Ladies, what mistakes do your potential suitors make early on? (single, older)
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Yeah. None of us want to waste our time on the wrong person, but that's just the nature of dating. I don't want to date someone for six months and then find out they're a closet alcoholic with anger management issues either, but sometimes, people don't show all their cards right away.
Yes, I can think of a lot of dealbreakers that I could bring up on or before a first date if I didn't want to waste my time; I'd have to send a guy a government-security-clearance-level questionnaire before I'd even agree to a phone call.
My age? Did you learn about Capt Cook in school? I was his navigator and we totally missed the america's and ended up in Tahiti. No idea how that happened.
One of my neighbors is a man [Willy] in his mid-60s, he is obese and diabetic. Willy has never been married, though he has had several long term relationships. For the past year, Willy has been going to the YMCA for swimming classes twice a week. Willy is the only man attending these swimming groups, the women in this group hound him.
For everything I read in this thread, we get a good idea of what mistakes men make. Does all of this change suddenly when you reach 50?
I don't think anything changed. Willy is probably just sexy. He must have some natural charm. Obese and diabetic is not necessarily a dealbreaker if someone is REALLY cute. I've dated obese men before. I didn't exactly love the obesity but they were funny as hell, and that's what made them attractive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144
Yes, I can think of a lot of dealbreakers that I could bring up on or before a first date if I didn't want to waste my time; I'd have to send a guy a government-security-clearance-level questionnaire before I'd even agree to a phone call.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
I agree with this and its always been how I've acted around women. I never bring up sex. This is where OLD and texting has become an issue. This never happened before texting, in particular. I personally think it does men a disservice.
I feel like this stuff is a symptom of a greater problem in society. Lack of patience and attention span. People are becoming more and more spoiled. They're needing and expecting things NOW and they don't like to wait. I see it all the time with everything, from being unwilling to take the time to create a homecooked meal to being unwilling to take the time getting to know someone new.
It's sad, because the process of things can be really enjoyable. I love spending a few hours slowly preparing a meal in a relaxed manner. I love the fun of getting to know someone new. It's not just a means to an end.
I don't think anything changed. Willy is probably just sexy. He must have some natural charm. Obese and diabetic is not necessarily a dealbreaker if someone is REALLY cute. I've dated obese men before. I didn't exactly love the obesity but they were funny as hell, and that's what made them attractive.
I feel like this stuff is a symptom of a greater problem in society. Lack of patience and attention span. People are becoming more and more spoiled. They're needing and expecting things NOW and they don't like to wait. I see it all the time with everything, from being unwilling to take the time to create a homecooked meal to being unwilling to take the time getting to know someone new.
It's sad, because the process of things can be really enjoyable. I love spending a few hours slowly preparing a meal in a relaxed manner. I love the fun of getting to know someone new. It's not just a means to an end.
I mean, to an extent, yes, it makes sense to get dealbreakers out of the way if you feel very strongly about something, because there's no point in getting attached to someone and having to end it when it will be really painful. I don't know, maybe to most men, sex IS important enough that if the compatibility isn't perfect, they're done with you? My point was that if we're going to be this picky about sex, we could be this picky about a lot of things.
Good question....I wonder the same thing, but just about people in general.
I'm not the type of person who is attracted enough to want to get to know someone often. I'll see someone, maybe say he's cute, then keep it moving. I have to be careful about vocalizing this around friends, because they'll immediately start pressuring me to talk to him. It's annoying and childish. I also don't go "hunting" for someone either. It doesn't make sense to me. If I'm not already interested in someone after a conversation (depending on the situation), I'm not pursuing anything further.
I don't know why just simply acknowledging someone is attractive means you want to get with them. In my experiences with men, they try to cease the opportunity immediately. They mistake my conversation as me being interested, and that's because they are projecting they're attraction onto me. Instantly things become uncomfortable. While I typically know whether I am interested right away, there's a way to go about it. My friends call me a tease for simply having a conversation as if that automatically means I'm suppose to give the dude something.
I can appreciate the honesty, but the execution and delivery is off.
Same with me. I have gotten to the point I don't even try to be engaging. lol Because some take talking & casual conversation as a sign of interest.
