U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old Yesterday, 11:30 PM
 
1 posts
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

Found out today she's pregnant. Not 100% sure on what to do.

It would be easy decision if i loved her. But i don't. Basically i thought we were just friends with benifits.

Here is how it started. It all began in January. Before January we were just acquaintances. We worked together and sometimes went to parties together. I found out soon enough that she was married. So i tried to keep my distance from her and not get too close. It was weird though i noticed she went out alot and always would text me to go with her somewhere or do stuff together. She was really friendly for someone who was married. I asked her about this and she said that's just who she is.

A couple of months past and she started becoming more and more friendly. I thought maybe we were just becoming good friends. Then came January. At new years she got really drunk and tried to kiss me. I rejected it, but then she started kissing another guy. Which surprised me because i thought she was married.

A couple days pass and i tried to confront her about this. She tells me that she is not really happy with her marriage and is going to get a divorce. I feel bad so I start hanging out with her more for a couple weeks and we become really good friends. And eventually one day we get drunk and we have sex.

It was good and all but i came inside and she's fine with it. In fact she's almost happy about it. Saying she's okay if she gets pregnant that she's already old and wants kids. I'm scared. I'm not ready. So i buy plan B make her take it and decide to be more careful. She also tells me she'll go back on the pill.

Next week comes. I know she wants it again. I see her trying to get me drinks so I can get more loose and flirty. I decide to do it with her. She comes. But i don't. We tried again and same thing happens. She asks why and I tell her that I'm scared of getting her pregnant. She tells me is okay. That is safe over and over. So I decide to let go. Months past and we pretty much do it everyweek. We became sex friends and it was good. However i started feeling like she was getting attached and jealous.

It was her birthday and i invited a friend (girl) without telling her and she got really mad. I'll never forget how loud she was yelling, “Who invited her!”. Luckily i don't think my friend heard it and i was able to calm her down. Weeks past and we continue having this sort of relationship. Bring friends with benifits. We even took a short vacation together outside the country to visit hers. Everything was going good.

Its already summer we are back in the states. Back to work. Back to our usually routines. My relationship with her was the same except i knew that she had feelings for me and i told her many times that i didn't feel the same way. She told she was okay with it. However she still got really jealous. I wasn't seeing anyone else so it didn't bother me to much.

Let's fast forward to now. We been having sex for months i even suggest i wear a condom just in case but she don't want it still.. she hasn't got pregnant. Everytime her period is late i get scared. But luckily she has been having it. Also i always try to remind her to take her pills whenever we do it. However this time she missed her period and she doesn't say anything. Usually she would tell me. A week pass we still having sex. Another week pass so I start asking her about her period if she had it yet. She said not yet. I get worried so next time we go out i buy her a preg test.

I'm anxious i ask her to do it in the bathroom she says no. She wants to do it at her house. 15 min later we wre at her house. We test it.. Its positive. I had a feeling she knew because she was shaking a bit before testing it. So we do it again. It says she's pregnant. I'm shocked. She asked me before if she get pregnant what would i do. I always told her abortion. But she always said she wanted to keep the child.

Then she does something i don't like. Before we really talk about it she tells her mom, tells her shes pregnant and that I want an abortion. Mom is angry at me. She is very religious. (Catholic). All the sudden she is trying to hand me the phone to her and talk to her and ask her what is my plan. I don't even know her. I just found out today. Give me a break. That time we went to her country she wouldn't even let me see her parents and now she wants me to talk to her mom.

One thing i don't get is that she knew i wanted abortion from the beginning but still decides to risk have unprotected sex with me. I was under the influence she was taking the pills everyday. At least its what she is telling me. Don't get me wrong i like kids. I would love to have a big family. But not like this. I don't love her. I think of her as maybe my best friend (that i have sex with). Now she is telling me that she wants to keep the child.

I try to reason with her saying we are not ready, telling her how much time and money it will take. What will happen if our friends found out. (our relationship supposed to be secret) Nothing is working. She is all the sudden religious and saying the baby is a blessing. I have no choice. She is having the baby. I give up. I tell her fine lets have the baby.

Maybe i thought since we were friends she wouldn't ask for it but jokingly i ask if i would have to pay child support. She says yes. I'm baffled. Why should i pay if i don't want to have the child. I was fine with maybe coming and visiting him a couple of times a week. And if she needed some extra money give it to her for my child but she doesn't seem to want it. She wants child support. So even if i decide to not be in the kids life, I still have to pay. Is not fair. I did not want a kid this early. She knew that. I didn't want to get her pregnant. She knew that. I don't have any choice. Is either be with her and share the expenses. Or not be with her and pay child support.

