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Also, also: WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR HUSBAND AND HOW DOES HE FEEL ABOUT THIS?!
Did it ever OCCUR to you that there is no husband???
Hot damn... see, this is why I stay single, so I don't have to deal with this garbage. My bills are paid every month, my name stands alone on my apartment lease (unlike yours, your name isn't even on the deed to the house he bought for you, is it?), and I don't have to deal with someone bald-faced lying to me on a daily basis. Nor would I be putting up with that, either. If you don't put your foot down, hard, on that the 1st time it happens, it only gets worse later on.
I think he's lied to me on another instance but I'm really not sure. He told me she was coming to town and said that he wanted me to meet he because "if you knew her, you would like her" and I agreed. However, when I followed up a week layer he said that she was here but he didn't see her. But then she told me that she met him to tell him she was engaged and they had lunch. IDK if that was the previous "friend" lunch time though.
So we've clearly established that he lies to you about seeing her and that SHE is the priority in his life. He doen't treat you like a partner. So ... what are YOU going to do about it? You've already shown that you have no backbone by issuing an ultimatum that you wouldn't follow through on.
Either dig up your self respect and leave him, or suck it up and accept being second. You cannot change him or the circumstances.
The vindictive part of me wanted to tell her husband and blow her crap up too but I'd feel mighty stupid if he already knew and was okay with it. I am ready to be out of this mess and get some quality sleep for the first time in a while. They all deserve each other.
Stick to your plan. Find a new home for yourself & your kids. He is just messing with you.
Thank you all for your general consensus on what I've already suspected and believe. I absolutely was not ready to give in until this break and now that I haven't been seeing him every day, I've been seeing things a lot better. There really is only one option and it's going to suck for me and the kids.
The "best friends with the ex" thing I have no problems with.
I am still best friends with an ex from 30 years ago, we couldn't make it work as a couple but we had a solid friendship.
I know others who have similar situations...
Doesn't make it right though. NO ONE should be the priority over one's supposed love of their life. I don't care if someone's been friends w/ someone for 50 yrs. IF that "friendship" makes the spouse uncomfortable, then that's a problem (because you can't let the friend go) & the longtime friend needs to be dropped.
Even in our marriage vows, that statement that says "forsaking ALL others" means just that...ALL others. Not one's mother, father, neighbor, "longtime friend", joe schmo down the street, etc. should be over the person someone gets married to.
If someone's that good a friend, those 2 should get married then. If you're actually lucky (in your opinion) to find a wife/spouse who puts up w/ a long-time friendship it's only because they're putting up w/ it, but it's not their choice & most people don't want that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. In-Between
This is confusing, because some of the ways that he's reaching out to your kids is, frankly, kind of cool. So that part doesn't really fit...
He's seemingly treating her kids better than her because it's all for show...to hold on her by a thread, to keep that carrot dangling in front of her nose so she can think, "oh, but he's great to my kids, so I guess I'll hold on here." Oh please, dump him like the stinky, waste-of-space, sack of $H!t that he is!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan
You ought to be able to figure this one out. You really want to stay in this mess??
And you are immature. Never give an ultimatum that you aren't willing to step up and carry out when the time comes. The fact that you are still in this situation tells it all. A real woman would pick up and leave the relationship, especially considering there are children involved.
ABSOLUTELY!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ContraPagan
Did it ever OCCUR to you that there is no husband???
Hot damn... see, this is why I stay single, so I don't have to deal with this garbage. My bills are paid every month, my name stands alone on my apartment lease (unlike yours, your name isn't even on the deed to the house he bought for you, is it?), and I don't have to deal with someone bald-faced lying to me on a daily basis. Nor would I be putting up with that, either. If you don't put your foot down, hard, on that the 1st time it happens, it only gets worse later on.
YES! Apparently the OP doesn't think enough to know that he can kick her & the kids out on her @sS any day of the week at 1am if he feels like it & then where's she going to go?! I dont' know how she can lay her head at night every night w/ that kind of unstable uncertainty since his name's the only one on the deed. It's like letting the insane people run the asylum.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sun_spent26
Thank you all for your general consensus on what I've already suspected and believe. I absolutely was not ready to give in until this break and now that I haven't been seeing him every day, I've been seeing things a lot better. There really is only one option and it's going to suck for me and the kids.
The part I bolded that you said...it shouldn't "suck". Why are you acting like you're losing the greatest most generous man alive & you & your kids are going to be lost in this whole wide world without him?! This is getting extremely stupid here on YOUR part w/ your mindest about all this. It should NOT seem like pulling teeth to want to leave this evil monster. You should be glad to zip out of there in a flash.
I've been reading your situation to my SO & he says he's probably f'ing her right now. You're teaching your kids to stay w/ losers & to have no mind of their own too when they get older. No one here feels sorry for you because you're not being a WHOLE LOT smarter than this & you're actually putting your kids in danger here...up until just the lousy last week that you're w/ your family here.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 05-11-2019 at 02:37 PM..
The part I bolded that you said...it shouldn't "suck". Why are you acting like you're losing the greatest most generous man alive & you & your kids are going to be lost in this whole wide world without him?! This is getting extremely stupid here on YOUR part w/ your mindest about all this. It should NOT seem like pulling teeth to want to leave this evil monster. You should be glad to zip out of there in a flash.
Geez, you're gonna have a stroke posting in this thread.
It sucks because they have to MOVE OUT.
It's obvious the OP has made her decision to leave him, so your pouring gas on everything doesn't do any good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue
I've been reading your situation to my SO & he says he's probably f'ing her right now. You're teaching your kids to stay w/ losers & to have no mind of their own too when they get older. No one here feels sorry for you because you're not being a WHOLE LOT smarter than this & you're actually putting your kids in danger here...up until just the lousy last week that you're w/ your family here.
^ Don't worry about me. You post what you want to & I post what I want to (w/o getting in trouble w/ a mod & not being too nasty of course). I'm good, that's what emojis are for...to express it while I stay perfectly calm.
I'm just typing here. The OP seems so nonchalant about it all..."yes, I guess I should think about this, I need time to think, I've had time to think, etc." Uh, just dump him. She should be glad to move out. She said she's taken care of herself before, so she can do it again & get an apt/house somewhere.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 05-11-2019 at 03:14 PM..
The bank account isn’t the issue.
You have other issues with them and how they interact together. The bank account is just a weird quirk in this, it’s not “the” issue
You don’t trust him. That’s all that matters.
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