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Lots of threads here solely to rag on woman. Two or three just this morning and were quickly deleted.
War of the sexes unfortunately appears to be in full effect.
This thread is much milder than the blatant attack threads. Those make ugly, mostly ludicrous statements and then get deleted. This thread is more insidious. Individual posts stay on the acceptable side of the mods, and should I think. But we've had about 150 posts so far and maybe 100 have been women listing men's foibles as daters. Seems like overkill.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
I would never want to laugh at your sadness or disappointment. I do agree with what your saying, but should we not reply because the ones who don’t get it, won’t? I’m still laughing at the pawing at pokemon though, thank you! 🤗🤔😀
Glad you liked that. Regarding the thread, the question was asked and so answering is only natural. With one or two exceptions I don't think anyone was any more caustic than I was. It does add up, though, a little like death by a thousand comments. My comment accomplished it's purpose by engendering three thoughtful comments, which I think provide some needed balance.
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Originally Posted by stan4
I don't know.
There have actually been a few times on this forum where I have read something, seen myself/my actions through someone else's eyes, and had to contemplate changing something about my behavior because of it.
Otherwise this place would be a giant waste of time and I would never bother coming here if there was nothing to learn.
Granted, most threads are blah blah circle jerk blah stuff, but if some guy comes on here and sees something that could so easily be fixed if only he knew or understood something he hadn't had the insight on before...hey, there's a purpose.
At the end of the day, I'd also like guys to know that you don't have to try to impress us. The kind of women who are impressed at what you men think impresses women are not the women you'll likely want long term. Most women these days have jobs and a life.
Your job, your car, your clothes, your connections, your money, your gym gains - it does not impress us. ESPECIALLY not if you talk about it like it should. If you're a together guy who is gentle, kind, a good friend, someone who serves his community and thinks of others, works hard, and doesn't see people as things to be used, well, hell, that is pretty impressive on its own.
In the sea of descriptions of negative, sometimes pitiful men's efforts made in this thread, I may have missed the ripple made by someone else saying something like this. It's really the answer though, isn't it? Actually, it's about all the advice anyone, man or woman, needs. I hope anyone who really wants help sees it, because your gentle, positive tone is likely to be accepted.
This thread is much milder than the blatant attack threads. Those make ugly, mostly ludicrous statements and then get deleted. This thread is more insidious. Individual posts stay on the acceptable side of the mods, and should I think. But we've had about 150 posts so far and maybe 100 have been women listing men's foibles as daters. Seems like overkill.
Glad you liked that. Regarding the thread, the question was asked and so answering is only natural. With one or two exceptions I don't think anyone was any more caustic than I was. It does add up, though, a little like death by a thousand comments. My comment accomplished it's purpose by engendering three thoughtful comments, which I think provide some needed balance.
In the sea of descriptions of negative, sometimes pitiful men's efforts made in this thread, I may have missed the ripple made by someone else saying something like this. It's really the answer though, isn't it? Actually, it's about all the advice anyone, man or woman, needs. I hope anyone who really wants help sees it, because your gentle, positive tone is likely to be accepted.
Homina, I'm so sick of all these threads, whether they're men against women, or women against men. It's ugly, disheartening, and completely fruitless. I've posted before that this forum could really be helpful if there were real problems posted. But, seriously, I think it's very rare that any of them are for real. I think most of them are people posting as the opposite sex in order to run the opposite sex down in some way (and somehow give themselves power, I guess). They're acting as a-holes, but it's still sad, like it's all they have.
I think members here can see who are helpful and who are not.
In a society where women's looks and ability to attract a man are all that matter, older women are ridiculed or become invisible, and people think there's something wrong with her if she's single past a certain age, why would you *not* expect some older single women to become desperate?
because it shouldn't be about being with someone to avoid being single....being with yourself and enjoying your own company is what it's about...these women come from a generation that encouraged young girls to get married and have babies...before they were even mature enough to do so...right out of high school.
Personally I don't believe they ever grew up...the sad thing is also that you believe it's ok...society dictates we have to be a couple to be successful and we do not...in order to be successful in life, you need to know yourself, and experience, your own dreams...I can't make you happy...if your not happy already...
there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a couple, but before one can experience that kind of bond, one must be alone for a while, otherwise, we couple-up for all the wrong reasons....
These older woman had lost their husbands, of 20 - 40 years...one of them was dating someone, and she smothered him so much, he broke it off with her...and she is smothering, to the point of overstepping the personal boundaries of another, even her girlfriends.
Why would you think it's "ok" for a single woman to become desperate? To me, that shows a significant weakness and lack of understanding of the importance of her own individuality, which presents a danger, that they would accept anyone just to be with someone.
it isn't anyone else's job to make you, them or me happy, if your not happy with yourself...you need to sit alone, for a while and contemplate your soul, allowing the significant part of you, to be seen and heard, and once you are comfortable with yourself, you then know what it is that makes you happy....resulting in a wiser choice for a mate.
