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1. Political talk too soon. I had a first date with a guy a couple of years ago, and one of his first questions was, "Are you a liberal?" (he wasn't). First, that's none of his business at that stage of the game. Second, there's a certain spirit that would feel the need to ask that kind of question so soon that told me he was probably a very inflexible person.
2. Asking other inappropriate or too-personal questions. On another first date with a different guy, I told him what I did for a living, and he then asked me how much money I made. No joke. I was astounded at the rudeness.
3. Talking very negatively about an ex, or exes during the first couple of dates. At our age, we all have some "baggage," so there's nothing special about what he has gone through. More important, by saying such horrible things about his ex-wife (or ONE of his ex-wives), he reveals his own ugliness.
4. Monopolizing the conversation and talking almost exclusively about himself. This is the most common mistake men make, IMO. In fact, I'd go as far to say that the vast majority of men I've met since being back in the dating world are guilty of this, for whatever reason.
Well, OLD *should* get #1 and #2 out of the way before you actually meet. If I went back on the market, yeah, I would be screening for political compatibility, similar overall level of education and attainment, etc. using OLD. I would think that most people would use OLD if they are looking for something specific in the people they want to date - child free, into games, likes outdoors, stadium sports, etc.
#3 and #4 are very valid points. Guys, just shut up about your ex already. Don't monopolize the conversation. Matter of fact, don't be monopolizing the conversation in non-romantic parts of your life, either.
I just think people just meeting should enjoy the moment and allow yourself to have a decent time and not let the clouds of the past rain on you...
a first date is like a personality interview.... the second date ….is a little bit more...and I believe its all about chemistry - chemistry is a gift...its unique between two people..
everyone likes norms and statistics...but we are all different...if a man is mature he will treat a lady with respect... its not about him....
I would think that ladies that have been divorced or in a few relationships could spot the red flags from a mile away ….
I wasn't going to reply because the thread asked specifically for ladies. But as a guy, I hate women that never shut the "f" up. My ex friend was like that. She always talked over me as if what she had to say was more important. That friendship ended. She actually wanted to date me, hell no! I don't even want to be your friend anymore, let alone date you.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 04-01-2019 at 06:04 PM..
I just think people just meeting should enjoy the moment and allow yourself to have a decent time and not let the clouds of the past rain on you...
a first date is like a personality interview.... the second date ….is a little bit more...and I believe its all about chemistry - chemistry is a gift...its unique between two people..
everyone likes norms and statistics...but we are all different...if a man is mature he will treat a lady with respect... its not about him....
I would think that ladies that have been divorced or in a few relationships could spot the red flags from a mile away ….
yes, chemistry is a gift...what a nice perspective coming from a man....very few men view sex that way...but yes, it is truly a gift...meant to be....between two people...and yeah, then there is just sex, but if you happen to come across those inner spiritual feelings about someone, there is nothing else like it....actually sacred and I believe what God meant for us to experience.
Because here's the thing...PEOPLE with loads of "options"...as we have talked about in context of women being able to "get" sex so easily, yeah but what is the quality like?? So boyfriend had a roommate who was a singer in a local band, was charismatic, tall, fit, all things my guy thought he envied, and he was getting sex with lots of pretty women, also a thing my boyfriend thought he envied. Until he lived in the same place for a few years. Because the women that dude was bringing home were, to try and be polite...makers of questionable choices. They had drug issues, drinking issues, were nagging, screaming, destructive, dramatic. THAT is what that guy was inviting into his life.
That's pretty much how it's going to be for people who want sex every night and refuse to be choosy about who they bring home. Because a lot of people are sh*t. Actual good people who have morals and kindness and humor and are fun and attractive and actually feel the same way about you are few and far between. So it's safe to say that anyone getting laid by randoms on a regular basis is likely dealing with some drama. Either that or they're super famous or rich to the point where people just worship them and do whatever they want. Even they probably still up with stalkers and other drama.
Quote:
Originally Posted by M3 Mitch
Well, OLD *should* get #1 and #2 out of the way before you actually meet. If I went back on the market, yeah, I would be screening for political compatibility, similar overall level of education and attainment, etc. using OLD.
