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Old Yesterday, 10:34 AM
 
1 posts, read 98 times
Reputation: 10

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So me and the guy in question have been togrther for 6 months.
Lately he has been spending more and more time with a female friend who just moved to his city. Him and I are in a LDR, but had plans to close the distance and move together.
Said female friend of his slept in his room once and I voiced my concerns, to which my bf proceeded to vent to the girl. She took it upon herself to message me to tell me she was stressed because she didn't want me to worry or stress about their friendship.
She also told my bf that she was interested in somebody else.
Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago. He went to her place to hang out with her and she'd laid out candles all around her room to try to seduce him and get him to cheat on me.
Queue a lot of very emotional turmoil in our relationship. I didn't feel like he put his point across ennough that what she did was inappropriate and a bad thing to do and felt like he tried to protect her. I asked him for a simple thing (we're young people, so we use a messaging app and I asked him to remove her as an admin as a way for him to show me that I was a priority to him nand to show that he'd put an effort in for me, as he seemed to want to just ignore everything that happened). Instead of doing that, he just removed all the admins and tried to say it wasn't because of her.
He also said him and the girl wouldnt hang out together until she got over him.
So a few days ago we broke up, but then decided we'd just take a break and focus on ourselves, letting eachother know if we didn't want to continue the relationship.
But now I found out from somebody else that a day after the breakup he was hangjng out with her again alone.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore, if I even have a right to feel upset and if this relationship still has a future., considering that I am not sure if he knows what boundaries are with friends.
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Old Yesterday, 10:39 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,141 posts, read 41,752,473 times
Reputation: 82836
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayleena View Post
So me and the guy in question have been togrther for 6 months.
Lately he has been spending more and more time with a female friend who just moved to his city. Him and I are in a LDR, but had plans to close the distance and move together.
Said female friend of his slept in his room once and I voiced my concerns, to which my bf proceeded to vent to the girl. She took it upon herself to message me to tell me she was stressed because she didn't want me to worry or stress about their friendship.
She also told my bf that she was interested in somebody else.
Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago. He went to her place to hang out with her and she'd laid out candles all around her room to try to seduce him and get him to cheat on me.
Queue a lot of very emotional turmoil in our relationship. I didn't feel like he put his point across ennough that what she did was inappropriate and a bad thing to do and felt like he tried to protect her. I asked him for a simple thing (we're young people, so we use a messaging app and I asked him to remove her as an admin as a way for him to show me that I was a priority to him nand to show that he'd put an effort in for me, as he seemed to want to just ignore everything that happened). Instead of doing that, he just removed all the admins and tried to say it wasn't because of her.
He also said him and the girl wouldnt hang out together until she got over him.
So a few days ago we broke up, but then decided we'd just take a break and focus on ourselves, letting eachother know if we didn't want to continue the relationship.
But now I found out from somebody else that a day after the breakup he was hangjng out with her again alone.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore, if I even have a right to feel upset and if this relationship still has a future., considering that I am not sure if he knows what boundaries are with friends.
I think you need to get real about what kind of relationship you two really have.

What happened to the plans to move together? This isn't sustainable as an LDR. He's showing you that right now.

To me, he pulled a dick move by telling this friend about your concerns. That's a betrayal. But it sounds like he likes her attention and isn't really concerned about making you feel more secure. Your insecurities are leading the way right now anyway.

I would make the break-up official and permanent.
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Old Yesterday, 10:43 AM
 
1,058 posts, read 660,348 times
Reputation: 3202
You've already broken up with him, which was the right thing to do as a first step. The next step is to move on and forget about him. He's made it pretty clear that he lacks the ability to insist on appropriate boundaries between himself and his female friends. He's not reliable at all and he's a liar. You don't need that kind of boyfriend. Find someone better.
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Old Yesterday, 01:48 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,071 posts, read 8,361,765 times
Reputation: 11554
I would delete him from my phone, social media, etc. and never look back. I can tell you from personal experience that when a guy behaves the way your ex boyfriend is, she is definitely NOT just his friend.
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Old Yesterday, 08:02 PM
 