Why would you think it's "ok" for a single woman to become desperate? To me, that shows a significant weakness and lack of understanding of the importance of her own individuality, which presents a danger, that they would accept anyone just to be with someone.
it isn't anyone else's job to make you, them or me happy, if your not happy with yourself...you need to sit alone, for a while and contemplate your soul, allowing the significant part of you, to be seen and heard, and once you are comfortable with yourself, you then know what it is that makes you happy....resulting in a wiser choice for a mate.
Soooo...13 pages of us giving fake advice? Oh. Alrighty then.
And a hint...you want to ask a SUCCESSFUL fisherman. Putting a line in the water doesn't mean a thing.
I was actually thinking about this, this morning.
Maybe more accurate, observe the life of a fisherman you believe to be successful, for a minute. That is what my boyfriend did, which kept him from becoming overly bitter and angry despite a lifetime of solitude. He made friends with guys who (at first glance) seemed "successful with women." And watched. And realized he wasn't missing out on anything he actually wanted.
Because here's the thing...PEOPLE with loads of "options"...as we have talked about in context of women being able to "get" sex so easily, yeah but what is the quality like?? So boyfriend had a roommate who was a singer in a local band, was charismatic, tall, fit, all things my guy thought he envied, and he was getting sex with lots of pretty women, also a thing my boyfriend thought he envied. Until he lived in the same place for a few years. Because the women that dude was bringing home were, to try and be polite...makers of questionable choices. They had drug issues, drinking issues, were nagging, screaming, destructive, dramatic. THAT is what that guy was inviting into his life. He was not getting lots of nurturing, fulfilling relationships. He was getting lots of headaches and problems. One of these women destroyed his car at 3AM and had to be dragged off by the cops.
So when the odds are good, chances are, the goods are odd. Be careful what you wish for, and all that.
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Originally Posted by SeaOfGrass
Homina, I'm so sick of all these threads, whether they're men against women, or women against men. It's ugly, disheartening, and completely fruitless. I've posted before that this forum could really be helpful if there were real problems posted. But, seriously, I think it's very rare that any of them are for real. I think most of them are people posting as the opposite sex in order to run the opposite sex down in some way (and somehow give themselves power, I guess). They're acting as a-holes, but it's still sad, like it's all they have.
I think members here can see who are helpful and who are not.
As a regular poster here for years, the problem I've found with ^this...is that if you ask for advice in certain areas of this site, this being one of them (but some being worse) you will often have at least some posters pretty much tearing into you in hurtful ways. I've learned that I'd rather not share any actual problems or concerns I'm struggling with in my relationship here. Because if I have something like that in my mind, I'm often feeling kind of sensitive and vulnerable. You come in here and make yourself sensitive and vulnerable, you're bound to have some who just want to jab at you. They seem to find it fun. I'm not trying to make trollbait of myself.
It's far easier to discuss things in generalities than it is to "ask questions" for real personal advice. To have conversations from an intellectual perspective. The personal things I do share...I'm pretty bulletproof about. I have no shame, vulnerability, or sensitivity about them, whether anyone thinks I ought to or not.
Homina, I'm so sick of all these threads, whether they're men against women, or women against men. It's ugly, disheartening, and completely fruitless. I've posted before that this forum could really be helpful if there were real problems posted. But, seriously, I think it's very rare that any of them are for real. I think most of them are people posting as the opposite sex in order to run the opposite sex down in some way (and somehow give themselves power, I guess). They're acting as a-holes, but it's still sad, like it's all they have.
I think members here can see who are helpful and who are not.
Just the other day, a poster made a snarky comment questioning the discussion in what actually did appear to be a "real" thread. I responded and explained my views about it. A page or two later they reiterated the same, almost identical, nasty comment. Like it didn't stir people up enough the first time, so they tried it again. Not even listening to others' posts. Ridiculous. I just internally sighed and ignored them. Par for the course.
I think people generally “listen” to what people post, however what is “heard” isn’t what people want to engage with.
Lots of posters come here with their own agenda attached and will curve anything they can to fit within their own parameters. Condiesention and the tone of “better than” are rampant in many responses and replies. Instead of taking face value people mold others in to their own ideal and reject everything else surrounding. You can’t really get specific or you’ll be picked a a part, you can’t really get general or because it’s to surface level to actually be worthwhile.
Often times people will be saying the same things in different ways, but instead of taking the time to realize this they become fixated on the way it has been said or conveyed resulting in chaos and ego.
That’s the internet though...not much you can do about to.
Last edited by rego00123; 04-01-2019 at 01:43 PM..
Maybe I'm missing something, but I thought the tone and content of this thread was fairly mild in comparison to some others, which is why I decided to post. I don't get a sense of there being any personal attacks or deliberate, nasty gender bashing.
In the Relationships subforum, when appropriate, I comment honestly based on my experiences, good and bad, dating men, because I date men. If I dated women, I'd comment on those experiences, good and bad. I certainly don't believe women are above behaving badly.
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