Part of me feels that maybe she tricked me into getting her pregnant. Maybe she wanted me to be with her so bad that she decided a baby would keep us together. Idk. I really liked her and after this I'm beginning to hate her. What if she decides to quit her job and focus on the baby. I would have to pay so much child support. I think maybe joint custody will be the best option for me.

Is there no legal way i can get out of this? Technically she is still married. The baby hasn't been born yet. Couldn't be more than a month old in the womb. I don't know what to do. I'm about to be a father.

 
Old Yesterday, 11:48 PM
 
7,383 posts, read 13,221,969 times
Reputation: 8974
RME. You had frequent unprotected sex with a woman who already told you she'd keep the baby if she were to get pregnant. Stop acting so victimized and petulant.

First thing first: Get the NIPP which can be done +8wks to make sure you're the actual father. Then go see a lawyer to see what your rights and options are. The fact she's married to someone else could be a complicating factor.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Seekingadvice1234 View Post
Found out today she's pregnant. Not 100% sure on what to do.

It would be easy decision if i loved her. But i don't. Basically i thought we were just friends with benifits.

Here is how it started. It all began in January. Before January we were just acquaintances. We worked together and sometimes went to parties together. I found out soon enough that she was married. So i tried to keep my distance from her and not get too close. It was weird though i noticed she went out alot and always would text me to go with her somewhere or do stuff together. She was really friendly for someone who was married. I asked her about this and she said that's just who she is.

A couple of months past and she started becoming more and more friendly. I thought maybe we were just becoming good friends. Then came January. At new years she got really drunk and tried to kiss me. I rejected it, but then she started kissing another guy. Which surprised me because i thought she was married.

A couple days pass and i tried to confront her about this. She tells me that she is not really happy with her marriage and is going to get a divorce. I feel bad so I start hanging out with her more for a couple weeks and we become really good friends. And eventually one day we get drunk and we have sex.

It was good and all but i came inside and she's fine with it. In fact she's almost happy about it. Saying she's okay if she gets pregnant that she's already old and wants kids. I'm scared. I'm not ready. So i buy plan B make her take it and decide to be more careful. She also tells me she'll go back on the pill.

Next week comes. I know she wants it again. I see her trying to get me drinks so I can get more loose and flirty. I decide to do it with her. She comes. But i don't. We tried again and same thing happens. She asks why and I tell her that I'm scared of getting her pregnant. She tells me is okay. That is safe over and over. So I decide to let go. Months past and we pretty much do it everyweek. We became sex friends and it was good. However i started feeling like she was getting attached and jealous.

It was her birthday and i invited a friend (girl) without telling her and she got really mad. I'll never forget how loud she was yelling, “Who invited her!”. Luckily i don't think my friend heard it and i was able to calm her down. Weeks past and we continue having this sort of relationship. Bring friends with benifits. We even took a short vacation together outside the country to visit hers. Everything was going good.

Its already summer we are back in the states. Back to work. Back to our usually routines. My relationship with her was the same except i knew that she had feelings for me and i told her many times that i didn't feel the same way. She told she was okay with it. However she still got really jealous. I wasn't seeing anyone else so it didn't bother me to much.

Let's fast forward to now. We been having sex for months i even suggest i wear a condom just in case but she don't want it still.. she hasn't got pregnant. Everytime her period is late i get scared. But luckily she has been having it. Also i always try to remind her to take her pills whenever we do it. However this time she missed her period and she doesn't say anything. Usually she would tell me. A week pass we still having sex. Another week pass so I start asking her about her period if she had it yet. She said not yet. I get worried so next time we go out i buy her a preg test.

I'm anxious i ask her to do it in the bathroom she says no. She wants to do it at her house. 15 min later we wre at her house. We test it.. Its positive. I had a feeling she knew because she was shaking a bit before testing it. So we do it again. It says she's pregnant. I'm shocked. She asked me before if she get pregnant what would i do. I always told her abortion. But she always said she wanted to keep the child.

