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I just turned 40 and I'm a regular here, if that counts? I mean, you did mention "forums." I'm not on dating sites anymore but I found it pretty entertaining for about 5 months, back in 2015, so at least I've got a clue as to how it is.
I don't feel too old for anything. But I am in a relationship and have never had any real difficulty finding someone to be with. Finding the best match for me? Well...yeah, that was a bit trickier, but it happened when I least expected it.
Which is a little bit the story of my life, I guess. When I was a teenager, I got tired of trying to be liked, so I gave up and became a dark and cynical goth girl who didn't give a flip about anybody...and suddenly I had a ton of friends. When I was a younger adult, after we moved to a new state, I looked for a job for about a year, struggling with temp work, and I finally gave up. Decided I'd just stay at home with my kids. Got a phone call on my birthday offering me an awesome job making more than I'd ever made before. And just when I was so sure that serious relationships, let alone marriage, was just not right for me, and I'd better just play casual but live solo...this amazing man showed up in my life. Funny how that can be, you know? It is when I not only gave up, but embraced the alternative, that unexpected blessings seemed to show up.
But anyhow. About being 40...
I figure, I probably have more and better sex, and sexy fun, than a whole lot of younger people. I'm thrilled to be me. Except when I had the flu. Then I was not so thrilled, nor so sexy. *shrug*
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,777,503 times
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Nope, never. Great stuff. Met so many more amazing people that are better fits for me in my late 30s and 40s thanks to OLD than I ever ever ever could have in my younger years.
Normally everyone has a long list of criteria for a potential partner, but he might need to make compromises. However, dating portals automatically make age the primary search criterium. So number matters more than everything else here and if your own number isnt as attractive anymore...
Another issue is the question, how old you really look and behave. If you look and behave older than your age anyway you might be quite happy to state that you are in fact only 40. In that case the number would be more positive than reality.
But what if you look or feel way younger and the numbes doesnt fit to you too much? Then this number is a huge burden.
(Btw. in europe there is a way to get an official younger age again. You need to throw away your passport and arrive as an illegal immigrant requesting asylum, then you can basically claim to be any age you want and then get that new identity).
Firstly, this forum is not a dating site. I know I don't come on here to get dates. I come on here to get away from it all.
But yes, in terms of my ideal, I definitely feel like that ship has sailed. I have already received my blessings, which have been many, unlike some others. Some people don't get even half of what I've gotten. I'm just thankful that I got to experience the good things that I have in life. Now it's someone else's turn.
Firstly, this forum is not a dating site. I know I don't come on here to get dates. I come on here to get away from it all.
But yes, in terms of my ideal, I definitely feel like that ship has sailed.
For me its this. While getting a divorce at 40 might have been ideal to find someone, I had way too much going on and took years to get over it. At this point, I've missed it. I married the wrong woman and wasted the most desirable years of my life with her. What a mistake.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,777,503 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
For me its this. While getting a divorce at 40 might have been ideal to find someone, I had way too much going on and took years to get over it. At this point, I've missed it. I married the wrong woman and wasted the most desirable years of my life with her. What a mistake.
Your 20s or 30s whatever don't have to be your most desirable years. For me at least, they were my least desirable. I had a worse job. I was in worse shape. I hadn't completed my grad degree yet. These things are what we make of them. Outside of unavoidable health issues, they are largely (not entirely) in our control.
But having regret, while somewhat natural, doesn't really help you. Let it go. We all made mistakes. Carpe diem!
Last edited by timberline742; 04-04-2019 at 07:02 AM..
My forties were some of the best years of my life. My kids were grown up, I knew myself better, and had some wisdom I didn't have when I was younger. I think all of those things would be an asset to anyone really looking for a partner instead of just a hookup, and you would have more experience to share on a forum.
Looks like op's gone of into the wild blue but anyway . sure others will get something from the thread.
But sadly yeah l sure did feel weird when my marriage broke up and being single again . As for date sites, they weren't around before l got married so it was even weirder.
lt wasn't that l felt too old 40s are prime far as l'm concerned. But to be out there again after all those years and life and family , marriage, that's what felt very very fkd up and depressing for me.
And also seeing all the other people out there and going through same thing , similar ages , the whole new beginning starting over thing , just felt really really off.
Took me a few years to come to terms with it all in that way.
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