4 posts, read 58 times
Reputation: 10
Look to your own inner resources and strengthen/add to them if necessary. A lot of people look skeptically at this, but I can suggest a way to frame your own experience as it evolves - the many horoscopes that are online these days. This is not fortune-telling or a guaranteed future, but just a way to help put things into perspective for yourself. The more talented astrologers have been pretty accurate, in my experience. But I do take their advice with a grain of salt. Anyway, it will give you something to focus on, may calm your emotional turmoil, and is a whole lot cheaper than counseling.
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Old Today, 06:55 AM
 
Location: Outside US
1,172 posts, read 463,614 times
Reputation: 1534
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayleena View Post
So me and the guy in question have been togrther for 6 months.
Lately he has been spending more and more time with a female friend who just moved to his city. Him and I are in a LDR, but had plans to close the distance and move together.
Said female friend of his slept in his room once and I voiced my concerns, to which my bf proceeded to vent to the girl. She took it upon herself to message me to tell me she was stressed because she didn't want me to worry or stress about their friendship.
She also told my bf that she was interested in somebody else.
Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago. He went to her place to hang out with her and she'd laid out candles all around her room to try to seduce him and get him to cheat on me.
Queue a lot of very emotional turmoil in our relationship. I didn't feel like he put his point across ennough that what she did was inappropriate and a bad thing to do and felt like he tried to protect her. I asked him for a simple thing (we're young people, so we use a messaging app and I asked him to remove her as an admin as a way for him to show me that I was a priority to him nand to show that he'd put an effort in for me, as he seemed to want to just ignore everything that happened). Instead of doing that, he just removed all the admins and tried to say it wasn't because of her.
He also said him and the girl wouldnt hang out together until she got over him.
So a few days ago we broke up, but then decided we'd just take a break and focus on ourselves, letting eachother know if we didn't want to continue the relationship.
But now I found out from somebody else that a day after the breakup he was hangjng out with her again alone.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore, if I even have a right to feel upset and if this relationship still has a future., considering that I am not sure if he knows what boundaries are with friends.
All of these signs show he's now interested in her.
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Old Today, 07:01 AM
 
661 posts, read 195,966 times
Reputation: 1794
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayleena View Post
So me and the guy in question have been togrther for 6 months.
Lately he has been spending more and more time with a female friend who just moved to his city. Him and I are in a LDR, but had plans to close the distance and move together.
Said female friend of his slept in his room once and I voiced my concerns, to which my bf proceeded to vent to the girl. She took it upon herself to message me to tell me she was stressed because she didn't want me to worry or stress about their friendship.
She also told my bf that she was interested in somebody else.
Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago. He went to her place to hang out with her and she'd laid out candles all around her room to try to seduce him and get him to cheat on me.
Queue a lot of very emotional turmoil in our relationship. I didn't feel like he put his point across ennough that what she did was inappropriate and a bad thing to do and felt like he tried to protect her. I asked him for a simple thing (we're young people, so we use a messaging app and I asked him to remove her as an admin as a way for him to show me that I was a priority to him nand to show that he'd put an effort in for me, as he seemed to want to just ignore everything that happened). Instead of doing that, he just removed all the admins and tried to say it wasn't because of her.
He also said him and the girl wouldnt hang out together until she got over him.
So a few days ago we broke up, but then decided we'd just take a break and focus on ourselves, letting eachother know if we didn't want to continue the relationship.
But now I found out from somebody else that a day after the breakup he was hangjng out with her again alone.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore, if I even have a right to feel upset and if this relationship still has a future., considering that I am not sure if he knows what boundaries are with friends.
Over the course of the six months that you were couple, how often did you spend time together in person?
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Old Today, 07:19 AM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,761 posts, read 7,689,871 times
Reputation: 14958
Its over. Time to move on. Rip the bandaid off.
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