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Old 05-12-2019, 06:43 AM
 
Location: around
681 posts, read 236,134 times
Reputation: 607

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Hi people.
l have a very good friend, 62. He was married 40 yrs, very unhappily.
3 years ago he went away on his own for a month and met someone. They spent that month together fell in love but never saw each other again until 2mths ago.
They kept in touch up and down on and off but feelings remained right through.
5mths ago he divorced and his w moved out of their home they'd had that 40yrs and now lives 20mins away.
2 mths ago , the gf moved 3,000kl and into his family home. They'd only just started talking again a few mths before and had only ever had that 1 mth together 3yrs ago. That;s it.

l tried asking him to just take some time out first, his marriage was rough and his whole adult life, family, he's health took a dive and although he shrugs it off the divorce must be huge .
Really , he doesn't even know the gf , maybe they could find a way to get to know each other a bit first but, in she goes, no time and already she's completely remodeling the whole family home, with his money . l mean he says they still feel exactly the same so why waste time.
Well maybe , but l know what he's been through last 7 or 8 yrs and now all this in only 6mths, and if it blows up, which personally l think is highly possible . l'd be real worried he couldn't take it.

He's older than me so l don't wanna sound like he doesn't know what he's doin but ya know , he doesn't even know her.
l can only say no more now though l guess and just hope it all works out for him.
What do you think the odds are with something like this .
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Old 05-12-2019, 09:02 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,707 posts, read 70,554,766 times
Reputation: 76653
I'm in agreement with you. You've said it all; there's nothing more to say, except---what's done is done, now. Yeah, bad idea. But there it is. All you can do at this point, is suggest he not marry her, until he's taken at least a year or two to get to know her better. He needs to give her time to show her bad side, if she has one. She may not.

Poor guy. Sounds like he's been through a lot. He's impatient for his turn to enjoy life.
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Old 05-12-2019, 09:49 AM
 
12 posts, read 2,505 times
Reputation: 15
You are totally right, I doubt that he will listen your advice but don't give up with telling him every time to not hurry with a marriage. While time is passing, he will figure out what is the real personality of the woman, I hope that there won't be something new to discover.
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Old 05-12-2019, 10:08 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,634 posts, read 4,878,034 times
Reputation: 12528
Realistically we cannot determine the length of time someone's relationship will last. Most of them don't last and some of them do. It could go either way. Just have to let him live his life and do his thing.
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Old 05-12-2019, 01:41 PM
 
12,339 posts, read 13,576,420 times
Reputation: 14337
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawk101 View Post
Hi people.
l have a very good friend, 62. He was married 40 yrs, very unhappily.
3 years ago he went away on his own for a month and met someone. They spent that month together fell in love but never saw each other again until 2mths ago.
They kept in touch up and down on and off but feelings remained right through.
5mths ago he divorced and his w moved out of their home they'd had that 40yrs and now lives 20mins away.
2 mths ago , the gf moved 3,000kl and into his family home. They'd only just started talking again a few mths before and had only ever had that 1 mth together 3yrs ago. That;s it.

l tried asking him to just take some time out first, his marriage was rough and his whole adult life, family, he's health took a dive and although he shrugs it off the divorce must be huge .
Really , he doesn't even know the gf , maybe they could find a way to get to know each other a bit first but, in she goes, no time and already she's completely remodeling the whole family home, with his money . l mean he says they still feel exactly the same so why waste time.
Well maybe , but l know what he's been through last 7 or 8 yrs and now all this in only 6mths, and if it blows up, which personally l think is highly possible . l'd be real worried he couldn't take it.

He's older than me so l don't wanna sound like he doesn't know what he's doin but ya know , he doesn't even know her.
l can only say no more now though l guess and just hope it all works out for him.
What do you think the odds are with something like this .
What do you care?
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Old 05-12-2019, 01:43 PM
 
Location: In Sticky San Antonio TX
1,437 posts, read 2,555,552 times
Reputation: 1740
From his experience, he is devoted, loving, and supportive. That worked with a negative person for 40 years. In his day, they typically met and married within a 6 month time frame. Nothing kooky about that. But that he tries it again, so quickly out of a divorced relationship indicates he is looking for a replacement, not a partner. Stand by and help him if he falls. If this new woman's morals are like his, it can work (and I've seen that just as easily as I have seen disintegration). Be a mensch; you have done your best with conversation, now do your best in supportive action.
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Old 05-12-2019, 02:00 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,451 posts, read 8,151,272 times
Reputation: 5117
You've probably heard the saying, "There's no fool like an old fool." Well, that's the case here. It's stupidity on BOTH his & this GF's parts. One month isn't nearly enough time to know squat about a person.

He was just so jaded & unhappy in his marriage & this new lady felt like a new breath of fresh air, etc., so he fell in love & it went from there. But oh well, there's nothing you can do. I don't know how much you've tried to talk some sense into him, but I'm sure you'll be telling him, "I told you so" a few months down the line, if not sooner. But who knows, if they actually get married, so be it.
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Old 05-12-2019, 05:30 PM
 
Location: around
681 posts, read 236,134 times
Reputation: 607
Thanks for the replies and l suppose it all about sums it up and God knows l got my own crap right now anyway. He's a friend of the family and everyone's worried about him , cringing in fact, and on my case because we're close.
Can;t do much else though now we've talked hours and hours over the last few months.

ln a way kin has a big point and that does describe him, and it sorta looks like the same thing really with the new lady. Met once, 3 yrs apart yet neither strayed, and now here they are.
He's whole Demeenor's changed , he's like not himself at all or maybe it's the new him after a marriage like that. He just told me they were actually married 43yrs to be exact, not 40.
l couldn't imagine going straight into something else after all that buttt, that's me.

Anyway , your right l can only support him now and let it be l guess, and who knows, maybe he knows exactly what he;s doing.
l mean she actually seems good tbh, but she's younger, maybe she's all over his money.
But oh well, they're into it now so, l can only wish him the best from here l suppose.

Last edited by hawk101; 05-12-2019 at 05:41 PM..
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Old 05-12-2019, 05:34 PM
 
3,566 posts, read 1,368,509 times
Reputation: 6989
"What do you think the odds are..."
50/50 since i really do not know.
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Old 05-12-2019, 05:42 PM
 
Location: around
681 posts, read 236,134 times
Reputation: 607
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
You've probably heard the saying, "There's no fool like an old fool." Well, that's the case here. It's stupidity on BOTH his & this GF's parts. One month isn't nearly enough time to know squat about a person.

He was just so jaded & unhappy in his marriage & this new lady felt like a new breath of fresh air, etc., so he fell in love & it went from there. But oh well, there's nothing you can do. I don't know how much you've tried to talk some sense into him, but I'm sure you'll be telling him, "I told you so" a few months down the line, if not sooner. But who knows, if they actually get married, so be it.



Yeah , must admit that one def' crossed my mind.
But anyway yeah , who knows , can't do any more , wouldn't surprise me if they are married in a few mths. Oh well.
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