Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
-I'm slim 5.7ft tall
-Lots ppl say I'm beautiful looks like a model
-Kind to ppl
-Smart
-Generous
-Devoted
-Sometimes self centered towards guys
-I spend a lot of money
-Demanding to guys
-Love children, nice to family
-Fun
-I make 150kUSD per year
-I have a wealthy family
-I don't drink much and never smoke
-Mentaly weak and naive
-But independent not clingy
What do you guys think?
Is my expectation too high?
I think you need to grow up some more before you go down that path.
If you have a huge laundry list of "must haves", you obviously want to be in a relationship. People who are fine with being alone and don't want a relationship don't create these lists.
My point was, the women who were so picky that no one could come close to being their ideal partner were still looking later in life, when opportunities may not be as prevalent.
People have flaws, and while high standards are fine for moral and character issues, the OP's stringent requirements seem to be based mainly on looks and financial status.
There's a difference between wanting something and being open to something. It's also possible to want a relationship eventually but not right now. I'm not ready to give up my freedom, but that doesn't mean I can't ponder what I might want in a relationship in the future.
I agree that one shouldn't have standards based on looks, but people unfortunately do, and it seems to be a commonly accepted thing. I feel like women who judge based on height get a lot of crap for it, but I've known many guys who refused to date a black woman and thought that was normal behavior. So I don't know. I think using any of this as a reason not to date someone is really weird, but to each their own.
I think the best thing one can do is just envision the sort of person they want rather than focusing on dealbreakers or specifics. For example, rather than requiring an amount of income per year, one might say "I want him to live within his means and have plenty set aside for extras and luxuries."
Instead of "he must be six feet tall" one could say "I must feel safe and comfortable beside him."
For me, it's humor. So instead of saying "He must have this exact personality type I've been dreaming of my whole life" (I really have), I TRY to say "I am always laughing hysterically around him because he's so damn hilarious."
Because what if there's an even FUNNIER personality type I haven't met yet?
It's always good to be as non-limiting as possible, not only with love but with life overall. But there's still a way to envision and look for what you want while simultaneously not limiting yourself too much, I think.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
Exactly. That's why it's so sad that women refuse to date men under 6 feet tall. It's unrealistic. These women will likely be single forever. Particularly if they combine the 6 feet requirement with insisting the man earn a six figure income.
I agree the combo of those two could be tough. Finding a tall man isn't very hard in general. The last guy I dated was 6'2''. I've dated many men who were over 6 foot but none of them had money or many other good qualities OP would want lol...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
Why is it a woman can insist on a guy being over six feet but if a man says he wants a woman with huge ta ta's it's considered bad form. Lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moneymkt
or a woman who is thin
I don't think it is considered "bad form". Maybe if you're talking to the bitter person who was rejected, sure. But in general? Men want the type of women they want and that's okay. I don't really get it any more than I get women demanding to date tall men, but it is what it is. All is fair in love and war.
There's a difference between wanting something and being open to something. It's also possible to want a relationship eventually but not right now. I'm not ready to give up my freedom, but that doesn't mean I can't ponder what I might want in a relationship in the future.
I agree that one shouldn't have standards based on looks, but people unfortunately do, and it seems to be a commonly accepted thing. I feel like women who judge based on height get a lot of crap for it, but I've known many guys who refused to date a black woman and thought that was normal behavior. So I don't know. I think using any of this as a reason not to date someone is really weird, but to each their own.
I think the best thing one can do is just envision the sort of person they want rather than focusing on dealbreakers or specifics. For example, rather than requiring an amount of income per year, one might say "I want him to live within his means and have plenty set aside for extras and luxuries."
Instead of "he must be six feet tall" one could say "I must feel safe and comfortable beside him."
For me, it's humor. So instead of saying "He must have this exact personality type I've been dreaming of my whole life" (I really have), I TRY to say "I am always laughing hysterically around him because he's so damn hilarious."
Because what if there's an even FUNNIER personality type I haven't met yet?
It's always good to be as non-limiting as possible, not only with love but with life overall. But there's still a way to envision and look for what you want while simultaneously not limiting yourself too much, I think.
I agree the combo of those two could be tough. Finding a tall man isn't very hard in general. The last guy I dated was 6'2''. I've dated many men who were over 6 foot but none of them had money or many other good qualities OP would want lol...
I don't think it is considered "bad form". Maybe if you're talking to the bitter person who was rejected, sure. But in general? Men want the type of women they want and that's okay. I don't really get it any more than I get women demanding to date tall men, but it is what it is. All is fair in love and war.
