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Out of curiosity, how many of you are the only person that your SO (significant other) or spouse really has &/OR your SO is the only person you really have?
Sort of. We aren't estranged from our extended family but they mostly only call when they need something. We live about 2 hours away from most of them and the only time we see them is if we make the trip. Even the one brother that lives 20 minutes away doesn't stop over unless it's to ask if he can burn his junk in our fire pit. Our kids are young adults and busy with work, school and their own friends so they call but don't get to stop by very often as the closest one is an hour away.
We each have friends but our close friends don't live nearby and the ones that are nearby aren't close friends so much as work friends. We enjoy each other's company and do a lot together. We aren't purposely anti social but I guess we don't make extra effort to be social either. We're happy.
ETA: I read your posts on the other thread and it's interesting that you're an only child. I wasn't an only child but there is a 9 year gap between my sister and I so we did not play together as kids at all. I also lived in a rural setting so no neighborhood kids. I had friends in school but I grew up entertaining myself at home on weekends and summer breaks so being alone is not at all foreign or threatening to me. My mother was an only child also raised in a rural setting and also really didn't socialize outside of our family so for me growing up, dinner parties and double dates were just something the fancy people on tv did. Mom and Dad just came home every night and spent it with each other and us.
Last edited by jmcahacker; 03-20-2019 at 02:02 PM..
You know how many couples are friends w/ other couples & they hang out & go places? That would be so incredibly foreign to my fiance' & I. I personally wouldn't like it. It would feel so odd to me. I prefer just my fiance' & I together. But hey, if that's what people like, that's great for them!
Ha, yes!
I worry for you to be in among a guy with such a screwed up family.
I realize a person could overcome their childhood but his whole family sounds messed up.
Don’t be blinded. He probably has the crazy gene that may come out after marriage or in one or more of your children. Just saying.
Its almost that situation for both of us. She has one good friend in the small town she lives in (she's not from there) and I had 2 (one just moved). I also live in a city where I'm not from. I feel sad for both of us. We both used to have tons of friends. I have some back home, but rarely talk to them. It's not healthy, and yet also out of our control. As for family, both my parents have deceased, my mother just on Christmas Eve. I have a brother I rarely talk to and a niece I adore. They live 1300 miles away. I've talked on another thread about always being the one to initiate plans with friends to the point to which I gave up. That's the word we live in today and it sucks.
Its almost that situation for both of us. She has one good friend in the small town she lives in (she's not from there) and I had 2 (one just moved). I also live in a city where I'm not from. I feel sad for both of us. We both used to have tons of friends. I have some back home, but rarely talk to them. It's not healthy, and yet also out of our control. As for family, both my parents have deceased, my mother just on Christmas Eve. I have a brother I rarely talk to and a niece I adore. They live 1300 miles away. I've talked on another thread about always being the one to initiate plans with friends to the point to which I gave up. That's the word we live in today and it sucks.
Amen brother in the bold. Lately, I've been the one having to call to make plans and crap. If I didn't call any of my "friends" I'd never hear from them. I Had this one female friend that used to do Taco Tuesday routinely with a small group of her friends, she invited me along. After a couple of those, that stopped as she had client obligations around the dinner hour.
When I was suggested to do stuff on the weekends, she had plans then. She was seeing a college friend 4 hour ride away. She has "friends" from all over the nation, due to her traveling, but to be honest, I don't think she's tight with any of them and I can't really justify seeing old college buddies if I never really stayed in touch with them.
She had asked me to keep in touch with her about hiking and outdoors meetups. She went to a couple, but had to cut out early all the time. When I mentioned a hike coming up, she said "I'll be at my book club that Sunday"
And I was thinking, "Hm, she picked the most boring thing to prioritize"..esp. for her. lol So I threw in the towel on that friendship.
I do this board game event every week, this one dude got a new girlfriend, and by golly, he fits the description of the main post. Didn't see him again after that. HE brought his girl with him to a game night, but only sat in on it. Sadly, she was actually good at the games...but I don't think it was a shared interest she had with him.
Anyways, that's just an example, because it's the most recent.
I think people tend to spread themselves too thin with casual acquaintances, to make themselves appear busy or important, as opposed to appreciate a close cluster of a handful of close friends. A tribe....There's no "Cheers" (80s TV show) feel to friendships anymore.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
Its almost that situation for both of us. She has one good friend in the small town she lives in (she's not from there) and I had 2 (one just moved). I also live in a city where I'm not from. I feel sad for both of us. We both used to have tons of friends. I have some back home, but rarely talk to them. It's not healthy, and yet also out of our control. As for family, both my parents have deceased, my mother just on Christmas Eve. I have a brother I rarely talk to and a niece I adore. They live 1300 miles away. I've talked on another thread about always being the one to initiate plans with friends to the point to which I gave up. That's the word we live in today and it sucks.
I really don't see this among my peers, friends, or co workers. Every week there are multiple options for hanging out in at least small groups for events and stuff, or going climbing, hiking, kayaking, etc.
I really don't see this among my peers, friends, or co workers. Every week there are multiple options for hanging out in at least small groups for events and stuff, or going climbing, hiking, kayaking, etc.
Well you're one of the fortunate ones. Though, I still find it odd you have a rule not to date through that circle or via them, but prefer online dating over that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Well you're one of the fortunate ones. Though, I still find it odd you have a rule not to date through that circle or via them, but prefer online dating over that.
I find lots of things about your stories odd too.
But, if you're old enough to remember dating pre OLD and actually dated a lot then (or tried to), I think you'd realize the huge benefit OLD is.
Well you're one of the fortunate ones. Though, I still find it odd you have a rule not to date through that circle or via them, but prefer online dating over that.
Dude, let that go. It's really none of your business and you need to understand people prefer different things and it makes THEM happy. You seem to be threatened by this. You and Tim are not the same person. If you prefer to date within a friend circle cool. Tim doesn't, and OLD works better for him. Sucked for YOU. Accept it. Stop rehashing this, agree to disagree, and move on. It just looks like you're trying to start an argument at this point.
But, if you're old enough to remember dating pre OLD and actually dated a lot then (or tried to), I think you'd realize the huge benefit OLD is.
I'm conflicted on your OLD statement. I had an easier time in the 90's, to be honest. Yes, I've met women from OLD, but not marriage material. I don't know. Also, its so much work (like at least a part time job) just to find one woman to go out with. If I were good at approaching, I would never do OLD. I guess its a double edged sword for me.
I do agree with ThisTown's comments in general and particularly relate to the Cheers reference. I miss those days.
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Though, I still find it odd you have a rule not to date through that circle or via them, but prefer online dating over that.