I will never understand why some people say not to talk about politics or other big issues. These are some of the most fundamental areas of compatibility between people. If someone likes the whole "opposites attract" thing and is looking for someone to have political debates with, that's cool. But I'd think they'd still be curious about the person's politics.
I just don't get the mentality that you should avoid big topics like religion, politics, kids etc on a first date. Why waste time? Why start to become attracted to someone and build a connection when there might be dealbreakers?
Not all dealbreakers are the sort of thing you can ask about prior to agreeing to a date. But this stuff is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by supermanpansy
I wasn't going to reply because the thread asked specifically for ladies. But as a guy, I hate women that never shut the "f" up. My ex friend was like that. She always talked over me as if what she had to say was more important.
This is a really good one. Interrupting. Total dealbreaker. We all do it once in a while on accident when we talk at the same time, or we're really passionate about a subject. But if someone does it more than once on a date, especially without saying "Oops sorry for interrupting" or something like that first, I'm out. I could never be in any sort of long-term relationship with a human who can't let me finish a sentence. And sadly, I find that this is a deeply ingrained bad habit that most people can't stop even if you point it out to them.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by That_One_Girl
I will never understand why some people say not to talk about politics or other big issues. These are some of the most fundamental areas of compatibility between people. If someone likes the whole "opposites attract" thing and is looking for someone to have political debates with, that's cool. But I'd think they'd still be curious about the person's politics.
I just don't get the mentality that you should avoid big topics like religion, politics, kids etc on a first date. Why waste time? Why start to become attracted to someone and build a connection when there might be dealbreakers?
Not all dealbreakers are the sort of thing you can ask about prior to agreeing to a date. But this stuff is.
If you avoid these issues, you're largely avoiding interesting conversation and relegated to small talk. Sounds like a cruddy date to me.
When people say "discuss politics" as a good or bad thing on an early date...
I think it would depend on how you view politics. I mean, worst case, if someone sets foot wrong by you in this regard, you do get to weed them out real fast. But like I don't think I'd be compatible with any of the people I have known who are extremely invested in a given party the way you might be for a religion or a favorite sports team or anything, where you just agree with literally everything they say and you truly believe your party is the one that's always right, and the opposing one is just pure stinkin' stupid or wrong, etc. That whole thing? Big huge turn off for me. But does that man a guy who feels that way ought to keep it on the down low and then bomb me with it later, like a bait & switch tactic? Oh please no. I'll be even more upset if I thought things were good and then found out you're incompatible for me in such a big way. Let's just get the unpleasantness over with and move on with our lives.
But a man need not be perfectly aligned with my political positions or beliefs to be a good fit for me. If he's open minded, willing to discuss various areas of concern...I can find SOME common ground with most of the old positions of political alignment (the 4, including Libertarianism and Socialism, not just the Left and Right.) I don't 100% always agree or support any one. I am one of those who needs a minute to think about things, and who researches candidates before voting. And I do vote in ALL elections, including local ones. I've voted for candidates of all sorts of parties before.
I guess I just don't care for zealotry whether political or religious in nature.
I would talk about politics or religion or sports, or whatever might come to mind. My views on those things are a significant part of who I am, and while I can't imagine flooding early conversations with those topics, I wouldn't avoid them, and I would likely steer some conversation that way fairly early on.
- Not confident
-Drink or smoke too much-
-Cheap restaurant on first date
-Didn't pay for me or payed but acted reluctant to pay
-Touchy
-Show sexual interest
-Ask questions but never talk about himself
-Talk too much but never ask questions
-Complaint about ex girlfriends
-Judge women with their age style height etc
I don't know, the politics one can be a bit scary. I've seen people get really weird once politics get mentioned.
I could handle it if a person doesn't agree with my views on something. I'm very much an "issues" type of guy, I'm not a Dem or a Repug, I don't care about those labels. Same sorta goes with "right" or "left" because like I said, I'm issues based.
If we can "agree to disagree" on a subject we can't see eye to eye on and each are respectful to each other about it it can probably work for me.
Seems like nowadays people don't "agree to disagree", they just tribe up and vilify the other side while sitting safety in their little echo chambers.
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