One guy I used to work with sat next to me & made conversation. We chatted for all of 3 minutes, and he was asking for my number. Which he didn't get because I wasn't interested. And it tends to be awkward. Plus, I have to have talk with you longer than 3 minutes before I start giving out contact info. lol
But even that guy is better than some who haven't even had a casual chat with me, but the first thing out of their mouth is asking for my number, or them giving me their's.
A big mistake is also coming on too strong too soon. I don't care to be "hit on." Some dude I don't know wanting to flirt or talk about how cute or hot I am.
Another would be a guy making it known he's into me because I fulfill a fetish quota due to a certain quality I have. And I will say anyone who brings that up off the bat is a deal-breaker.
One guy I did like was very sweet. I was new to a job, and he helped me with stuff, we had nice casual chats, and he was a very nice guy in general. If he had ever asked me out after a while, I would've gone out with him. But I found out he was gay. Oh well. Still a great guy I talked to when we worked together. But nothing to be had there.
Last edited by HappyRain; 03-26-2019 at 04:47 PM..
Regarding that thing of guys mistaking friendliness for interest...
*sigh*
I'm actually tasked with the job of being the "ambassador" for the kink organization I'm involved with. Which, among other things, means if someone is feeling nervous or has questions, I'm the one who steps forward to answer them. Usually new people will spend some time interested in the club but anxious about the idea of showing up...only to find, once they do, that it really isn't that scary or big of a deal. But that is normal. So there I am, willing to chat online, or to even meet up for coffee or tea or something, if someone wants to talk, and to provide a friendly face to ease their way in the door.
This is fine with me, as extroverting and connecting with new humans is a big strength of mine and a thing I enjoy a lot.
But I think I was really, really clear on my profile on the site we all use to connect and everything, that I am TAKEN, TAKEN, TAKEN. Like my profile pic, unlike many women there who are "look at my body parts!" is a close-up of my collar, which in this group might as well be a close up of a wedding ring. And I express at ridiculous length (you guys know me, we're talking wall of text here) just how NOT available to hook up I am.
But (and this ain't the first time this has happened) this younger (33) dude messages me, and he remarks on several areas of common interest and then says he's interested in the community and wants to make friends and such. I'm like "Cool, I'm down!" He had initially said we could maybe get together for coffee. Great! Then somehow within a couple of messages, he is asking to get together to play video games or watch TV...at his house. So I responded and said, "Hey, so I'm very friendly and definitely down to talk and answer any questions and help you get into the community--and I think you'd have a lot of fun, if you came out to the club!--but so you know, if you were hoping for some hanging out or play in private, I'm not available for that. Just want to make sure we're clear and all." And in response I got "Well I guess maybe I'll to to the club eventually, but I just wanted someone to come over and hang out with me. You take care now."
Obviously the guy was just angling to get laid. I'm pretty sure. I mean, I'm doubting dudes just invite women to their homes with the legit purpose of wanting to play video games and make friends.
My question is why in the actual hell would anyone target someone who says in several ways at great length that she's NOT down for any of that sort of thing...then try to run some kind of "I wanna be friends...no not really I actually want you to come over here so I can mack on you" game? WT-heckin-F you guys? It's not like he didn't read my profile, since he was able to echo back at me a few mentions of things I said I liked from it. Do guys have selective eyeballs that skip past everything that says "I'm taken and not down for sex with other dudes" and go straight to "Hey she says she likes this one video game I have heard of! THAT'S MY IN!!"
Hey so here's a ridiculous mistake for you. Trying to get all "potential suitor" on women who are only going to say no, and who have done you the favor of making that abundantly clear, right up front like.
Same with me. I have gotten to the point I don't even try to be engaging. lol Because some take talking & casual conversation as a sign of interest.
One guy I used to work with sat next to me & made conversation. We chatted for all of 3 minutes, and he was asking for my number. Which he didn't get because I wasn't interested. And it tends to be awkward. Plus, I have to have talk with you longer than 3 minutes before I start giving out contact info. lol
Can't blame a guy for trying. ;-) All you can do is say "No".
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