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Old 03-19-2019, 02:56 PM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,659,779 times
Reputation: 54735

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Hemi View Post
I know I will get flamed for this, but I will say with 100% certainty that women are not generally attracted to men that say they are "depressed". That isnt interesting or exciting. So I think she isnt interested in you at all, she is either buttering you up for tips or attention. She might be being nice, but Im a cynic.
No flaming from me. Someone who complains to a total stranger about being depressed is a major red flag for drama and pity-seeking.
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Old 03-19-2019, 07:08 PM
 
Location: The ghetto
17,379 posts, read 8,962,351 times
Reputation: 13276
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Hemi View Post
I know I will get flamed for this, but I will say with 100% certainty that women are not generally attracted to men that say they are "depressed". That isnt interesting or exciting.
I'd agree that most people don't see depression as an attractive quality. However, the depressed person is sometimes viewed as sensitive, complex, dark, enigmatic, and interesting. And those are attractive qualities to some people.

Depressed people often find comfort around other depressed people.
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Old 03-20-2019, 01:04 AM
 
Location: Jacksonville
2,822 posts, read 1,921,155 times
Reputation: 3074
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
I think it is very difficult for the person who has to constantly deal with the typical symptoms (lack of emotional intelligence, rigid thinking, miscommunication, narcissism, obsessions and anxieties, etc.) Yes. I have been there. It sucked.
This is why I don't tell anybody I have it. Only family (and some of them don't even know), my best friend (also a high-functioning autistic person, who was diagnosed a bit later in life when he was 24, while I was diagnosed at either 13 or 14), and a couple other close friends, who I've known for a while. I've eventually told women I wound up being in a relationship with, though.

The obsessions are probably the only symptom that I probably struggle with, but the couple of obsession's I have worked out well for me, as I'm making a pretty good living doing one of them. I struggle with anxiety at times, but rarely is it social anxiety. A lot of is definitely irrational. I'm actually very good with public speaking (I much prefer it to speaking to a small group) and performing publicly, which I likely acquired from playing live music from a young age in my late teens.

I used to have a bit of a narcissistic side when I was younger, which I've fortunately shaken, but I chalk this up as to being something I inherited from a non-autistic family members.
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Old 03-20-2019, 01:11 AM
 
Location: Jacksonville
2,822 posts, read 1,921,155 times
Reputation: 3074
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Hemi View Post
I know I will get flamed for this, but I will say with 100% certainty that women are not generally attracted to men that say they are "depressed". That isnt interesting or exciting. So I think she isnt interested in you at all, she is either buttering you up for tips or attention. She might be being nice, but Im a cynic.

But there is nothing wrong with asking her about her, and see if she does more of the same. But DONT GET HER ANY GIFTS BEFORE YOURE ACTUALLY DATING.

Also, while youre talking to her, you dont talk to her to get a date, you talk to her casually just to see what happens. Do not get attached to an outcome, and dont get attached to her.

What you need to do first is find out why she is acting this way towards you. if you dont find this out you will be acting on assumptions with no/wrong information.
You're absolutely right and I definitely agree with not opening up and telling a potential dating interest that you're depressed. I think that's something you should stick to discussing with trusted friends or maybe a family member that you trust. There's a lot of people who might be turned off by someone going around telling everybody how depressed they are. That's one of the worst things you can tell a potential love interest. The one thing worse that I see people doing are telling the women they want to date ''I'm never get any dates'' or ''I'm really ugly''. Keep that stuff confined to trusted friends or relatives and not your potential dating interests.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33 View Post
I'd agree that most people don't see depression as an attractive quality. However, the depressed person is sometimes viewed as sensitive, complex, dark, enigmatic, and interesting. And those are attractive qualities to some people.

Depressed people often find comfort around other depressed people.
I think there's definitely exceptions, you're right. I think it's good to talk to people when you're depressed and discuss it with people, for sure, but it's not the best idea to discuss it with those who have just been introduced into your life.
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Old 03-20-2019, 10:25 PM
 
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,056,405 times
Reputation: 2157
So I think the OP is a good example of what I was talking about in another thread. Having problems finding a relationship does not mean one has a bad personality or mental problems. He can't be such a bad guy, or this waitress wouldn't be so friendly toward him.

Most of us have a favorite food. I love pizza. That doesn't mean that hamburgers disgust me, or that I am fearful of chicken sandwiches. But pizza is my favorite.

Similarly, you can be appealing for platonic friendship but not necessarily someone that most would be interested in for the purpose of romance. That doesn't mean you're stupid or immature or mean or a jerk. It just means that your personality doesn't attract most people in that particular way. Or more importantly, it doesn't attract the people to whom you are attracted. After all, there must be mutual attraction in order for a romantic relationship to develop.

I'm in that category. In the eyes of women who are pizza to me, I am a chicken sandwich. I might be tasty at times, or something they eat if it is the best food available at the time, but I am not their favorite food.
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