Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy
Have you had this fear, or have you been involved with someone who you think has this fear?
I would define it as when someone will only allow another person in so far and then shut's down emotionally as a way to protect oneself. They cut themselves off from feeling true love or a true connectedness with someone due to fear that the other person could hurt them.
I would say I have this fear, yet I'm working on releasing it. What's been your experience?
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I have it, and I've never been happier. You see, I've never been in a relationship with a good man...but long after counseling and soul searching, I realize, I chose the wrong men. No, I didn't ask to be abused, but, I look back now and go ewwww, how could I have settled for so little?
I have had a lot of hard knocks with people...we've all had tough lives, some worse then others...after 3 failed marriages, and now the loss of my son, due to a very jealous DIL, well, after a while, you tend to shut down, and I have to a certain extent. Hurt, words, lies and physical abuse, do some really nasty things to the physi....
When I was young, everyone in my family said they envied me, that I was very outgoing, had tons of friends, was always on the go, and whenever people sat down and spoke to me, I was easy to talk to, and they felt like they knew me for years. I had a very good sense of humor. One of my husbands said....really mean one time...Ohhhhh, every likes you....like it was an awful thing.
Well, I chose to stay away from people...I find people, including my family to be very controlling. If you don't do, or think like they do, why, there must be something wrong with you.
As some of you know, I came home to live with my mom. It was a God sent after my divorce...and it was only to be for a short time. Well, my mother became ill, slowly and it took away her independence. I couldn't leave her, because my sibblings were very self absorbed and into their own lives and couldn't be bothered.
The worst part, is, since my mom passed away, I've seen some very disenchanting selfish things. My one sister is very controlling...and if you don't do what she says, she gets angry. My other sister and brother is afraid of her. I'm now to the point of breaking any relationship with them. My mom couldn't deal with dissapline, so basically left them all have their way.
I have finally bought the house of my dreams...and all they are doing is talking about how big it is...it's brand new, has 3 bedrooms, and is a very nice size for the money. I actually researched what I wanted for 3 years. It's like they are waiting for me to fail...and my dear brother in law, was so nosey, he couldn't wait to see it, drove by it, saw my car there speaking with the owner of the Park where I'm moving to, and the first thing out of his mouth was, "I think that's bigger then our first floor". WEll, he proceeded to tell the rest of the family how big it is, and that is all I heard. Yes, it is a nice size, and it's all on one floor, doesn't have a basement or a garage, like all of them have. They're homes are beautiful...and I can't understand, what it is they begruge me...that I finally have something nice.
So, the more these things happen, the less I say and the more I withdrawl. I really can't deal with people and/or family any longer...and I am perfectly content living by myself, making my own decissions...actually, I don't feel alone, and I'm hoping after this move is over, I will once again reach out to friends, making new friends, but, a lot of times, I've learned, you've got to keep people at bay, otherwise, you start looking for their approval to be happy...you don't need anyone's approval to be happy...and people so, many people tend to get upset if your happy, or if you don't take their advice. While I welcome advice, where does it say, I have to live my life according to their beliefs...?
People are so controlling...they're actually afraid to allow you to be who you are....
I end with saying, I can't wait to move, and I'm happy being away from people...I don't need all this conflict, it is not healthy, it's very toxic and upsetting. And I don't like who I've become because of it...so, the move is a new life, a new start and believe me, there will be boundaries. I don't make friends easily any longer.
That is why I oft times say...words can kill a person, just as though your holding a gun to someone's head. The actions of people sometimes become overbearing and very aggressive and I can't be who they are or who they think I should be.
Right now, I don't care if I never see my family again...it would kill them to be supportive, to be happy for me. My gosh, they all have their own beautiful homes...? I don't get it...? I've always looked up to them, marveled at their successes, was happy for them...and now all I see is great selfishness and greed...they must be very unhappy people. I suppose somehow, I give their lives some purpose, as they feel as if they have to look after me, and I believe they are offended b/c I would no longer allow it. In other ways, there were times they were
And, they are angry b/c I did this all on my own and refused to get them involved....I knew if I would, and didn't do what they thought I should do, they'd get angry or I'd be very unhappy to purchase something they thought I should have.
I am way to tired to deal with any conflicts any longer. I really don't need people...love them, but I'm a lot like that kid in the movie Into the Wild...as soon as someone gets to close, starts suggesting what I should do...Man, I'm gone.
I have a girlfriend who is a wonderful person...she writes me all the time and says, I'm so happy for you, you really did well, did your homework...and I can't wait to see it. Not one person in my family has said that...can you believe it?
Well, I've listened to a lot of people because they have tons of friends, and are married, and they always seem to be trying to please everyone else but themselves. For the first time in my life, for the past 7 years...I am able to do that...and I feel, it's only going to get much better when I move.
I am a loner and there is nothing unhealthy about it. A gal at work said, that I'm a very confident person...happy, and well adjusted. But, I go off by myself a lot...away from all the noise, and she explained to me that it offends a lot of people, they take it personal, as a personal insult against them b/c I chose to be alone.
And I am very appreciative for all they have done for me, and still love them, but my Gosh, enough is enough.
After my mom passed away, I chose to go away for Christmas. The first real vacation in 5 years, and do you know, my family was offended b/c I went...they took it personal???????
People can be so demanding, they do not know how to allow others their individuality, who they are...and people have become so negative and grumpy, well, lets just say, if they spent half the energy looking for the good in people, rather then the bad...they'd be much happier people.
Hugs to ya
Creme
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Just imagine how special that would make her feel!
I'm not gonna play with ya anymore!
