Bored, Lonely, Frustrated Wife On Verge . . . (marrying, kids, sex, advice)

[laysayfair]

Originally Posted by NativelyNashville

Well, my husband called me, telling me he's reading all of these articles and "getting it." We shall see. He says he's going to block out a dedicated nightly us time, sometime after the kids go to bed (ha!), as well as more social and alone time on weekends.

He sounds sincere. We'll see . . .

Well, don't put it all on him. Help him, encourage him.
You seem to have a "show me" attitude. Don't make it
hard for him. He's probably as miserable (if not moreso)
than you are. There are alot of cute, young things that
will happily show a good some man some sympathy.
Feel for his situation as much as you feel for your own.
Be kind, be generous.

[Bette]

Originally Posted by williboy

You guys need to pack up the kids to a relative and go on a cruise. Start talking and try having some adventures together. Something for just the two of you. Go hiking, go for a long drive somewhere. One night a week, get a baby sitter and go on a date. My wife and I do all sorts of stuff together. We go to ball games, plays, drives in the mountains, shopping, movies, out to eat, or just send the kids somewhere and have a wild sexy time at home. Remember though, nothing changes if YOU don't make it happen. Not communicating and being alone with bad thoughts is the worst thing you can do short of acting out on the bad thoughts. You guys just need to rediscover why you fell in love in the first place.

This hit the nail on the head! Absolutely wonderful post...very, very true - especially the last sentence. I have been there, done that and this is all true. Not going to happen overnight but will happen.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

I don't think infidelity is ever the answer, its never going to do anything but make it worse.

However I do have to chuckle at your husbands idea that ALL you have to do is have sex more often. Men are so simple, feed them, have sex with them and they can go on forever skating through a relationship asleep at the wheel.

I do hope for your kids sake that you can find a way to be happy, if its NOT with your current husband then that is sad for your children but in the long run, they will be happier if their parents are happy.

[Jefetio]

It's all about you. You aren't happy and it's your husband's job to make sure you are happy, no matter how hard you fight it. Cheat on him, he deserves it because he's not meeting your needs. He will be much happier in the long run.

As a man, that's the only advice I can give that hasn't already been given.

[Rhett_Butler]

Originally Posted by NativelyNashville

Well, my husband called me, telling me he's reading all of these articles and "getting it." We shall see. He says he's going to block out a dedicated nightly us time, sometime after the kids go to bed (ha!), as well as more social and alone time on weekends.

He sounds sincere. We'll see . . .

No offense but dang, give the guy a fighting chance. With the skepticism you just showed here this is doomed to fail before it even begins.

He understands the problem to some extent it sounds like but you are going to HAVE to try too!!!

You're sounding like the queen laying on her pillow eating grapes waiting for your husband to come out and do cartwheels to amuse you and move you somehow...

This has to be a two-way thing here...

[Rhett_Butler]

Originally Posted by laysayfair

Well, don't put it all on him. Help him, encourage him.
You seem to have a "show me" attitude. Don't make it
hard for him. He's probably as miserable (if not moreso)
than you are. There are alot of cute, young things that
will happily show a good some man some sympathy.
Feel for his situation as much as you feel for your own.
Be kind, be generous.

Oh, already said. My bad..

[Alaskapat528]

Originally Posted by NativelyNashville

Maybe, but I'm not willing to be his human c*m rag for this to occur.

Well you stated you are thinking of cheating and having sex outside of your marriage, so you obviously wouldn't mind being this to someone else. It sounds to me that you are very bitter and really don't care to work on your marriage and that you do think the grass is greener on the other side. From reading the posts you feel that you are the one who has to carry the entire load; well then talk to your husband, make your feelings known. Cheating is not the answer and many times people who want to cheat are always looking for excuses.

[cpg35223]

Okay. I've read through this thread and I'm surprised nobody's asked the obvious:

Nashville, is it possible you're doing something to turn him off or keep him at arm's length? You know, when we were first married and when we first had children, I was working all the cotton-picking time. But my wife was always an object of desire for me with her attitude towards life, her sense of humor, and her sense of partnership with me. To this day, I'm always looking for an opportunity to put the wood to her.

Maybe, just maybe, you've allowed your fatigue to fester into bitterness, and he finds that to be a terrible turnoff. So while you've claimed that you've done everything in your marriage, have you really done everything in your marriage? Seems like there's a lot of stuff that's "off the table" for you.

[Wendell Phillips]

Most people get married for love, which is a mistake because love never lasts and is all too soon replaced with the drudgery of domestic life. Marital bliss becomes sacrificed to material obligation - mortgages, car payments and an endless series of bills - that takes all the joy out the relationship. Even the children end up being more burden than blessing. It all boils down to responsibility - financial responsibility - which is to say money, or the lack thereof, the debits and credits of a bankrupt estate.

Likewise, many marriages nowadays end in divorce. Indeed, they are ill-fated from the start; like undercapitalized business ventures, they are bound to fail. How foolish people can be when they are in love. How stupidly they behave without a care for the consequences. Did they really think that they could live on love? How absurd. Where did their love go? How could two persons who loved one another so passionately end up hating each other? And what is to be done with the detritus of a marriage foundered on the rocks? The law is an inadequate remedy for people’s personal problems. Divorce is a losing proposition: the husband loses, the wife loses, and the children - the ones who ought to be entitled to two loving and responsible parents - they are the big losers. But how can you stop people from getting married, however improbable the proposal? You might as well try to stop the tide from coming in - it is an irresistible force. People ought to be required to prove their financial responsibility before the state issues them a license to marry; for surely, as the old saw goes: "When the money’s gone, love flies out the window."

[Fat Freddy]

Originally Posted by NativelyNashville

He says he's going to block out a dedicated nightly us time....

If he has to "block out a dedicated time" for you to be together, there are obviously other priorities that make it impossible for your relationship to fit the mold that you seem to require.

No amount of complaining, seeking advice, or getting counseling is going to help.

Nothing except a major lifestyle change by both of you will make things any different.

Sometimes the grass on the other side of the fence is not only greener, there is a whole other world over there that you never imagined even existed.