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I'm not attacking you. I'm just curious if you've ever been in a relationship. The advice you're giving this guy will likely result in a divorce if he follows it.
No, it won't. He also shouldn't spend his life being a "yes" man, and making himself unhappy in the process either. Sometimes, you have to stand your ground. Trust me, she doesn't want to be married to a "yes man" spineless wuss either.
And if she would divorce him for that, then honestly he is better off without her. Would you want to be married to a control freak dictator trying to treat you like a little boy.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 04-25-2019 at 05:58 PM..
Compromise could be as simple as making a trade. Is there something your wife wants that she doesn’t have? Maybe you can pay for a mani/pedi every so often or a gym membership. In exchange, you can smoke a bowl one a week.
I’m not a smoker but as long as it does not affect someone’s professional or domestic effectiveness, it’s not a big deal. It’s not as harmful as alcohol. Your wife takes brain meds and drinks. That’s much worse.
I agree with pansy man that once in awhile you have to stand up for yourself. Don’t make a big deal of it. Just step outside, light up, come back in, and watch tv. If your wife complains, tell her it makes you feel better.
I believe, the wife’s main concern is that he’ll turn into a big time stoner eating 4 packs of ramen and passing out on the couch on a daily basis. OP admits he does space out when high. Wife also complains he isn’t himself. I mean who is when they’re high? Lol
If that's honestly the case, then he could reassure her that that wouldn't happen. And if he brakes his promise, then he'd quit.
But it sounds very controlling from her if he admitted to just a couple of times a month. I'm sure she's not entirely herself when she' s depressed for a good portion of the time. But he seems to adjust to all of her "moods", for lack of a better word, when they happen.
He probably could use some "guy" time by the sounds of it. And she could probably use some "female" time. It sounds like they could use a bit of a break. It sounds like they are always around each other. That can cause problems, married or not.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 04-25-2019 at 06:00 PM..
Could use some marriage advice here, I’ll try and be brief. Recreational use of cannabis was recently legalized where I live. I previously used it a bit in college ~15 years ago and hadn’t touched it since. My wife never tried it back then. After legalization, she was interested in giving it a shot. A few months ago we tried it together a few times. She didn’t care for the effects and decided it wasn’t for her. I, on the other hand, really enjoy it.
Since then I have been indulging, but I limit myself to about once per week. She recently told me that my using it bothers her. She couldn’t point to any specific reason why, other than saying I don't seem to be the person she is used to when I use it. My personality doesn’t change that much, it mostly just mellows me out, so I might be a bit less talkative. I’ve come to enjoy it on a Friday night, it helps me to unwind after a long week. Also, I mentioned to her that she doesn't have any issue with me having a buzz from a few beers, and she simply said that she has always known me when I'm like that.
I’m now at a point where I don’t know what to do. Truthfully I don’t want to stop because as I said, I really like it. I am now also afraid that whenever I partake, she will be annoyed with me which will ruin both of our evenings. I also fear resenting her if I give it up simply because my moderate use bothers her. It does also bother me that she is the one who insisted we try it in the first place. Doing it when she’s not around isn’t really an option. We are sort of in a hermit phase of life, we really never spend an evening apart.
I really wish she could just see this from my perspective. I enjoy the relaxed feeling it provides me, and I'll never let my use get out of hand. If I were doing it every night I could see her point.
For the record she isn’t morally against it or anything like that. We both consume alcohol on a regular basis, and always have.
What am I to do?
If my husband decided to smoke weed once a week or once a month, it is relationship deal breaker for me. She was open-minded and gave it a try. She discovered the hype over it is not worth it and not her thing. She never thought you would get addicted to it and she doesn't like it as this was not part of the deal of this relationship.
I think you prefer weed over your wife, because you enjoy it more then her company. I think with the original post, you answered your own question.
Like I said before, I don't use marijuana. I had only smoked it maybe 10 times in my life and the last time was about 10 years ago. It wasn't legal then and you never knew what you were getting. It could be laced. And you didn't know the THC to CBD ratio.
I have done my research. While I don't use it. It is legal recreationaly in my state. I went to a dispensery and got some edibles about a month ago. This was a one time thing. Or actually a 3 time thing, since that how many times I used them till they were gone.
Marijuana does make you more in your head, than alcohol. But I find that to be a good thing. Maybe not if someone wants to socialize with you. But you don't get angry or violent. I have never gotten into physical fights while drinking, but alcohol can cause some drama at least. You don't tend to say things you will regret on weed. Or do things you regret. And there isn't a hangover from what I can tell. Also if you use marijuana and drink, you will drink less.
