Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
He's asking to be on this journey with you. It's outcomes could significantly impact him and your children. You should have made room for him to support you, imo. I'm pretty happily single, but I do know this is the kind of thing married people do for each other. He was justifiably anxious, and you made moves to keep him in the dark or control the flow of information to him. He NEEDS to know what's going on. You two have opted to join your lives together and you are both responsible for the welfare of three more human beings - you need to learn how to act like it. Your health is not really your own private business now. It affects other lives.
i'm not saying hubs should be there for every pap smear, but for the important stuff, if he wants to be there, you should let him. You're acting like I do and going it alone, but you kinda gave up that option when you brought another person as a partner into your life and opted to have 3 kids.
Apologize and include him going forward. And keep in mind that it's not just about you anymore.
My friend's parents made unilateral decisions about their health all through their lives. Now they are both severely physically degenerated and the burden falls on my friend. She is destroying herself physically and financially to keep up with their care, while working a full-time job and while they're guilting her into waiting on them hand and foot. It's a terrible situation, and all of her friends are horrified. The blowback from any health problems you develop will fall primarily on your husband. You should include him on the big stuff.
OP, I'm on your side. I'm the same way. I prefer to go to appointments like that on my own. It has nothing to do with how much I love/trust my DH. A visit like this is No Big Deal, and I prefer to not make it a big deal. I don't need supporting for a heart check. I'm not going to burst into tears at the words "heart murmur." And I don't particularly want the medical staff thinking I'm a delicate flower who needs her man at a stinking doctor's appointment. Save the support for serious stuff -- really serious stuff. I have never had a DH come with me to a doctor's appt.
And I understand that his repeated protestations were annoying, but your response a little harsh. I think you should apologize but explain your reasoning. Let him know you appreciate his concern but will let him know when & where he should lean in. And apologize again.
I think the way you've handled this is really weird. You're married for 18 years and your spouse is concerned for your health and well being and that upsets you!?!? That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard. It would make a lot more sense if you said he's totally not concerned at all and brushed it off like it was a routine dental cleaning or something and that was the behavior that upset you. Do you understand the concept of a partnership? Because for someone who has been married as long as you have, you sure seem to not have any idea what it means.
My question is why is your husband of 18 years and father to your 3 kids not supposed to go to the DRs with you? If I had to go to 8 straight weeks of 2 hour sessions on a Saturday for alternative birthing techniques and almost every single important baby appointment then I don’t think it’s too much to drag your hubby to one DR appt.
He also may be making last minute modifications to life insurance policies to avoid a pre-existing conditions clause.
Is he supposed to go with her to every medical appointment she has? Gyno? Yearly checkups? This was a minor appointment,not open heart surgery or one where they expect her to be diagnosed with cancer.
Making last-minute modifications to life insurance policies????? She was diagnosed with a heart murmur; she wasn't told she's dead next week so he'd better start planning to cash in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatzPaw
I didn't see anything that indicated he was "angrily pushing his way or else." I didn't see any "demanding" in what OP said of her husband.
Look, I wouldn't want someone "demanding" things be done his way either. I sure didn't read that in the OP. I don't want someone following me around all the time either and having to know my every thought.
But a spouse that is (however imperfectly) indicating concern for his wife? Just reject it gruffly because he's bugging you? Consider it an "intrusion"?
Whatever is going on, the main issue is that they seem to have some communication problems.
But obviously, some see it differently.
He indicated concern. She indicated that concern was not necessary. He kept pushing the issue anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by skaternum
OP, I'm on your side. I'm the same way. I prefer to go to appointments like that on my own. It has nothing to do with how much I love/trust my DH. A visit like this is No Big Deal, and I prefer to not make it a big deal. I don't need supporting for a heart check. I'm not going to burst into tears at the words "heart murmur." And I don't particularly want the medical staff thinking I'm a delicate flower who needs her man at a stinking doctor's appointment. Save the support for serious stuff -- really serious stuff. I have never had a DH come with me to a doctor's appt.
And I understand that his repeated protestations were annoying, but your response a little harsh. I think you should apologize but explain your reasoning. Let him know you appreciate his concern but will let him know when & where he should lean in. And apologize again.
This. Precisely. He's making a mountain out of a molehill. What on earth happened at this appointment? I assume it was, OP goes in, doctor asks some questions, does some listening, maybe a stress test. Big deal. If he is this worried about something so simple, what's he going to be like if something actually happens??
DSIL - dear son-in-law
DILs - dear in-laws
du = due (new one to me, just learned it - hate it, will never use it)
2 = too, to, two
ETC
It came about with the texting phones many years ago and for people who do not have better than average typing skills. For me, using the abbreviations takes longer than typing out exactly what I intend to say but speed isn't always the issue, characters permitted is also a consideration.
Back on topic, OP, I think you were wrong to exclude your husband. I'm sure he had concerns - valid concerns - and to make him sit at home waiting for the "verdict" was excluding. A good relationship takes 2 people considering the other in all things. I'm not saying he was right to keep pushing, you were both wrong.
I drive and my husband does not; so generally I go alone to most of my appointments; he does not as someone has to drive. There have been a few instances where I've gone into the office with him, over his objections. That is partly my responsibility to make sure he is getting his needs met by medical professionals and partly it's my own need - to know. I do not have to be sitting there during the actual exam, but the doctor needs to know to include me in the discussion afterwards. Sometimes, and this may have been in the back of your husband's mind: when people are being given information that evokes negative emotions, they don't get all the details. That is not just my personal experience; it is fact. I would not have excluded my husband - and when faced with a similar situation concerning my heart, I gave him the option of coming with or promising to call him when over and I got the Dx in writing. I also have a genetic issue with my heart that was unknown for many years.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
