Do you consider an 11 year age gap big? (woman, husband, younger)
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In my personal experience when I was 22 and he was 35 it didn't seem to be. By the time I was 32 and he was 45 it became a problem because he literally decided to be old. Obviously everyone is different and you are as young as you feel/ act but in our case it became an issue because I was not ready for a rocking chair anytime soon while he was custom ordering one for himself. That wasn't our only issue but it became the last straw for me because if I was going to have to do things and live life on my own while he chose to sit home with his lap robe then I didn't need to have to deal with the rest of his crap either. Just to be clear there was nothing physically slowing him down, it was all in his head that "people my age don't act like that".
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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It's not the age difference that is so important....unless it's like 20 yrs or more. It's having things in common, having fun together, having chemistry, being able to talk about anything, feeling supported, mutual respect...& most of all...love.
My preferred range was 10-15 years. 12 seemed to be average. It wasn't an issue for me at all. I didn't really bother with men my age. I couldn't relate to the vast majority of them and we were in different life stages with such different backgrounds and priorities. I was coming out of a 10-year marriage in my late 20s and had three kids. I moved around a ton, experienced a lot, went through some serious life sht, when most mid-late 20s were still living the young professional-bachelor life. The majority of men 10+ years older had kids around the same age, were previously married and shared other experiences that come with that stage of life.
In the end, I married a never-married childless man who was "only" six years older than me.
Worth mentioning I guess...it seems like something of a factor anyhow...
My boyfriend and I at 60 and 40 respectively, part of the reason it works ok is that he is very young for his age. He even said it was one reason he couldn't really connect with women in his own age group, he didn't FEEL that old. He doesn't look that old, he looks like he's at least ten years younger. He doesn't feel that old physically because he's fairly healthy and active (despite having the occasional "old guy" health matter crop up, it's nothing that affects mobility or holds him back much...he just has to be seen by doctors a couple times a year, that sort of deal.) And he doesn't feel mentally old, because he has found a lot to love in popular culture throughout his lifetime and remains open minded to new books, TV, movies, music, and so on. He is not stagnant in his tastes and opinions. He continues to pursue learning.
I think that makes a huge difference.
Physically I suspect he'll be one like some older people I've known where they are young and fit and active until all of a sudden something happens and they aren't. A very abrupt change. My Stepmother's Dad was like that. I don't recall what exactly it was, but he had one of those big health catastrophes that just struck him...it was like he went into it young and came out of it old. I think he lived some 5-10 more years, but like even his hair went from mostly dark to white in a matter of months.
Truly it is the only part of being in an age gap relationship that is bittersweet. I finally found my Person, it feels like he is my perfect match. But we have what feels like so few precious years to enjoy one another, even in a best case scenario. I have so many dreams of things I would like to enjoy with him, and I'm still fighting to get my sons on their way as adults, so that we can do any of it together. But regardless, we find many ways to enjoy life together and neither of us would trade this for anything else we could have.
Worth mentioning I guess...it seems like something of a factor anyhow...
My boyfriend and I at 60 and 40 respectively, part of the reason it works ok is that he is very young for his age. He even said it was one reason he couldn't really connect with women in his own age group, he didn't FEEL that old. He doesn't look that old, he looks like he's at least ten years younger. He doesn't feel that old physically because he's fairly healthy and active (despite having the occasional "old guy" health matter crop up, it's nothing that affects mobility or holds him back much...he just has to be seen by doctors a couple times a year, that sort of deal.) And he doesn't feel mentally old, because he has found a lot to love in popular culture throughout his lifetime and remains open minded to new books, TV, movies, music, and so on. He is not stagnant in his tastes and opinions. He continues to pursue learning.
I think that makes a huge difference.
Physically I suspect he'll be one like some older people I've known where they are young and fit and active until all of a sudden something happens and they aren't. A very abrupt change. My Stepmother's Dad was like that. I don't recall what exactly it was, but he had one of those big health catastrophes that just struck him...it was like he went into it young and came out of it old. I think he lived some 5-10 more years, but like even his hair went from mostly dark to white in a matter of months.
Truly it is the only part of being in an age gap relationship that is bittersweet. I finally found my Person, it feels like he is my perfect match. But we have what feels like so few precious years to enjoy one another, even in a best case scenario. I have so many dreams of things I would like to enjoy with him, and I'm still fighting to get my sons on their way as adults, so that we can do any of it together. But regardless, we find many ways to enjoy life together and neither of us would trade this for anything else we could have.
Come back when he is 75 and you are 55. Your 20 year gap is nothing now, but it will become an issue later.
I am 77.
depends on the age of the two, if you have 43 and your partner 32 i don´t see as a big deal. If you have 32 and your partner 21 it could work but will be difficult.
Come back when he is 75 and you are 55. Your 20 year gap is nothing now, but it will become an issue later.
I am 77.
I think it's those middle years that are fine, the young side and the older side is where we can potentially have problems.
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