Perception is reality, you have probably heard that phrase. As a man enjoyinging curvy large breasted women it seemed self indulgent and I felt shallow and like I wasn't being a good player, and in all fairness and in the interest of being honest maybe it was just me and not society at large, but whatever.
I'm not six tall and I know I won't make the cut for many women and that is really ok as I've done well with women. Lol, back in my prime I never chased women and was generally considered good looking, as I've been told. Not a brag but just relaying what I've heard my whole life. My point is is that I can it being rough for some guys that are on the shorter side and aren't handsome. Tallness whether men like it or not is a trait that gets listed by many many women. Not all of course but enough where I can see some guys getting hung up on it.
Perception is reality, you have probably heard that phrase. As a man enjoyinging curvy large breasted women it seemed self indulgent and I felt shallow and like I wasn't being a good player, and in all fairness and in the interest of being honest maybe it was just me and not society at large, but whatever.
I'm not six tall and I know I won't make the cut for many women and that is really ok as I've done well with women. Lol, back in my prime I never chased women and was generally considered good looking, as I've been told. Not a brag but just relaying what I've heard my whole life. My point is is that I can it being rough for some guys that are on the shorter side and aren't handsome. Tallness whether men like it or not is a trait that gets listed by many many women. Not all of course but enough where I can see some guys getting hung up on it.
Yeah, I mean, I can understand if she's a 5'8" tall woman herself, wanting taller, but if she's 5'0" and demands 6 feet tall...then that's shallow
Want what you want, doesn't mean you're going to get it. I believe if you are okay with that, then there's no problem. When people have standards and requirements, they should also understand there is no guarantee they'll find what they want. There is no guarantee regardless. We're living on "life's" terms, not ours.
However, I can understand people being highly selective or "picky." I read something in my leadership textbook called Bounded Rationality. Which means that given the limitations and costs of identifying all solutions and their corresponding information, people search not for optimal solutions but for a solution that will "satisfy" their needs. In other words, people accept what is good enough.
"Individuals are still intentionally rational in the sense that they remain goal oriented and choose what they perceive is best for themselves, but their rationality is "bounded" by human cognitive limits and emotions as well as the costs of gathering and processing information. Dating and marriage offer examples of bounded rationality. Instead of searching for the best, optimal partner in the world, we most often date and marry as a result of convenience and social networks. Dating continues until we find someone, who may not be the perfect partner but whose being -including flaws- captures our emotions and clouds our judgement. As evidenced by divorce rates, many people do not have a good track record in optimizing their marital partners."
In other words, lots of relationships are based in circumstance and necessary compromises. I think there is some truth to this. Sure you can grow to love this person, there are lots of loving relationships b/w two people who never thought they would be together in a million years. I think it really applies more so to people who have a clear vision of the perfect partner or a specific type. The kind of person I am, I don't have a "type" per se, but there are guys out there where there is higher chance of me being attracted to them than others.
Perception is reality, you have probably heard that phrase. As a man enjoyinging curvy large breasted women it seemed self indulgent and I felt shallow and like I wasn't being a good player, and in all fairness and in the interest of being honest maybe it was just me and not society at large, but whatever.
I'm not six tall and I know I won't make the cut for many women and that is really ok as I've done well with women. Lol, back in my prime I never chased women and was generally considered good looking, as I've been told. Not a brag but just relaying what I've heard my whole life. My point is is that I can it being rough for some guys that are on the shorter side and aren't handsome. Tallness whether men like it or not is a trait that gets listed by many many women. Not all of course but enough where I can see some guys getting hung up on it.
And, according to my tall woman friend, petite is often required by many men . . .
Last edited by Maddie104; 04-06-2019 at 05:21 PM..
"Individuals are still intentionally rational in the sense that they remain goal oriented and choose what they perceive is best for themselves, but their rationality is "bounded" by human cognitive limits and emotions as well as the costs of gathering and processing information. Dating and marriage offer examples of bounded rationality. Instead of searching for the best, optimal partner in the world, we most often date and marry as a result of convenience and social networks. Dating continues until we find someone, who may not be the perfect partner but whose being -including flaws- captures our emotions and clouds our judgement. As evidenced by divorce rates, many people do not have a good track record in optimizing their marital partners."
This is so true for most people and where I feel I'm an anomaly. I seem to be highly logical with the process of love. I notice other people are led by their emotions much more than I am.
I think it's a defense mechanism really... So many times I thought I should just accept a person, and then I was punished for it in the form of abuse, them being addicted to drugs and spending all our money, them cheating on me, etc.