Then she does something i don't like. Before we really talk about it she tells her mom, tells her shes pregnant and that I want an abortion. Mom is angry at me. She is very religious. (Catholic). All the sudden she is trying to hand me the phone to her and talk to her and ask her what is my plan. I don't even know her. I just found out today. Give me a break. That time we went to her country she wouldn't even let me see her parents and now she wants me to talk to her mom.

One thing i don't get is that she knew i wanted abortion from the beginning but still decides to risk have unprotected sex with me. I was under the influence she was taking the pills everyday. At least its what she is telling me. Don't get me wrong i like kids. I would love to have a big family. But not like this. I don't love her. I think of her as maybe my best friend (that i have sex with). Now she is telling me that she wants to keep the child.

I try to reason with her saying we are not ready, telling her how much time and money it will take. What will happen if our friends found out. (our relationship supposed to be secret) Nothing is working. She is all the sudden religious and saying the baby is a blessing. I have no choice. She is having the baby. I give up. I tell her fine lets have the baby.

Maybe i thought since we were friends she wouldn't ask for it but jokingly i ask if i would have to pay child support. She says yes. I'm baffled. Why should i pay if i don't want to have the child. I was fine with maybe coming and visiting him a couple of times a week. And if she needed some extra money give it to her for my child but she doesn't seem to want it. She wants child support. So even if i decide to not be in the kids life, I still have to pay. Is not fair. I did not want a kid this early. She knew that. I didn't want to get her pregnant. She knew that. I don't have any choice. Is either be with her and share the expenses. Or not be with her and pay child support.

Part of me feels that maybe she tricked me into getting her pregnant. Maybe she wanted me to be with her so bad that she decided a baby would keep us together. Idk. I really liked her and after this I'm beginning to hate her. What if she decides to quit her job and focus on the baby. I would have to pay so much child support. I think maybe joint custody will be the best option for me.

Is there no legal way i can get out of this? Technically she is still married. The baby hasn't been born yet. Couldn't be more than a month old in the womb. I don't know what to do. I'm about to be a father.
 
Old Today, 01:06 AM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston
37,945 posts, read 55,692,297 times
Reputation: 89592
Quote:
She's pregnant... (long story)
She is pregnant isn't a long story - it's an unprotected sex.
If you want casual sex without consequences, then YOU must take precautions not to make a woman pregnant no matter what she says or wants, or take responsibility of your action. However, you can't make her to have abortion.
End of story.

Does her husband knows? How come he let her go to visit her country with you? How old are you both?

BTW: she is "very religious" and has a long time affair and casual sex while being married?
__________________
.
"No Copyrighted Material"
Moderated forums:
World, Europe, Texas, Corpus Christi, El Paso, Lubbock, Tyler, Houston, San Antonio, Tallahassee, Macon, Duluth, Fish, Home Interior Design and Decorating, Science and Technology Forums
.

Need help? Click on this: >>> ToS, Mod List, Rules & FAQ's, Guide, CD Home page, How to Search
Realtors are welcome here but do see our Realtor Advice to avoid infractions.
 
Old Today, 01:35 AM
 
Location: The cupboard under the sink
3,942 posts, read 7,543,776 times
Reputation: 7719
It might be a long story, but as a creative writing exercise it's poor, no attempt to build drama and the character nuances are too obvious.

Have to do better before school starts again
 
Old Today, 02:30 AM
 
3,169 posts, read 1,664,054 times
Reputation: 8688
Not a true story.
 
Old Today, 02:55 AM
 
1,104 posts, read 1,817,380 times
Reputation: 4678
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobman View Post
It might be a long story, but as a creative writing exercise it's poor, no attempt to build drama and the character nuances are too obvious.

Have to do better before school starts again
Hey, at least he used paragraphs!
 
Old Today, 02:55 AM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston
37,945 posts, read 55,692,297 times
Reputation: 89592
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobman View Post
It might be a long story, but as a creative writing exercise it's poor, no attempt to build drama and the character nuances are too obvious.

Have to do better before school starts again
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel View Post
Not a true story.

I agree.
Closed.
__________________
.
"No Copyrighted Material"
Moderated forums:
World, Europe, Texas, Corpus Christi, El Paso, Lubbock, Tyler, Houston, San Antonio, Tallahassee, Macon, Duluth, Fish, Home Interior Design and Decorating, Science and Technology Forums
.

Need help? Click on this: >>> ToS, Mod List, Rules & FAQ's, Guide, CD Home page, How to Search
Realtors are welcome here but do see our Realtor Advice to avoid infractions.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top