna make Christmas breakfast and Christmas and spend the morning watching Christmas movies. His sister calls him st 10am and says she needs him to come help her set up tables. So guess what he does? He leaves Christmas morning to go help her set up tables. We’ve been talking about getting married and engaged and he tells me that as soon as his money is right we’ll get engaged. But all of his siblings are getting dirt bikes this summer and now all of sudden he just has to spend $2,000 on a dirt bike so he can ride with them. Also, me & him just has a big argument about a month ago & he goes to his sister and tells her every little detail and now they’re telling him to leave me. He is 28 but I feel like he very too much influenced by them and does anything they say. But, he is the youngest of 5, so I understand why he may be influenced by them. I asked him if I’ll ever be the number one priority in his life and he basically told me that until he’s married his sister and siblings and mom will ALWAYS come before me. He never has my back and always lets them talk bad about me.
Why would i want to wait till marriage for you to prove I’m the #1 woman in your life? What if it never changes?? I really don’t know what to do or if I’m being dramatic. I feel like he’s very attached them and it’s gonna be hard for him to detach. I also have fears that he’s gonna end up just like them. They’re all in their mid 30s and none of them are married or even in successful relationships. his brother and sister are mid 30s and they live in the same house. his sister lives upstairs and his brother lives in the basement. . They try to give him advice but they done even know what they’re doing. I try to encourage him to do better than the people that are around him but I fear he will end up like them. Single and average. Is that mean to say? I don’t really know how to feel about all of this. how should I even approach this?
Well, yes, you are being dramatic, and yes, that was a mean thing to say.
But the thing is ... he's not going to change. You've spent the past two years seeing his reality. That's what dating is for.
So stop seeing this situation the way you WISH it was and see it the way it really IS. It's time to understand the lesson you've been taught and move forward without him.
You will never change his family dynamic, and you really should not try. You need to find someone more compatible for you.
OP, I got only halfway through. The fact that he tells you he'll do the engagement & marriage thing "when his money's right" is all you need to know. He's not into you. The whole first half of your narrative screams, that he's not into you. He's more into his family, than he is into you. He's using money as an excuse for not moving forward with the relationship.
Get out. Move on. Don't look back. If he makes a fuss, don't believe him. Just get.out. The sooner you liberate yourself from this guy, the sooner you can move on to finding something better. You've already wasted 2 years on this guy. That's more than enough.
Him standing at an altar saying “I do” is not going to magically make you number one in his life. Listen to everyone above....leave him. Too much time wasted already.
Hey guys. So I’m in a dilemma and I really need advice because I’m not really sure how to move forward or even address the situation.
So first, here’s a little backround about us. So me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years now. Some of the things that really drew me to him was his adventurous spirit, love to travel, and his big heart. It’s always been really important to me to travel and see the world, especially since my parents have been making me travel since a young age because they aren’t from America. When we first met one of the first things that sparked our interest was we both needed people to travel with and we agreed to see the world together.
So during our two almost 2 years of being together, the only place we’ve been was Vegas �� & that was with his brother and his sister. Ive been expressing to him for the past year that I really wanted to go to Aruba. However, it hasn’t been much of a priority for him. Last week, his sister calls him and asks if he wants to go to Aruba with her & her daughter. Of course he says yes. It kind of annoyed me because whenever she asks hm to do something he jumps. This past Christmas was our first Christmas ever together & we were gonna make Christmas breakfast and Christmas and spend the morning watching Christmas movies. His sister calls him st 10am and says she needs him to come help her set up tables. So guess what he does? He leaves Christmas morning to go help her set up tables. We’ve been talking about getting married and engaged and he tells me that as soon as his money is right we’ll get engaged. But all of his siblings are getting dirt bikes this summer and now all of sudden he just has to spend $2,000 on a dirt bike so he can ride with them. Also, me & him just has a big argument about a month ago & he goes to his sister and tells her every little detail and now they’re telling him to leave me. He is 28 but I feel like he very too much influenced by them and does anything they say. But, he is the youngest of 5, so I understand why he may be influenced by them. I asked him if I’ll ever be the number one priority in his life and he basically told me that until he’s married his sister and siblings and mom will ALWAYS come before me. He never has my back and always lets them talk bad about me.
Why would i want to wait till marriage for you to prove I’m the #1 woman in your life? What if it never changes?? I really don’t know what to do or if I’m being dramatic. I feel like he’s very attached them and it’s gonna be hard for him to detach. I also have fears that he’s gonna end up just like them. They’re all in their mid 30s and none of them are married or even in successful relationships. his brother and sister are mid 30s and they live in the same house. his sister lives upstairs and his brother lives in the basement. . They try to give him advice but they done even know what they’re doing. I try to encourage him to do better than the people that are around him but I fear he will end up like them. Single and average. Is that mean to say? I don’t really know how to feel about all of this. how should I even approach this?
Also, his mom has told me that all of his girlfriends and boyfriends girlfriends don’t like their family. It’s kind of like they take pride in that???? They’re not very friendly or welcoming either.
I stopped reading your post when I reached the deal breaker bolded above.
My friend, he has an enmeshed family--no one gets in, and no one gets out. So, if you're okay with ranking second, and you always will, to his family, by all means, stay with him and marry him. If not, get out.
I wouldn't tolerate being a man's afterthought for one minute.
Clearly you’re not a priority for him. Do we you wish knowing this.
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