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I've been with my bf about 2.5 yrs now. About 9 mos ago, I found out he still shared this with his ex of 5 yrs: same phone plan, Netflix, bank account. He took her off of Netflix and after fussing at him, got his own phone plan. However, he refuses to split the bank accounts. Last Nov, I gave him a 6 wk deadline to do so and by Christmas, he still had not texted her. After bringing it up again, he texted her but she never followed through and he never asked again. Fast forward to now and he still will not speak to her about it. He says that if she has no problem with it and neither does he, why is it my business. She says the same. The bank account lists her as the primary so she would have to initiate the split. They've been separated for 5 yrs and she got married last September. I feel like he's choosing her over me by keeping this very important tie to her. Am I wrong?
You're not wrong at all. What's their problem?! Everyone should want their names off everything the second they break up. She's married now & should have wanted him off RIGHT AFTER their split & I don't know why he's dragging his feet either. If they still haven't done it after splitting up 5 years ago, they'll never do it. I think people are getting dumber & dumber as time goes (NOT you).
I really don't know what you'd do in this situation other than giving him the ultimatum to break up w/ him.
I've tried the ultimatum thing and he has previously said that if I was going to be that "immature, insecure and unreasonable" that I can leave. He also says that I am not "mature enough" to handle their friendship. He has previously omitted things about their friendship. Ie: he went on a snowboarding trip to Denver (she lived there then) and told me he spent the day with "friends". On another instance, she came to town and they had lunch but he said he was having lunch with a "friend". Is it important to note that even though they are friends, he has never met her husband?
I've tried the ultimatum thing and he has previously said that if I was going to be that "immature, insecure and unreasonable" that I can leave. He also says that I am not "mature enough" to handle their friendship.
If nothing changed when the deadline passed on the ultimatum, then what you gave him was not an ultimatum. It was an empty threat.
Now, turning it around on you and calling you names is not exactly mature. And he's lying and covering things up? Why are you still together??
It's not that big of a hassle to remove him. So what is the reason they are giving for not doing it?
Do they still share funds? Does he access that account? Is he an active user?
It sounds like you don't trust him. And if he is more afraid for whatever reason of pushing the point with her than he is of upsetting you, he is favoring her over you.
There has never been a solid reason given. He says that they don't share the money in it. He also says that she cannot see his activity but he can see hers (not the case). Both of their payroll checks still go in there.
The lack of trust stems from the consistent omissions of the extent of their current relationship. She has been given no boundaries: texts as late as 1am or as early as 7am, he showed her pictures of our new home before be even showed me. Petty but: she sent him a new phone case and he lied that he got it himself. She also constantly sends old picturesof him with captions like: "this is my favorite picture of you (heart eye emoji)". He was topless in a pool.
The lack of trust stems from the consistent omissions of the extent of their current relationship. She has been given no boundaries: texts as late as 1am or as early as 7am, he showed her pictures of our new home before be even showed me. Petty but: she sent him a new phone case and he lied that he got it himself. She also constantly sends old picturesof him with captions like: "this is my favorite picture of you (heart eye emoji)". He was topless in a pool.
So why do you still let him come around?
Sounds like you need to give an actual ultimatum this time.
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