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I like shy, awkward effeminate men. I often wonder where they're all hiding. I know such men are often shamed for failing to live up to the masculine stereotype, but I find it attractive. They're just impossible to find on dating sites.
OK, I can understand shy and awkward, maybe. But effeminate? Nope. I don't get it. Why would you want that. If he is, he could be a closet homosexual. A lot of women (the assertive ones) like shy men. I know that first hand. But while I can be awkward, I'm usually not, nor effeminate, unless you think dressing nice qualifies. I don't think it does.
Besides, I would think you would want a man who could change a tire, do minor repairs, mow the lawn, etc. A guy who if he doesn't know how to do something can look it up and figure it out.
OK, I can understand shy and awkward, maybe. But effeminate? Nope. I don't get it. Why would you want that. If he is, he could be a closet homosexual. A lot of women (the assertive ones) like shy men. I know that first hand. But while I can be awkward, I'm usually not, nor effeminate, unless you think dressing nice qualifies. I don't think it does.
Besides, I would think you would want a man who could change a tire, do minor repairs, mow the lawn, etc. A guy who if he doesn't know how to do something can look it up and figure it out.
I think there's a balance, and once you tip past it, the attractiveness is gone. Where "effeminate" alone is concerned. Like Prince. When he did the Purple Rain stuff, he was just right in terms of effeminate. Lots of women were into him. I thought he was hot then. Bowie could also pull off just the right amount of feminine energy. But at some point after his peak in the 80's, Prince tipped the scales into downright womanish at times and I found his style unappealing then. And it sure isn't something that just any guy can pull off.
But at the same time, the "effeminate" men I've admired were not shy or awkward, really. They had their own thing going on and they rocked it.
I like shy, awkward effeminate men. I often wonder where they're all hiding. I know such men are often shamed for failing to live up to the masculine stereotype, but I find it attractive. They're just impossible to find on dating sites.
Well you are an anomaly. People are wired differently, but most women are attracted to attractive, intelligent, self confident, masculine men. Not necessarily type A all the time, but someone that can navigate the world properly.
Whew, there is so much judgment and stereotyping going on in this thread, particularly about stereotypical "masculine" traits. A guy isn't a "man" because he can hang a picture, swing a hammer, change a tire, etc. A guy's a man because he treats women with respect, values their opinion, input, feelings, is educated in feminist history, and supports women and other marginalized groups (POC, LGBT community, etc). He also values his own feelings, doesn't let anyone undervalue him, but doesn't resort to irrational anger or violence when he encounters people who don't. THAT's what makes a man, not all the other crap people are writing about here. If he happens to like cats, enjoys cooking, art, literature, etc, all the better because I enjoy those things, too. That doesn't mean I'm "hyperfeminine," a "crazy cat lady" or any of those other stereotypes people like to lob at women who have certain interests. I can also change a tire, hang a picture, fix a toaster, curse a blue streak, know tons of obscure facts about morose indie pop music from the '80s and '90s, and have trained as a race car driver. I have many different attributes that make me no more "feminine" or "masculine" than anyone else, but might make me interesting to someone who also shares those attributes. Let's stop defining things with such binary language and stereotypes and just look for people who share our interests and make us happy.
Well. That...escalated quickly?... I'm not trying to get into the whole "what makes a man a manly real man" thing here. When I was talking about "effeminate" I just took it to mean a personal style or a kind of expression. A look, or at most some mannerisms or fashion. Nothing more than that.
One of my sons has described his own features to be feminine, but he thinks it's a good thing. He's got the fine bone structure from a particular branch of my family genetics. Looks a bit like a taller, thinner version of a young Christian Slater. Doesn't mean anything in terms of whether he is a proper man or not.
Though I think that his father would say, that being truly a man, a good man, manning mannily, is more about integrity than anything else. He is the sort of person to think about such things. My son is happy to just be whoever he is; he'd laugh and mock anybody for trying to define something like this.
I think there's a balance, and once you tip past it, the attractiveness is gone. Where "effeminate" alone is concerned. Like Prince. When he did the Purple Rain stuff, he was just right in terms of effeminate. Lots of women were into him. I thought he was hot then. Bowie could also pull off just the right amount of feminine energy. But at some point after his peak in the 80's, Prince tipped the scales into downright womanish at times and I found his style unappealing then. And it sure isn't something that just any guy can pull off.
But at the same time, the "effeminate" men I've admired were not shy or awkward, really. They had their own thing going on and they rocked it.
I guess I can get on board with this. I was watching the rock & roll hall of fame ceremony and The Cure (one of the best bands ever) was inducted. I can't decide if Robert Smith is just effeminate as part of the act or if he's truly straight. He looked like a woman at the ceremony. I did google him and I think he's married to a woman, so there's an example.
Presumably shy people are not busy hiding, they are just not taking the same chances of getting noticed as those who are more forward focused.
The rest of the stuff is whatever...
I like shy, awkward effeminate men. I often wonder where they're all hiding. I know such men are often shamed for failing to live up to the masculine stereotype, but I find it attractive. They're just impossible to find on dating sites.
My initial reaction was to ask for clarification: "Like" in what way? To have hot casual sex with or to settle down with? Not that these concepts are completely mutually exclusive, but the overlap between them is very very small.
I, however, read in post #45* that the OP is trans. I don't know anyone trans, nor do I intend to become one myself. So I have no dog in this fight. Plus, I'm sure the attraction dynamic between trans-gendered people is different than between cis-gendered straight men and women.
*Mod note: Post #s have changed due to multiple deletions.
Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted post has been deleted).
Last edited by PJSaturn; 05-16-2019 at 09:30 PM..
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