Bored, Lonely, Frustrated Wife On Verge . . . (marriages, man, loving, cheat)

[sean98125]

Counseling, either for both of you or even just for you. You sound depressed or stressed out. Find a counselor who'll try to work this stuff out without reaching automatically for the prescription pad first.

[Bazzwell]

Originally Posted by NativelyNashville

It is all emotional. Intimacy. Time and how that time is spent. Laughter. Knowing looks. Naughty touches when the kids aren't looking. All that. All that which is - and has been - missing.

Like it was "back in the day"? Before the kids, before the jobs, before this and before that. The cold hard fact is that won't come 'round again, with the same person at least. Those are one time gifts per couple. That isn't saying that good emotional and physical times shouldn't continue and develop. They're a requirement for a good life. But no shoe fits all feet so any further ideas I have that worked for me might not help your problem. You'll find the answers yourself in time.

We live, learn and adjust as need. Best of luck.

[itlchick]

I agree with the above posters.

1) uh...yeah. Not having sex is a symptom of the problem. That is not a solution.

2) You guys needs couples counseling pronto. Yep, it's going to have to be you who sets up the appointment. I wouldn't look at it like "Let's save this marriage!!!" I would look at it like, let's talk about some problems, see what can be done, see if we both want to keep this thing going. If the marriage is to breakup, okay, fine, how can we handle this in the most mature way that will not hurt me, him or the children.

3) PLEASE keep in mind that marital satisfaction always plummets when kids are young. Very common.

4) Do NOT cheat. This will s***w you (pardon the pun) emotionally and perhaps financially in a divorce. Wait, wait, wait.

5) Finally, a very non-feminist remark from a staunch feminist - yep, it's not fair. It's not fair that women always seem to be the one to keep the relationship on track, to make sure that the couple is connected. Why does it have to be that way? I have no idea. But I will say that if you can manage to do it, you will reap the rewards in the end. Men - hmph.

6) Yep, you're young, you're pretty. Okay. But as another poster commented, being a single mother with an infant and dating - is. hard. Finding a man to be a good husband, a good father, who's willing to take on two kids (and a infant), and a good provider?! Who's not gay or married? Umm...I guess it can be done. But it ain't easy sista. You'd be better off if you could manage to renovate what you've got.

7) Finally (okay, I'm rambling) IMHO, life isn't always about happiness and satisfaction. Sometimes you have to go through really crappy periods of time, in hopes of better times. Sometimes, yep, it's you that have to suffer so that others (children) can be okay.

Go. to. some. counseling. See what happens from there. Wishing you better times in the future....

[felecia]

Was it worth it??? Good question! The most honest answer... I don't know! Being single can be hard, lonely, depressing... but I also enjoy doing what I want without debate, shaving only if I feel like it, and the freedom to make the most of my dreams... Biggest problem for ME: Most of my dreams DON'T involve doing them by myself! I, personally, much preferred being married (even with the problems!) to being single!

I certainly don't envy you any right now. I know it's a tough place to be in and I'm sorry you're going through it. In the end, no amount of advice (good or bad) will be able to make the decision for you... Only YOU can do that! Good luck!

[felecia]

I COMPLETELY agree with itlchick.....

Listen to her! Smart woman! Sometimes the hardest things to hang on to are also the ones that make it the most worth the effort when you succeed!

[Capt. Dan]

Didnt the OP already answer her own question? At the end of her post she said " I'm done"

[Reactionary]

This is crazy: you don't want to be your husband's "*** rag" (the father of your children), but you're willing to have sex with some guy who's having sex with a married person? Being a "*** rag" for a player is OK?

Your husband deserves better...

Counseling. Call someone today.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by felecia

Was it worth it??? Good question! The most honest answer... I don't know! Being single can be hard, lonely, depressing... but I also enjoy doing what I want without debate, shaving only if I feel like it, and the freedom to make the most of my dreams... Biggest problem for ME: Most of my dreams DON'T involve doing them by myself! I, personally, much preferred being married (even with the problems!) to being single!

I certainly don't envy you any right now. I know it's a tough place to be in and I'm sorry you're going through it. In the end, no amount of advice (good or bad) will be able to make the decision for you... Only YOU can do that! Good luck!

I was married, and I never felt more lonely in my life...I am single now and lovin it...there isn't anything you can't do, if you put your mind down to it, and being co-dependent on a marriage only to have the security of a pay check...is not right either....frusterations build, respentment builds, and all it does it depleat someone's individuality. I lost who I was...I had no friends...
you can be with someone and feel lonlier then without them in your life. Raised my son alone...and got involved in all his games, youth group, went along as a chaperone....had the kids over night, took them camping...believe me, I promise you, can you fill up a void very quickly if you want.

Just my 2 cents.

Creme

[felecia]

Creme...
First of all... GOOD FOR YOU!! I'm happy for you that you've found the life you wanted and that it's working out so well for you!

As far as your advice goes, I agree... to an extent! I was very lonely in my marriage too! But, it was because my marriage (like NNashville's) needed some serious work! I bailed on mine too quickly and I've regreted it... and I don't want her to do the same. Maybe you didn't, and being single was the right thing for YOU! I have no issue with that!

I, too, am VERY active in my children's lives (I have THREE!)... I go to all the games, chaparone all the trips, make all the dinners, etc. I am NOT without a LIFE, I have fantastic friends, and I absolutely have no VOID to fill! Having a partner is simply another desire that I have for my life! If I expected him to give me a life or to fill some void... then it would be doomed before it started!

You sound like you felt the need to choose... a LIFE or a SPOUSE!? Lucky for me.... I don't feel the need to choose one over the other! I want both! I have a feeling that she does too!

[NativelyNashville]

Well, my husband called me, telling me he's reading all of these articles and "getting it." We shall see. He says he's going to block out a dedicated nightly us time, sometime after the kids go to bed (ha!), as well as more social and alone time on weekends.

He sounds sincere. We'll see . . .