I'm trying to work on letting go of the idea that only terrible men are attracted to me. Because I think in some ways, you simply won't fall in love if you're too logical like I am. Falling in love involves letting go and being free and being in the moment, and I just don't know how to do that after so many bad experiences.
Being single forever isn't a bad thing, but I also don't want to miss opportunities for happiness because I've built so many walls.
Anyway the point of this ramble is that perhaps some people who have a long list of difficult standards might simply be frightened of getting hurt again. That's not the only factor, because some issues of compatibility like religion/lifestyle/whether you want kids are definitely legit dealbreakers. But it's always good to pause and examine WHY you want what you want. I don't think I have crazy high standards anymore, but there was a time, right after my abusive ex, where I made my standards VERY high, even higher than OPs, and it was simply to keep ALL men away from me.
This is so true for most people and where I feel I'm an anomaly. I seem to be highly logical with the process of love. I notice other people are led by their emotions much more than I am.
I think it's a defense mechanism really... So many times I thought I should just accept a person, and then I was punished for it in the form of abuse, them being addicted to drugs and spending all our money, them cheating on me, etc.
I'm trying to work on letting go of the idea that only terrible men are attracted to me. Because I think in some ways, you simply won't fall in love if you're too logical like I am. Falling in love involves letting go and being free and being in the moment, and I just don't know how to do that after so many bad experiences.
Being single forever isn't a bad thing, but I also don't want to miss opportunities for happiness because I've built so many walls.
Anyway the point of this ramble is that perhaps some people who have a long list of difficult standards might simply be frightened of getting hurt again. That's not the only factor, because some issues of compatibility like religion/lifestyle/whether you want kids are definitely legit dealbreakers. But it's always good to pause and examine WHY you want what you want. I don't think I have crazy high standards anymore, but there was a time, right after my abusive ex, where I made my standards VERY high, even higher than OPs, and it was simply to keep ALL men away from me.
Just something to think about.
Hey, don't beat yourself up for feeling gun shy about putting your heart out there. Sometimes we don't know how a person is until we get to know them over time. Sometimes that process takes longer than others. I have often pondered the same things in the past. But I will say, I don't think people should be shamed or scrutinized for avoiding love out of fear or just not wanting to risk their emotional stability/sanity.
I think the reason why some people are so quick to call others weak, cowards, or delusional for trying to protect themselves, do so because they either had nothing but positive experiences, maybe more resilient, because they want to hope that fairytail love exists, and for more self interested folks, they may just want to have their own piece of you. If you give relationships a fair amount of tries, only to have people keep screwing up, and you decide you don't want to deal with it, that's your right as a person.
It's easy to tell those not to "give up," when they got lucky themselves. I think it's natural to be a little evasive or even to the point where you just absolutely refuse to risk it just for the sake of someone else having a piece of you. Just my random thoughts.
Hey, don't beat yourself up for feeling gun shy about putting your heart out there. Sometimes we don't know how a person is until we get to know them over time. Sometimes that process takes longer than others. I have often pondered the same things in the past. But I will say, I don't think people should be shamed or scrutinized for avoiding love out of fear or just not wanting to risk their emotional state/sanity.
I think the reason why some people are so quick to call others weak, cowards, or delusional for trying to protect themselves, do so because they either had nothing but positive experiences, maybe more resilient, because they want to hope that fairytail love exists, and for more self interested folks, they may just want to have their own piece of you. If you give relationships a fair amount of tries, only to have people keep screwing up, and you decide you don't want to deal with it, that's your right as a person.
It's easy to tell those not to "give up," when they got lucky themselves. I think it's natural to be a little evasive or even to the point where you just absolutely refuse to risk just for the sake of someone else having a piece of you. Just my random thoughts.
Thank you, and yes, at least for a while. I'm so glad I took this long break because I'm quite sure I'd have become a bitter, raging, highly unpleasant person had I continued dating after so many bad experiences. I really needed a long time to heal.
Moving forward, I'm trying to avoid unrealistic expectations. Not so much in my standard for each person I date but just in general. I'm sure I'll meet more jerks and narcissists and other bad people. I can't have this idea that because I was celibate and worked on myself for years, the next guy I date will be some prince charming. I know the universe doesn't reward good behavior like that. The next guy I meet could very well be another jerkoff.
BUT I do know that I now have the maturity and self-worth to walk away much easier than I did when I was young. I won't get pulled into another toxic relationship again. So I'm trying to remember that and let it temper the fear of getting hurt.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