So to sum this up, no you won't be the life of the party if using marijuana, but you also won't do as many things that you wouldn't do while sober. You won't have the lack of inhibition or impulsivity. That on top of the fact that it does less physical harm, are why I think it's a better choice for some people at least. Some people on this thread, don't seem to care that the OP is drinking, but have a problem with the weed. That's why I am explaining why I don't think that should be.
If my husband decided to smoke weed once a week or once a month, it is relationship deal breaker for me. She was open-minded and gave it a try. She discovered the hype over it is not worth it and not her thing. She never thought you would get addicted to it and she doesn't like it as this was not part of the deal of this relationship.
I think you prefer weed over your wife, because you enjoy it more then her company. I think with the original post, you answered your own question.
Do you have an issue with the wife drinking beer? Does she not like his company enough to watch TV without beer? Alcohol is as much or more intoxicating than weed. Neither seems to want to watch TV on friday night sober. People only have an issue if they are using weed or alcohol. Do you suggest they both must not use alcohol or weed ever?
I'm curious if anyone else has dealt with a similar issue, from either side. How did you overcome the situation? Is there an actual compromise to be made here? Therein lies the problem, it seems like one of us will get exactly what they want, while the other gets nothing they desire from the situation. As BirdieBell mentioned, it is a no-win situation.
Simple: It was the straw that broke the camel's back: I DIVORCED HIM.
The marriage had been slowly disintegrating for years. He was a functioning alcoholic (buying nips every night and drinking them on his commute back from work--among other things) He was a good provider with a fragile ego, and I was tired of walking on eggshells for him. I eventually shut him out completely. However, I could not justify divorcing him, and breaking up the family--until I found him toking on our cabin balcony during a family cruise to the Bahamas (note that it was also illegal in our state) That's when I knew it was time to give him the boot. What really p*ssed me off was when he borrowed my car, and took it to a local park to smoke.
I am not necessarily opposed to pot per se, but I do not want it in my house, especially if it's illegal. I absolutely abhor smoking of any sort--cigarettes, cigars, etc.--these are all deal breakers with me.
You and your wife need counseling to get over this.
Simple: It was the straw that broke the camel's back: I DIVORCED HIM.
The marriage had been slowly disintegrating for years. He was a functioning alcoholic (buying nips every night and drinking them on his commute back from work--among other things) He was a good provider with a fragile ego, and I was tired of walking on eggshells for him. I eventually shut him out completely. However, I could not justify divorcing him, and breaking up the family--until I found him toking on our cabin balcony during a family cruise to the Bahamas (note that it was also illegal in our state) That's when I knew it was time to give him the boot. What really p*ssed me off was when he borrowed my car, and took it to a local park to smoke.
I am not necessarily opposed to pot per se, but I do not want it in my house, especially if it's illegal. I absolutely abhor smoking of any sort--cigarettes, cigars, etc.--these are all deal breakers with me.
You and your wife need counseling to get over this.
I think that we are all jumping to conclusions about the wife. The wife never said that she would leave him over it. Furthermore, I'm not sure that he was given an ultimatum either. Let's all pump the breaks a bit.
It could be that she's slightly annoyed. It could be that they come to a compromise. It could be that UFO's take over tomorrow. Nothing as extreme as divorce has been mentioned. Anything outside of what we actually know, we are all just speculating. Perhaps, she's a bit more level headed than some of us CD'ers.
Last edited by supermanpansy; 04-25-2019 at 07:04 PM..
Heck, tell her if she doesn’t like it, she can raise the kids and you’ll send her a check once a month.
I going to guess this is humor.
I couldn't agree more with other posters who've said alcohol is worse than pot. It's far worse. I smoke weed very occasionally, and I'd likely be a frequent partaker if I didn't currently live in a very conservative state where pot is illegal. I also have 3 young adult kids, 2 of whom I know smoke/have smoked pot. I'd rather they do that than drink.
But I also agree with hawaiiancoconut who said that maybe the wife is afraid he'll turn into a pot head. Maybe the wife is a little controlling, but, then again, we don't know what the OP is like when he's high.
In any case, I don't think pot is an issue to break up over when there's kids involved, and I say that as a divorced mom.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 04-25-2019 at 07:52 PM..
I think you should do it if you want. She can't expect a person to stay exactly the same for that long. People develop new habits, hobbies, interests, etc. There's nothing wrong with that.
If she doesn't like the way it makes you act, then have some alone time, get high and do something you enjoy. Couples should have time apart from each other anyway.
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I going to guess this is humor. 
